Me: I need to get ready...so you still have time to find Jesus and Hitler.
Ashley: I'm going to find the best Jesus.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
An open letter to our marketing department...
from an 11-year-old who came to my office on some sort of lame (but deemed "educational") field trip.
And my response.
(If you cannot just squint your eyes and read the print, double click and it should take you to flickr where you can change the image size.)
And my response.
(If you cannot just squint your eyes and read the print, double click and it should take you to flickr where you can change the image size.)
Monday, December 24, 2007
The hopes and fears of all the years...
are met in thee tonight.
In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole world should be enrolled. This was the first enrollment, when Quirinius was governor of Syria. So all went to be enrolled, each to his own town.
And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there, the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields and keeping the night watch over their flock. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were struck with great fear. The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."
And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying:
"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."
When the angels went away from them to heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us."
So they went in haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the infant lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child. All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds. And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as it had been told to them.
Luke 2:1-20
Merry Christmas...from my home* to yours!
* The Anderson-McFarland household...pictured above.
In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that the whole world should be enrolled. This was the first enrollment, when Quirinius was governor of Syria. So all went to be enrolled, each to his own town.
And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there, the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
Now there were shepherds in that region living in the fields and keeping the night watch over their flock. The angel of the Lord appeared to them and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were struck with great fear. The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I proclaim to you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."
And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying:
"Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."
When the angels went away from them to heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let us go, then, to Bethlehem to see this thing that has taken place, which the Lord has made known to us."
So they went in haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the infant lying in the manger. When they saw this, they made known the message that had been told them about this child. All who heard it were amazed by what had been told them by the shepherds. And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart. Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, just as it had been told to them.
Luke 2:1-20
Merry Christmas...from my home* to yours!
* The Anderson-McFarland household...pictured above.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
dinosaur valley = dinosaur awesome
Not too terribly long ago, Grant and I ventured into a land of dinosaur tracks and poorly marked trails known as Dinosaur Valley State Park.
This magical land is less than two hours away from my house, but sadly I had never visited. The day included over six miles of hiking, encounters with dinosaurs (See Exhibits J-O) and poisonous berries (see Exhibit C), crossing a river by jumping from rock to rock (and subsequently getting my feet wet), fruit snacks, a guy in an Indiana Jones hat, and a few dinosaur tracks (created by the government I am sure).
I have included photographic evidence of the day-trip below, so you can share in the awesomeness.
A.
We were disappointed to see that fire was not allowed in the woods. I cannot fathom why they have this ludicrous rule. We put our Zippos back in the car, defeated.
B.
Rules were everywhere. No fire allowed. Keep out. Pish posh. We hopped the fence.
C.
We soon realized why they were trying to keep us out. They didn't want anyone else to know about their collection of brightly-colored poisonous berries.
D.
Behind the fence, they were also hiding beautiful, fall-colored leaves. One of my favorite things about fall.
E.
In hiking down the river, we saw a group of fellow hikers at the peak. We immediately decided this was our destination. Once we got there, the view was great. But the fruit snacks and M&Ms were better.
F.
On the way back down, we stumbled upon many paths that looked like maybe one or two other people had ever walked down them. If I had had a compass on me, I would have been using it at this point. I am not Eagle Scout. Luckily for me, Grant is.
G.
And sometimes taking "the road less traveled" does end up making all the difference, because you find little secluded areas that may have been a secret hang out spot for only the hippest dinosaurs. Or maybe it was where the T-Rex Kiwanis Club held weekly meetings. Who wouldn't want to hold parties at a hidden pond?! (Note the reflection of the trees in the water. I loved that.)
H.
Surrounding the pond was a short wall with tiny waterfalls and stalactites. It was pretty cool. I think "stalactite" is Latin for an ancient, gooey, hangy-down thing.
I.
We heard this path was "chock-full of dinosaur sightings", so we were excited to begin our journey down this trail and back to the truck.
J.
First, we came upon the Brontosaurus. Edgar was a friendly dinosaur, but he was too big to capture in one frame, though I tried.
K.
Edgar did not like the angle of the first shot, being that it wasn't his "best side", so I took another photograph to appease him. When you are around something that big, you generally do what they ask. He still didn't fit in the frame, though I believe the side angle is far more slimming.
L.
I was trying to capture Edgar's charming smirk when, out of nowhere, the mighty T-Rex appeared. When I stood on Edgar's back to shake hands with the T-Rex (because my mother taught me the importance of social manners), he introduced himself as Francis.
M.
When I laughed at his name (not meaning to, but a T-Rex named Franis?!?), he got very angry. Not cool.
N.
Francis began to growl and throw punches with his tiny T-Rex arms and I knew I had to act fast. Grant was hiding behind Edgar. Edgar had his tail whipped around, covering his squinty Brontosaurus eyes. So, still on Edgar's back, I leaned in incredibly close (I know it was a stupid, dangerous move) and took a Polaroid* (it came out far too blurry to post). The flash threw Francis off and in all the chaos he lost his balance and toppled over on his side. I had single-handedly taken down the T-Rex. I was filled with adrenaline (and probably sugar from the fruit snacks and M&Ms), but it was still, by far, the scariest moment on our trip to Dinosaur Valley.
O.
Or so I thought. About 3/4 of a mile later, we ran into this monster. I can tell you right now...you have never experienced this kind of fear, and I pray to God you never will.
P.
As we peeled out of the park, we saw this large yellow sign. At first, after what we had seen on our trip, I wasn't sure we should ever return. After all, it was pretty treacherous at certain points. But Grant assured me that with a high-powered camera flash, a state of the art taser gun and maybe a machete, we can most definitely take on an army of 100 dinosaurs. Unless one of them is a Velociraptor. Then we'd be dead for sure. I mean, you've seen Jurassic Park.
* A special thanks goes to Ashley Anderson, for being awesome and purchasing the Polaroid camera and film...a wonderful gift that would later save my life.
This magical land is less than two hours away from my house, but sadly I had never visited. The day included over six miles of hiking, encounters with dinosaurs (See Exhibits J-O) and poisonous berries (see Exhibit C), crossing a river by jumping from rock to rock (and subsequently getting my feet wet), fruit snacks, a guy in an Indiana Jones hat, and a few dinosaur tracks (created by the government I am sure).
I have included photographic evidence of the day-trip below, so you can share in the awesomeness.
A.
We were disappointed to see that fire was not allowed in the woods. I cannot fathom why they have this ludicrous rule. We put our Zippos back in the car, defeated.
B.
Rules were everywhere. No fire allowed. Keep out. Pish posh. We hopped the fence.
C.
We soon realized why they were trying to keep us out. They didn't want anyone else to know about their collection of brightly-colored poisonous berries.
D.
Behind the fence, they were also hiding beautiful, fall-colored leaves. One of my favorite things about fall.
E.
In hiking down the river, we saw a group of fellow hikers at the peak. We immediately decided this was our destination. Once we got there, the view was great. But the fruit snacks and M&Ms were better.
F.
On the way back down, we stumbled upon many paths that looked like maybe one or two other people had ever walked down them. If I had had a compass on me, I would have been using it at this point. I am not Eagle Scout. Luckily for me, Grant is.
G.
And sometimes taking "the road less traveled" does end up making all the difference, because you find little secluded areas that may have been a secret hang out spot for only the hippest dinosaurs. Or maybe it was where the T-Rex Kiwanis Club held weekly meetings. Who wouldn't want to hold parties at a hidden pond?! (Note the reflection of the trees in the water. I loved that.)
H.
Surrounding the pond was a short wall with tiny waterfalls and stalactites. It was pretty cool. I think "stalactite" is Latin for an ancient, gooey, hangy-down thing.
I.
We heard this path was "chock-full of dinosaur sightings", so we were excited to begin our journey down this trail and back to the truck.
J.
First, we came upon the Brontosaurus. Edgar was a friendly dinosaur, but he was too big to capture in one frame, though I tried.
K.
Edgar did not like the angle of the first shot, being that it wasn't his "best side", so I took another photograph to appease him. When you are around something that big, you generally do what they ask. He still didn't fit in the frame, though I believe the side angle is far more slimming.
L.
I was trying to capture Edgar's charming smirk when, out of nowhere, the mighty T-Rex appeared. When I stood on Edgar's back to shake hands with the T-Rex (because my mother taught me the importance of social manners), he introduced himself as Francis.
M.
When I laughed at his name (not meaning to, but a T-Rex named Franis?!?), he got very angry. Not cool.
N.
Francis began to growl and throw punches with his tiny T-Rex arms and I knew I had to act fast. Grant was hiding behind Edgar. Edgar had his tail whipped around, covering his squinty Brontosaurus eyes. So, still on Edgar's back, I leaned in incredibly close (I know it was a stupid, dangerous move) and took a Polaroid* (it came out far too blurry to post). The flash threw Francis off and in all the chaos he lost his balance and toppled over on his side. I had single-handedly taken down the T-Rex. I was filled with adrenaline (and probably sugar from the fruit snacks and M&Ms), but it was still, by far, the scariest moment on our trip to Dinosaur Valley.
O.
Or so I thought. About 3/4 of a mile later, we ran into this monster. I can tell you right now...you have never experienced this kind of fear, and I pray to God you never will.
P.
As we peeled out of the park, we saw this large yellow sign. At first, after what we had seen on our trip, I wasn't sure we should ever return. After all, it was pretty treacherous at certain points. But Grant assured me that with a high-powered camera flash, a state of the art taser gun and maybe a machete, we can most definitely take on an army of 100 dinosaurs. Unless one of them is a Velociraptor. Then we'd be dead for sure. I mean, you've seen Jurassic Park.
* A special thanks goes to Ashley Anderson, for being awesome and purchasing the Polaroid camera and film...a wonderful gift that would later save my life.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
CSS + creative liberty= music madlibs
I will now replace the word "music" in the song Music is My Hot Hot Sex by CSS.
From all the drugs, the one I like more is words.
From all the junks, the one I need more is love.
From all the boys, the one I take home is J.D. Salinger.
From all the ladies, the one I kiss is a canine.
Paris is my boyfriend.
London is my girlfriend.
Mexico is my dead end.
My journal is my imaginary friend.
Miles is my brother.
Melia IV is my great-granddaughter.
Miles in a dress is my sister.
Lifetime Television for Women is my favorite mistress.
From all the s**t, the one I gotta buy is Diet Coke.
From all the jobs, the one I choose is professional traveler.
From all the drinks, I get drunk off wit.
From all the b******s, the one I wanna be is Beyonce.
Scotland is my beach house.
The danger zone is my hometown.
Weekends are my king size bed.
Coffee is where I meet my friends.
Chenin Blanc is my hot, hot bath.
Dessert is my hot, hot sex.
Pilates is my backrub.
My neck is where I'd like you to touch.
From all the drugs, the one I like more is words.
From all the junks, the one I need more is love.
From all the boys, the one I take home is J.D. Salinger.
From all the ladies, the one I kiss is a canine.
Paris is my boyfriend.
London is my girlfriend.
Mexico is my dead end.
My journal is my imaginary friend.
Miles is my brother.
Melia IV is my great-granddaughter.
Miles in a dress is my sister.
Lifetime Television for Women is my favorite mistress.
From all the s**t, the one I gotta buy is Diet Coke.
From all the jobs, the one I choose is professional traveler.
From all the drinks, I get drunk off wit.
From all the b******s, the one I wanna be is Beyonce.
Scotland is my beach house.
The danger zone is my hometown.
Weekends are my king size bed.
Coffee is where I meet my friends.
Chenin Blanc is my hot, hot bath.
Dessert is my hot, hot sex.
Pilates is my backrub.
My neck is where I'd like you to touch.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Haiku: Part 7 of 7
I don't understand
why it is called a toothbrush
when it's a teethbrush.
the end.
why it is called a toothbrush
when it's a teethbrush.
the end.
Friday, December 07, 2007
This day would be much better...
if I had one of these to greet me at the door.
We're talking exponentially, really a lot better.
We're talking exponentially, really a lot better.
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