So take the photographs and still frames in your mind...

Today has been crazy. It has been up and down and bittersweet and frantic and hilarious and nostalgic and all over the map. First off, every time I see Chase, his parting words are "Take Chances." I feel like I took a chance this afternoon. I put myself out there. I let go of my pride and fear. I e-mailed Chris. The last time we spoke was July 3rd, and we promised to keep in touch. It has been over three months of complete silence. I know that sometimes silence is needed, but to me it is always important to let the person know that you are still out there, still caring, still hoping that things will improve. I e-mailed him letting him know just that. That I still care and that I am interested in how he is doing and that I understand why we have needed this space and time and silence, but that I am here, ready and willing, if he ever wants to reinstate communication between us. I am trying to change the part of myself that could have gone forever without talking to him. The part of me that wanted him to contact me first. The petty and selfish thoughts that have always caused me to form barriers in relationships. I always want to be able to put myself on the line for someone I love, someone I loved. Today Danielle and I were watching "Dawson's Creek" and Pacey told Dawson, "I'm doing this because once upon a time you and I were best friends, and that means that whenever you need me I'm here. Anytime, anywhere, any place...forever." This is how I feel about people that I have loved and shared intimate moments with-- laughing until we cried or tears that turn into laughter, whether they are my best friends today or in the seventh grade; if they need me, I want to be the kind of person that will be there. I feel a certain peace in e-mailing him. In letting him know that I am thinking about him. He was a huge part of my life for years, and as Caedmon's Call says, "...You can't just turn it off and put a blindfold on your heart." I still care for him. I am sure I always will.

I realized this morning, as I got up and prepared for my day, that this Thursday a year ago (October 9th) I got up early and gathered my backpack and camcorder so I could sit in chapel and film the speakers--my good friends, Angela and Eric Peets. It seems impossible that it has been a year, because I remember every detail from that day and the Friday night (tomorrow a year ago) that followed. I remember taking Angela out to eat to celebrate her belated birthday--it was September 20th. We went to Enriques. She had cheese enchiladas with (emphasis on) no onions. I remember exactly what we talked about. I remember the blue bandana she wore on her head. I remember laughing about a previous trip to Enrique's and their cream-of-chicken-soup-tasting queso. I remember picking her up. I remember her bringing Abby to my apartment. I remember watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Kim spilling salsa on the carpet. I remember her asking how much rent was because she and Eric were interested in our apartment complex for when they moved back. All of these memories are bittersweet to me. I cherish my time with Angela so very much. I also miss Angela so very much. I honestly cannot believe it has been a year, but then again, sometimes it feels like it's been years since I was able to see her and laugh with her. It is strange; my memories are so clear. It seems like they should have faded. October already. Christmas time will be hard. I think about Eric. I wonder if I can do anything for him. You may be asking, why don't I just ask him? It is difficult. I know I should; I truly care about him and I often wonder how he is.

Now to the hilarious part of my day. Danielle and I went to see Kim in "Proof" tonight. The play was awesome, and Kim was incredible-- along with the rest of the cast. After the play, Danielle wanted to pick up a pizza from Domino's on S. Clack. First off, we couldn't find it and had to stop at a ghetto convenience store where she made me ask the two clerks, who were standing outside chain smoking, if they knew where it was. They told us it was in the same parking lot as the Rockin' Rodeo-- only in Abilene. We pull up outside the Domino's, after passing a drunk and stumbling man in the parking lot, and the open sign was turned off. Come to find out, they are open until 1am, but carry-out ends at 10pm. We get back in the car and I assume that we are going home and that they will deliver it to the apartment. Danielle gets her cell phone out, calls the number on the window of the Domino's and says:
"Umm... what's your smallest sized pizza? Oh, a medium? Okay, I want a medium pizza with pineapple and Canadian bacon and a small order of breadsticks. Well, all I have is my cell phone-- so it's 904-588-4741. Well, do you have to deliver it to my house? I'm in your parking lot, so can you just bring it out to me. I know you only do carry-out after 10, so can you just deliver to my car?"
Meanwhile, twenty minutes pass and we see the ladies inside the Domino's pointing to Danielle's car, and we are like "Yeah, that's right! Give us our pizza!" If we had had foresight, we think it would have been hilarious if, when they had asked for our address for delivery, we had said, "1806 S. Clack". Then they would have said, "No, that's our address." And we would have said, "Yes. We know. Tan Malibu. Florida plates." It would have been so priceless that we have decided to go back next week and do the same thing. So, by now it's 11pm and we are sitting and waiting on the pizza. This lady brings it out to the car, we roll down the window and she says, "$11.89". Danielle gives her $12, and as the lady fumbles around in her pocket, Danielle says, "Oh, don't worry about the change. " We roll the window back up, and the lady takes her keys out and gets into the pickup truck parked beside us. I make some joke about skimping her on the tip and Danielle says, "I feel bad...well, not really." And I say, "Well, you shouldn't feel bad. That was an eleven cent pit stop. She was coming out to her truck anyway. All she had to do was throw the pizzas in the window of the car beside her and she was off. At least she made eleven cents."

All in all, this was a really good day and tomorrow is Friday, so it can only get better.