Hello all! I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. I spent most of the weekend trying to get some things accomplished for school before the craziness of SING began. It is here though, and we are going full speed ahead. This weekend I saved quite a bit of money, somehow scoring free meals here and there, and I used some cash I had put away plus the money I saved not having to buy food on clothes, etc. Friday night I went on a terrific double date. We ate at Texas Roadhouse (free steak!) and then we let Wayne and Danielle hang out at the apartment while we went to see "Garden State"! Saturday I took photos of Danielle and Wayne and he bought me lunch as a thank you; he is an incredible guy! Way to go Danny-P!
If you have not seen "Garden State", you simply must go. I laughed so hard at one point that I inhaled my gum and then swallowed it. I felt like a third grader. I haven't swallowed gum in forever. I think the people around me thought I was a) hyperventilating or b) dying. If you have seen the movie, I inhaled my gum somewhere between Andrew asking Sam to get in the sidecar of his motorcycle and the part where Sam is telling Andrew about her brother being adopted from Sally Struthers-- a cup of coffee a day kid. Oh man, I lost it. It is brilliant and poignant, hilarious and raw. It's one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. It's going on the Christmas list, baby!
Okay, I want to share a quick story that I heard at church yesterday. It really affected me and I have been thinking about it ever since. Dr. Christopher told us a story about Paco and his father. Paco was seventeen years old and, having arguments with and wronging his father, he decided it was time to go out on his own and move to Madrid. When he left, his father was heartbroken. He could not stand the pain of his only son leaving. He also hated the tension that was between them because his love for his son was so great. Paco's father decided to take out an ad in the newspaper in the city where Paco lived. The ad said:
Paco,
Meet me in the lobby of the Hotel Madrid at 2 o'clock on Friday. All is forgiven.
I love you,
Dad
When his father arrived, he planned to find his son waiting for him in the lobby of the hotel. When he entered the lobby, he found 800 boys/young men named Paco waiting to reunited with their fathers.
This story is incredible. It truly reflects the human longing for forgiveness and reconciliation. When we have built walls to keep those we love away, how badly do we want to tear them down and find peace? That is human nature. When someone builds a wall against us, how much do we want to hear them say, "(Fill in your name here), meet me. All is forgiven. I love you"? We all want to be forgiven. We all want to be shown mercy and grace. In most cases, we would all jump at the chance to right our wrongs. To reconcile with the people we feel animosity towards or who feel animosity towards us. We want to receive a letter like is seen above. We want them to greet us with open arms, saying, "All is forgiven. Let's move past this." How awesome is it that we receive a letter like this in our "mailboxes" every day from God? He is calling to each of us, saying, "(Fill in your name here), meet with me today. All is forgiven. I love you." He shows us grace and mercy daily, and He knows all about us-- our sins, our wounds, our ugly parts, yet He still wants to meet with us and show us His love. I think that is amazing.
Anyway, I need to go to work, so I better stop here. I will not be writing this week. We have to be up at the school from 6-midnight all week, so any free time I have I should probably do homework instead of huddling around my computer. I hope all of you have a terrific week! I will post sometime after Sunday. Oh, and if you haven't seen "Garden State", do yourself a favor and go see it. The soundtrack is awesome too! I have had Frou Frou stuck in my head all day. I will close with my favorite quotes from "Garden State":
Sam : Hey, I recognize you.
Andrew Largeman : Oh, did you go to Columbia High?
Sam : No, not from high school, from TV. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback?
Andrew Largeman : Yeah.
Sam : Are you really retarded?
Andrew Largeman : No.
Sam : Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean, you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win, hands down, kick his ass!
Andrew Largeman : You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Sam : I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman : You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
Andrew Largeman : We may not always be as happy as you always dreamed we'd be, but for once, let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are.
Sam : This is your one opportunity to do something that no one has ever done before and that no one will copy throughout human existence. And if nothing else, you will be remembered as the one guy who ever did this. This one thing.
Andrew Largeman : You know, this necklace makes me think of this totally random memory of my mother. I was a little kid, and I was crying for whatever reason. And she was cradling me, rocking me back and forth, and I can just remember the silver balls rolling around. And there was snot dripping all over my face. She offered me her sleeve and told me to blow my nose. I can remember, even as a little kid, thinking to myself, "This is love... this is love."
Andrew Largeman : I don't want to waste another moment of my life without you in it. This is not over. I'm not putting a period at the end of anything. I'm putting like... an ellipses on it.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
In Eastland, the options are endless...
Gasoline: $15.00
Dinner: $8.00
Ice cream for two: $4.54
Drink at Sonic: $1.29
Total driving time: 2 hours
Spending three hours with a friend you haven't seen in a while: Priceless
I just got back from my rendevous in Eastland with Emily; she has deemed tonight the "Pulido-palooza"! The drive was awesome, and I felt more at peace than I have in a while. It was just me, the open road, good music, and I felt so relaxed on the way down there and back that I found myself driving under the speed limit, which is not like me at all. The drive back was great because there was no traffic and the sky was clear so I could see the stars! I really took my time and drove and listened to music and it was great because I didn't have any deadlines or pressures or time frames. No one was waiting on me at home, so I could get back as late as I wanted. The meeting time was also flexible, and I love that.
We ate at Pulido's Mexican Restaurant for dinner. I had the chicken enchilada dinner and it was terrific, plus our waiter was super handsome! It was nice to catch up with Emily and hear all about medical school and the cute boys and the hard exams, etc. We talked about guitars and music, concerts she's been to, friends (old and new), writing, etc. She let me read a few passages to her from what I have so far of my autobiography, and it was great getting her feedback. It's easy to forget the feeling of "someone gets me"-- I love that feeling and I love that Emily "gets" me and always has. We went to DQ for dessert and got blizzards. I highly recommend the DQ in Eastland, as there is this little...we called it a "nook"...right out front. There are several trees that surround it, and except for the Eastland cop that kept passing, it was a great place to sit and talk. I predict, in the year 2024, Eastland will be a thriving metropolis. You hide and watch! :)
It's time for a brief funny story: Tonight, I am waiting at McDonald's for Emily and I clean out my glove compartment, flip through a magazine, and then I grab my Bible looking for a specific verse for Sunday's service. I am sitting there, flipping through the New Testament, when through my window I hear this high-pitched barking. I see a dog in the car next to me, going crazy. I think it was a Chihuahua. The owner(s) had tied its leash around the rear view mirror (who does that?) and it was desperately trying to climb out the window. It was hopping around and the mirror would keep yanking him back. I think it would have been so choice if the mirror had been ripped completely off by this tiny, ferocious animal and the dog had been found wandering down Interstate 20, dragging the mirror behind.
Anyway, what made it even funnier is that I didn't truly take it in until later. Instead, I went right back to reading out of Romans. I read Ch. 12, and though I have read it before, it truly struck a chord. In verses 9-12 Paul writes, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The rest of the chapter is great, so if you feel so inclined, read it; I know you will enjoy it. The main reason I even posted this is because I am so thankful that the Bible gives its readers little "nuggets" of wisdom, if you will. Kind of summaries of much more broad subjects. These verses are so simply put, but they encompass so much. Think if all Christians aspired to these concepts, people would know we were different right off the bat. What if we lived in a world where everyone was sincere, devotion was consistent in people's characters instead of a rarity, and we were able to sit and wait for answers instead of growing impatient? Wouldn't that be an incredible society to live in?
If you read this and you live in Abilene and you do not go to church or you are not going this Sunday, you can always watch First Baptist on television (I think it's channel 5, but if not it is 4 or 10). The sermon this week is going to be great, and we are singing "How Beautiful". For those of you that grew up at First Baptist (or Emily who sang in the choir there), you should find this both ironic and funny. Don't get me wrong, I love "How Beautiful"; how could you not love Twila Paris?! I just believe that in my (approximately) seven years in the church choir, we sang "How Beautiful" (approximately) ten times. Not to mention several times in choir at A-high. This time, I am changing it up, because for the first time I am singing alto. It's different and fun; I like it. Anyway, we will be singing that in the service on Sunday. Also, mark your calendars because I want you all to come, FBC is hosting a program called "Christmas at the Paramount" and I believe it's on December 5th. Todd, the director, wants the entire event to feel like you are at your grandma's house for Christmas, so there will be cookies, and cider, and Christmas trees, and festive music, etc. The choir is doing most of the program and the music I got on Wednesday for the big event is a lot of fun. Please come! If you want tickets, let me know. They are free. That's right ladies and gentlemen...free. You could come, bring a date, free date night!
Well, I need to get to bed soon. Tomorrow I am going shopping with my mother and grandmother, and then tomorrow night I have the big double date with Danielle. I am not going with Danielle. Danielle's boyfriend Wayne is in town and they have set me up.
Dinner: $8.00
Ice cream for two: $4.54
Drink at Sonic: $1.29
Total driving time: 2 hours
Spending three hours with a friend you haven't seen in a while: Priceless
I just got back from my rendevous in Eastland with Emily; she has deemed tonight the "Pulido-palooza"! The drive was awesome, and I felt more at peace than I have in a while. It was just me, the open road, good music, and I felt so relaxed on the way down there and back that I found myself driving under the speed limit, which is not like me at all. The drive back was great because there was no traffic and the sky was clear so I could see the stars! I really took my time and drove and listened to music and it was great because I didn't have any deadlines or pressures or time frames. No one was waiting on me at home, so I could get back as late as I wanted. The meeting time was also flexible, and I love that.
We ate at Pulido's Mexican Restaurant for dinner. I had the chicken enchilada dinner and it was terrific, plus our waiter was super handsome! It was nice to catch up with Emily and hear all about medical school and the cute boys and the hard exams, etc. We talked about guitars and music, concerts she's been to, friends (old and new), writing, etc. She let me read a few passages to her from what I have so far of my autobiography, and it was great getting her feedback. It's easy to forget the feeling of "someone gets me"-- I love that feeling and I love that Emily "gets" me and always has. We went to DQ for dessert and got blizzards. I highly recommend the DQ in Eastland, as there is this little...we called it a "nook"...right out front. There are several trees that surround it, and except for the Eastland cop that kept passing, it was a great place to sit and talk. I predict, in the year 2024, Eastland will be a thriving metropolis. You hide and watch! :)
It's time for a brief funny story: Tonight, I am waiting at McDonald's for Emily and I clean out my glove compartment, flip through a magazine, and then I grab my Bible looking for a specific verse for Sunday's service. I am sitting there, flipping through the New Testament, when through my window I hear this high-pitched barking. I see a dog in the car next to me, going crazy. I think it was a Chihuahua. The owner(s) had tied its leash around the rear view mirror (who does that?) and it was desperately trying to climb out the window. It was hopping around and the mirror would keep yanking him back. I think it would have been so choice if the mirror had been ripped completely off by this tiny, ferocious animal and the dog had been found wandering down Interstate 20, dragging the mirror behind.
Anyway, what made it even funnier is that I didn't truly take it in until later. Instead, I went right back to reading out of Romans. I read Ch. 12, and though I have read it before, it truly struck a chord. In verses 9-12 Paul writes, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." The rest of the chapter is great, so if you feel so inclined, read it; I know you will enjoy it. The main reason I even posted this is because I am so thankful that the Bible gives its readers little "nuggets" of wisdom, if you will. Kind of summaries of much more broad subjects. These verses are so simply put, but they encompass so much. Think if all Christians aspired to these concepts, people would know we were different right off the bat. What if we lived in a world where everyone was sincere, devotion was consistent in people's characters instead of a rarity, and we were able to sit and wait for answers instead of growing impatient? Wouldn't that be an incredible society to live in?
If you read this and you live in Abilene and you do not go to church or you are not going this Sunday, you can always watch First Baptist on television (I think it's channel 5, but if not it is 4 or 10). The sermon this week is going to be great, and we are singing "How Beautiful". For those of you that grew up at First Baptist (or Emily who sang in the choir there), you should find this both ironic and funny. Don't get me wrong, I love "How Beautiful"; how could you not love Twila Paris?! I just believe that in my (approximately) seven years in the church choir, we sang "How Beautiful" (approximately) ten times. Not to mention several times in choir at A-high. This time, I am changing it up, because for the first time I am singing alto. It's different and fun; I like it. Anyway, we will be singing that in the service on Sunday. Also, mark your calendars because I want you all to come, FBC is hosting a program called "Christmas at the Paramount" and I believe it's on December 5th. Todd, the director, wants the entire event to feel like you are at your grandma's house for Christmas, so there will be cookies, and cider, and Christmas trees, and festive music, etc. The choir is doing most of the program and the music I got on Wednesday for the big event is a lot of fun. Please come! If you want tickets, let me know. They are free. That's right ladies and gentlemen...free. You could come, bring a date, free date night!
Well, I need to get to bed soon. Tomorrow I am going shopping with my mother and grandmother, and then tomorrow night I have the big double date with Danielle. I am not going with Danielle. Danielle's boyfriend Wayne is in town and they have set me up.
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
With love we will survive...
The title of this blog is a line from Flickerstick. I will be going to see them the weekend after Sing! How excited am I? Oh, very!
I am not going to write tomorrow because there are a million and one things going on (and tomorrow will be my first time to go to church choir practice-- it feels like I am back in high school) especially with Sing sneaking up on me. I cannot believe it is next weekend! Rehearsals are going well, but with Fall Break we cannot meet again until Sunday night at 10pm. It's getting crazy. We have to be up at the school every night next week from 6-11; I am not looking forward to that. I am looking forward to sitting in the audience and getting to watch for the first time ever. I am also excited about Marjorie, Carolyn, David, and other alumni coming in! Homecoming weekend is always incredible!
Today I got all flustered in a conversation between a professor, two computer nerds, and me. (Sounds like the beginning to a bad joke doesn't it? So there was this professor...two nerds..and....) We were talking about literature and technology. I am not so much an advocate for technology when it applies to literature; I like to have a hardback book in my hands...something tangible. They were all like, "Well, within the next thirty years most books will not even go through the publishing process, they will be E-books...blah blah blah." The idea of my children not holding a book, but rather getting online scares me. I remember the thrill of a new book-- going to Scholastic book fairs, the way a new books smells-- it becomes like an old friend that you can take off the shelf and flip through anytime. Well, I got off on this soap box, if you will, and I got all flabbergasted. There were several occasions where I couldn't get words out...just inarticulate sounds. My teacher just started whimsically waving her hands and she said, "Melia, Melia...use your words." Hearing her say that made me laugh so hard! It is a running joke between me and my friend Cara, whom I haven't talked to in a while; I hope she's doing well.:) Mrs. Kendrick can always make me laugh! I think I got my point across to the two computer nerds, but I don't think they will ever understand. Really, we are on polar opposite sides. Their careers depend on the growth of technology. Mine thrives on the past, really. I don't think either career will ever be made obsolete-- at least that's what I am hoping, because we all know that mine would be the first to go!
So, tonight I am having dinner at Chili's with Ashley and Shannon. Ashley's husband Toby has been out of town (except on the weekends) for a few weeks now, so during the week we like to get together and hang out. We were going to attempt to cook, but that would just be a waste of time and the food would not equal her husband's cuisine. Who are we kidding? The quality of the food at Chili's doesn't hold a candle to her husband's fabulous meals. Tonight we are watching a movie, which should be a great way to escape the pressure of stacks of homework waiting a home. On second thought, maybe I should stay home and do my homework. No, no...what am I thinking?!
One exciting project going on right now, that is taking me away from my school work is: I am looking into different PhD programs and weighing my options. Right now I am looking at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, Texas A&M, Baylor, and the University of Washington. If you know of any good programs, let me know. I am not sure that this is the route I want to take, but I have been thinking about it more and more recently.
Anyway, I will post again on Thursday afternoon, before I hit the road to meet Emily! I hope you all have a terrific week! Over and out.
I am not going to write tomorrow because there are a million and one things going on (and tomorrow will be my first time to go to church choir practice-- it feels like I am back in high school) especially with Sing sneaking up on me. I cannot believe it is next weekend! Rehearsals are going well, but with Fall Break we cannot meet again until Sunday night at 10pm. It's getting crazy. We have to be up at the school every night next week from 6-11; I am not looking forward to that. I am looking forward to sitting in the audience and getting to watch for the first time ever. I am also excited about Marjorie, Carolyn, David, and other alumni coming in! Homecoming weekend is always incredible!
Today I got all flustered in a conversation between a professor, two computer nerds, and me. (Sounds like the beginning to a bad joke doesn't it? So there was this professor...two nerds..and....) We were talking about literature and technology. I am not so much an advocate for technology when it applies to literature; I like to have a hardback book in my hands...something tangible. They were all like, "Well, within the next thirty years most books will not even go through the publishing process, they will be E-books...blah blah blah." The idea of my children not holding a book, but rather getting online scares me. I remember the thrill of a new book-- going to Scholastic book fairs, the way a new books smells-- it becomes like an old friend that you can take off the shelf and flip through anytime. Well, I got off on this soap box, if you will, and I got all flabbergasted. There were several occasions where I couldn't get words out...just inarticulate sounds. My teacher just started whimsically waving her hands and she said, "Melia, Melia...use your words." Hearing her say that made me laugh so hard! It is a running joke between me and my friend Cara, whom I haven't talked to in a while; I hope she's doing well.:) Mrs. Kendrick can always make me laugh! I think I got my point across to the two computer nerds, but I don't think they will ever understand. Really, we are on polar opposite sides. Their careers depend on the growth of technology. Mine thrives on the past, really. I don't think either career will ever be made obsolete-- at least that's what I am hoping, because we all know that mine would be the first to go!
So, tonight I am having dinner at Chili's with Ashley and Shannon. Ashley's husband Toby has been out of town (except on the weekends) for a few weeks now, so during the week we like to get together and hang out. We were going to attempt to cook, but that would just be a waste of time and the food would not equal her husband's cuisine. Who are we kidding? The quality of the food at Chili's doesn't hold a candle to her husband's fabulous meals. Tonight we are watching a movie, which should be a great way to escape the pressure of stacks of homework waiting a home. On second thought, maybe I should stay home and do my homework. No, no...what am I thinking?!
One exciting project going on right now, that is taking me away from my school work is: I am looking into different PhD programs and weighing my options. Right now I am looking at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, Texas A&M, Baylor, and the University of Washington. If you know of any good programs, let me know. I am not sure that this is the route I want to take, but I have been thinking about it more and more recently.
Anyway, I will post again on Thursday afternoon, before I hit the road to meet Emily! I hope you all have a terrific week! Over and out.
Monday, October 18, 2004
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song...
First off, I want to thank you Trevor for the kind words you left me. I appreciate your encouragement and, as I said, your wisdom. Thank you for your steadfast friendship, though time and distance separate us. Emily, I look forward to talking to you more on Thursday night. Eastland here we come, baby! Can you say progressive dinner?!
Secondly, did you know that the 'Q' was missing from my can of Campbell's Alphabet Soup at lunch? As I pushed my spoon around I found A-P and then R-Z, but no Q. I feel jipped in a way. I urge you to go to your local grocery store, by some Campbell's, pop open a can, cook it on high for two minutes, sit down with some Zesta crackers and the bowl of soup and go through the alphabet. Maybe you will have the missing Q. Maybe one of your letters will be missing. Check it out and report back.
This weekend was nice and relaxing. Friday we took Jason out for his birthday. We went to Texas Roadhouse, but we did not tell them it was his birthday. I figure when we made him ride the saddle last year at TR, we had tormented him enough. It was a fun group and the steak was incredible, as always. The rest of the night we just hung out and talked. Saturday was Katie and Josh's wedding. It was really nice: quaint, elegant, simple. I loved it and she was a knock-out! The reception at the Windsor was beautiful. There was dancing, a slide show featuring the engagement shots I took of them what seems forever long ago-- at Rose Park and ones at the Church of the Heavenly Rest, and most importantly-- all kinds of cake! Chocolate cake, white cake, cheesecake! Excitement! I was asked to take more engagement photos by two couples at the wedding, so that should be fun, and I am taking Danielle and her boyfriend Wayne's pictures this Saturday. The rest of Saturday I spent cleaning and doing homework because I knew we would be up and out late. We ate dinner and, ironically, watched bits and pieces of "The Growing Pains Reunion"! :) Kim made all of us chicken fettucini alfredo, Danielle made the peach tea, I made nothing-- which is how I like it. Carrie, Kris and I just sat around until dinner was ready-- that's the life. Later that evening we went to Java City and then to The Leaf where Levi Smith was playing. He was incredible and Kris bought and burned his album for us. It has this great, acoustic feel and I am thoroughly enjoying it. That night was the Halloween party in theatre, and that was awesome! The costumes alone were worth going for. We ate pizza and cookies and played murder in the dark, which is always exciting! Danielle and I ended up going home around 2:30 and I wrote for awhile and then went to bed around four. Sunday was the most exciting day for me because the sermon at FBC was incredible, and it was great to see my friend Luke who now lives in New York; he is in Nathan Lane's musical "Frogs" on Broadway. The song, the message, the hymns, everything was incredible and it was just what I needed to hear. I have ordered a tape of it, and Emily-- I think you may enjoy it! Last night I went to coffee with Rachel and it was such a breath of fresh air. We drove around and listened to Sara Groves and The Normals and just talked about life, friends, trials, relationships, grace, etc. I was going to put up Ginny Owens lyrics today, but in writing the last line, I am thinking back to the song "More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark. It seems so fitting. Remember when we used to drive around singing it, Emily? For purposes of nostalgia, and purposes of thankfulness, I will put them here:
"More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark
Something brought you to my mind today.
I thought about the funny ways
you make me laugh,
and yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you.
Something about just being with you,
when I leave I feel like I've been with God
and that's the way it ought to be, yeah.
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me,
you fight off my enemies.
'Cause you have spoken the truth over my life.
And you'll never know what it means to me,
just to know you've been on your knees for me.
Oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You had faith when I had none.
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song,
when I didn't think I could find the strength to sing.
And all the while I've been hoping that I'll
do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me,
and that's the way it ought to be, yeah.
You have carried me.
You have taken upon a burden
that wasn't your own, yeah.
May that blessing return to you
a hundredfold.
Oh oh yeah, a hundredfold.
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me,
you fight off my enemies.
'Cause you have spoken the truth over my life.
And you'll never know what it means to me,
just to know you've been on your knees for me.
Oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah more than you'll ever know.
More than you'll ever know.
One lesson I have learned this weekend is that we need to be on our knees for all reasons. For our friends, for our enemies, for those we have hurt, for those that have hurt us, for forgiveness, for healing, for reconciliation, for wisdom, for thanks, to ask questions, to express doubts, even to voice anger. We need to come to Him with all things, and that is something I overlook. I want to take things on my own, plow through them with my own steam. Sometimes I only pray for myself, expressing thankfulness or concerns or requests, but in praying for the hearts of others we become less hardened. Matthew 5:7 says, "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." In prayer there is forgiveness and peace and happiness. The Normals write, "Heaven holds a promise for every friend we've left behind, and Time is not the ruler like I thought he was. Someday soon we'll wake up, wake to see each other running. Arms open. All if forgiven. Heaven heals." What a terrific image. One that tugs on your heart strings. That there will be a day when everyone that has walked away or that I have walked away from-- barriers will be dropped and we will all come back together. When God has healed us all, where there is no anger or malice...only forgiveness and love, there we will come running with arms open. I am ready for that day!
Secondly, did you know that the 'Q' was missing from my can of Campbell's Alphabet Soup at lunch? As I pushed my spoon around I found A-P and then R-Z, but no Q. I feel jipped in a way. I urge you to go to your local grocery store, by some Campbell's, pop open a can, cook it on high for two minutes, sit down with some Zesta crackers and the bowl of soup and go through the alphabet. Maybe you will have the missing Q. Maybe one of your letters will be missing. Check it out and report back.
This weekend was nice and relaxing. Friday we took Jason out for his birthday. We went to Texas Roadhouse, but we did not tell them it was his birthday. I figure when we made him ride the saddle last year at TR, we had tormented him enough. It was a fun group and the steak was incredible, as always. The rest of the night we just hung out and talked. Saturday was Katie and Josh's wedding. It was really nice: quaint, elegant, simple. I loved it and she was a knock-out! The reception at the Windsor was beautiful. There was dancing, a slide show featuring the engagement shots I took of them what seems forever long ago-- at Rose Park and ones at the Church of the Heavenly Rest, and most importantly-- all kinds of cake! Chocolate cake, white cake, cheesecake! Excitement! I was asked to take more engagement photos by two couples at the wedding, so that should be fun, and I am taking Danielle and her boyfriend Wayne's pictures this Saturday. The rest of Saturday I spent cleaning and doing homework because I knew we would be up and out late. We ate dinner and, ironically, watched bits and pieces of "The Growing Pains Reunion"! :) Kim made all of us chicken fettucini alfredo, Danielle made the peach tea, I made nothing-- which is how I like it. Carrie, Kris and I just sat around until dinner was ready-- that's the life. Later that evening we went to Java City and then to The Leaf where Levi Smith was playing. He was incredible and Kris bought and burned his album for us. It has this great, acoustic feel and I am thoroughly enjoying it. That night was the Halloween party in theatre, and that was awesome! The costumes alone were worth going for. We ate pizza and cookies and played murder in the dark, which is always exciting! Danielle and I ended up going home around 2:30 and I wrote for awhile and then went to bed around four. Sunday was the most exciting day for me because the sermon at FBC was incredible, and it was great to see my friend Luke who now lives in New York; he is in Nathan Lane's musical "Frogs" on Broadway. The song, the message, the hymns, everything was incredible and it was just what I needed to hear. I have ordered a tape of it, and Emily-- I think you may enjoy it! Last night I went to coffee with Rachel and it was such a breath of fresh air. We drove around and listened to Sara Groves and The Normals and just talked about life, friends, trials, relationships, grace, etc. I was going to put up Ginny Owens lyrics today, but in writing the last line, I am thinking back to the song "More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark. It seems so fitting. Remember when we used to drive around singing it, Emily? For purposes of nostalgia, and purposes of thankfulness, I will put them here:
"More Than You'll Ever Know" by Watermark
Something brought you to my mind today.
I thought about the funny ways
you make me laugh,
and yet I feel like it's okay to cry with you.
Something about just being with you,
when I leave I feel like I've been with God
and that's the way it ought to be, yeah.
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me,
you fight off my enemies.
'Cause you have spoken the truth over my life.
And you'll never know what it means to me,
just to know you've been on your knees for me.
Oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You had faith when I had none.
You prayed God would bring me a brand new song,
when I didn't think I could find the strength to sing.
And all the while I've been hoping that I'll
do the kind of praying for you that you've done for me,
and that's the way it ought to be, yeah.
You have carried me.
You have taken upon a burden
that wasn't your own, yeah.
May that blessing return to you
a hundredfold.
Oh oh yeah, a hundredfold.
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me,
you fight off my enemies.
'Cause you have spoken the truth over my life.
And you'll never know what it means to me,
just to know you've been on your knees for me.
Oh, you have blessed my life
more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, more than you'll ever know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah more than you'll ever know.
More than you'll ever know.
One lesson I have learned this weekend is that we need to be on our knees for all reasons. For our friends, for our enemies, for those we have hurt, for those that have hurt us, for forgiveness, for healing, for reconciliation, for wisdom, for thanks, to ask questions, to express doubts, even to voice anger. We need to come to Him with all things, and that is something I overlook. I want to take things on my own, plow through them with my own steam. Sometimes I only pray for myself, expressing thankfulness or concerns or requests, but in praying for the hearts of others we become less hardened. Matthew 5:7 says, "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." In prayer there is forgiveness and peace and happiness. The Normals write, "Heaven holds a promise for every friend we've left behind, and Time is not the ruler like I thought he was. Someday soon we'll wake up, wake to see each other running. Arms open. All if forgiven. Heaven heals." What a terrific image. One that tugs on your heart strings. That there will be a day when everyone that has walked away or that I have walked away from-- barriers will be dropped and we will all come back together. When God has healed us all, where there is no anger or malice...only forgiveness and love, there we will come running with arms open. I am ready for that day!
Friday, October 15, 2004
And the disappearing shall reappear...
in dreams.
Before I get into the blog I want to mention dreams. For the past two weeks I have been having dreams with people I know and love in them, and we are not doing anything spectacular; we are usually just having coffee or watching TV or laying around talking. Two nights ago I had one with Chris that felt so, so real. I woke up, and though I have emailed him in hopes of resolving things, nothing has been resolved. I guess I just need to find closure within myself, so that's what I am currently working on, but isn't it crazy that in our dreams we can meet up with people that are gone or that you no longer speak to and they are just as real as they were when you last spoke or went out for coffee? I had one a while back with Angela, and we were just out talking. I woke up disappointed because she is no longer here, but also happy that I could see her and talk to her, even if it was in my imagination. This morning I woke up, after having a dream with a friend that I have not talked to in a couple weeks, and I was actually mid sentence. She said, "I'm cold." And I said, "Wait a second and I will turn off...", and I woke up saying "the fan" and looking for her. Random, right? Dreams are crazy. I feel like your subconscious brings up issues that are unresolved, and in your dreams you can attempt to resolve them. My dream last night might have stemmed from a verse in Matthew 5 that I read before bed. It says, "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering." Closure is Biblical. I hate that I have attempted to reconcile things the past few weeks via email, because words come across wrong-- as I have said in a previous posting. Maybe I am scared of confrontation, but I think if Chris were here I would ask him to coffee. Kansas is just a long way away. I want to ask others to coffee, but I am scared of their responses...scared of making anymore moves. I just wish I knew if any of these people have received my attempts in communication. I guess there is no way of knowing whether or not someone has received your email. Emails asking for forgiveness (for little insignificant things, as well as the big), hoping to find some peace. That's really all I want. I want to re-open lines of communication and find a common ground. That's what God calls us to do, but what can I do when I feel like I have tried everything? It seems like I should just stop pressing the envelope and wait for others to make a move, if they ever do-- I pray they do. I would appreciate input on this...Emily, Trevor, Keren...I trust your sage wisdom, and I am at the end of my rope. I will go ahead and say thank you, in case you do have any advice. Thank you.
This blog will be broken down into three parts: school, life, and extracurricular activities.
School: I have not written in a while because of crazy mid-terms week/professors all decided to make their papers and huge projects due on the same day. Thanks English Department at HSU. Right now I am reading Helen Keller's autobiography, which is a wonderful and pretty quick read. I am using this book for two presentations next week-- in American Autobiographies, as well as my Reading for Adolescents course. I love that I decided to do that, because that means less reading for me. I am finishing Hurston's Dust Tracks On A Road, which is wonderful. I have a research paper due in two weeks for Thompson and my own autobiography is due in a week and a half. I feel a tangent about the autobiography coming on. I have very much enjoyed writing my own autobiography because it has allowed me to experiment with various techniques and styles that are somewhat innovative. I have enjoyed sitting at coffee shops at night, writing in a journal, because taking in everything around me has given me wonderful ideas to work with. It's been therapeutic for me, and I find myself looking forward to that time throughout the day. Right now I am having to figure out transitions in subjects, and that has been a daunting task, but nonetheless, I am enjoying it thoroughly! As far as presentation goes, I believe I am going to hand out copies to everyone in the class because, as I cannot create or keep up with three different voices, it would be hard for them to follow. A few months ago, my friend Cara suggested that I wear glasses when I am speaking from the counselor's point of view. I hope I can make that work because it is a terrific idea. There are a few times when the dialogue is somewhat quick- back and forth- and I am not sure if I could put them on, take them off, put them back on, that rapidly. We will see. I have been reading segments of it, thus far, to my roommates when I get back from Starbucks, or Mezamiz, or Java City, and they are so wonderful to sit there and listen to me ramble on. I am both excited and scared to present it to the class. I wish I had a bigger pre-reading audience to give me feedback. Maybe I will round up some strangers and buy them coffee if they listen.
Life: Life is good! Katie and Josh are getting married tomorrow, so that should be exciting. Yesterday in the computer lab she was like, "Hey Melia, could you sing at the wedding?" I was thinking, "Your wedding? Saturday? This Saturday? A song I have never heard...hmm." I think she saw the fear in my eyes and she was like, "No...it's okay. I just thought maybe you could." I felt like a heel, but this weekend is crazy enough as it is; plus, she didn't have the sheet music. Buh?! Kris Noteboom is coming back to Abilene this weekend, so mucho excitemento!! We were going to take a roadtrip to Dallas this weekend, but Danielle has rehearsal and Kim has something, so we are staying here. It ended up working out perfectly though because I had forgotten all about the wedding, and I most definitely want to be there. Katie has been a friend of mine for a few years, and even though we haven't talked much as of late (with busy schedules and different friends), I wouldn't miss it for the world. Singing at is a whole other story. One day of preparation? Whatever! Saturday night there is a party in the theatre. An early Halloween party. I am not sure if I am going or not, as I hate Halloween and I know we will be up uber-late. I jokingly told my roommates that I couldn't go because there is a Growing Pains reunion on. What if that were really my reason for not going? I think it should be, and I hope they tell everyone that that is why I am not there. I love me some Seavers!
Extracurricular activities: There have not been too many activities this week besides library time, and time spent hovering over books in a coffee shop. I wanted to go see Snow Patrol on Wednesday, but seeing as how I had a project due Thursday I couldn't make it. I was so happy when Emily called from the concert during my favorite song! She scored many, many cool points, but more than that I just appreciated it a lot. I had had my nose in a book all night, and when she called at 11pm and I heard her voice and then SP playing "Run" in the background, it made my night. Thank you Emily, for thinking of me. Wednesday was exciting because I met Rachel for our weekly coffee "date". I still cannot believe we meet at 8am, but I always leave wide awake and thankful for that mid-week pick me up. Also, something else I have been thoroughly enjoying is my new work out routine. It helps break up all of the reading and writing, etc. Three times a week I ride 5K on my bike..usually from my parents house to HSU, around the campus, and back. Then, on alternating days, I do Pilates. I feel better than I have in a long time. Working out helps with stress so much and it gives me something in the middle of the day to look forward to. I hope to continue finding the motivation to do this, even when it gets cold outside. The weather this week has been incredible. It's so beautiful and there is a crisp breeze. I adore it. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Tonight, it's Girls Night, only we are taking us some "mens" along! Jason's birthday is on Sunday, so let the celebration begin tonight! Happy upcoming birthday man, you know I love you! ...In that purely platonic way! :)
Before I get into the blog I want to mention dreams. For the past two weeks I have been having dreams with people I know and love in them, and we are not doing anything spectacular; we are usually just having coffee or watching TV or laying around talking. Two nights ago I had one with Chris that felt so, so real. I woke up, and though I have emailed him in hopes of resolving things, nothing has been resolved. I guess I just need to find closure within myself, so that's what I am currently working on, but isn't it crazy that in our dreams we can meet up with people that are gone or that you no longer speak to and they are just as real as they were when you last spoke or went out for coffee? I had one a while back with Angela, and we were just out talking. I woke up disappointed because she is no longer here, but also happy that I could see her and talk to her, even if it was in my imagination. This morning I woke up, after having a dream with a friend that I have not talked to in a couple weeks, and I was actually mid sentence. She said, "I'm cold." And I said, "Wait a second and I will turn off...", and I woke up saying "the fan" and looking for her. Random, right? Dreams are crazy. I feel like your subconscious brings up issues that are unresolved, and in your dreams you can attempt to resolve them. My dream last night might have stemmed from a verse in Matthew 5 that I read before bed. It says, "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering." Closure is Biblical. I hate that I have attempted to reconcile things the past few weeks via email, because words come across wrong-- as I have said in a previous posting. Maybe I am scared of confrontation, but I think if Chris were here I would ask him to coffee. Kansas is just a long way away. I want to ask others to coffee, but I am scared of their responses...scared of making anymore moves. I just wish I knew if any of these people have received my attempts in communication. I guess there is no way of knowing whether or not someone has received your email. Emails asking for forgiveness (for little insignificant things, as well as the big), hoping to find some peace. That's really all I want. I want to re-open lines of communication and find a common ground. That's what God calls us to do, but what can I do when I feel like I have tried everything? It seems like I should just stop pressing the envelope and wait for others to make a move, if they ever do-- I pray they do. I would appreciate input on this...Emily, Trevor, Keren...I trust your sage wisdom, and I am at the end of my rope. I will go ahead and say thank you, in case you do have any advice. Thank you.
This blog will be broken down into three parts: school, life, and extracurricular activities.
School: I have not written in a while because of crazy mid-terms week/professors all decided to make their papers and huge projects due on the same day. Thanks English Department at HSU. Right now I am reading Helen Keller's autobiography, which is a wonderful and pretty quick read. I am using this book for two presentations next week-- in American Autobiographies, as well as my Reading for Adolescents course. I love that I decided to do that, because that means less reading for me. I am finishing Hurston's Dust Tracks On A Road, which is wonderful. I have a research paper due in two weeks for Thompson and my own autobiography is due in a week and a half. I feel a tangent about the autobiography coming on. I have very much enjoyed writing my own autobiography because it has allowed me to experiment with various techniques and styles that are somewhat innovative. I have enjoyed sitting at coffee shops at night, writing in a journal, because taking in everything around me has given me wonderful ideas to work with. It's been therapeutic for me, and I find myself looking forward to that time throughout the day. Right now I am having to figure out transitions in subjects, and that has been a daunting task, but nonetheless, I am enjoying it thoroughly! As far as presentation goes, I believe I am going to hand out copies to everyone in the class because, as I cannot create or keep up with three different voices, it would be hard for them to follow. A few months ago, my friend Cara suggested that I wear glasses when I am speaking from the counselor's point of view. I hope I can make that work because it is a terrific idea. There are a few times when the dialogue is somewhat quick- back and forth- and I am not sure if I could put them on, take them off, put them back on, that rapidly. We will see. I have been reading segments of it, thus far, to my roommates when I get back from Starbucks, or Mezamiz, or Java City, and they are so wonderful to sit there and listen to me ramble on. I am both excited and scared to present it to the class. I wish I had a bigger pre-reading audience to give me feedback. Maybe I will round up some strangers and buy them coffee if they listen.
Life: Life is good! Katie and Josh are getting married tomorrow, so that should be exciting. Yesterday in the computer lab she was like, "Hey Melia, could you sing at the wedding?" I was thinking, "Your wedding? Saturday? This Saturday? A song I have never heard...hmm." I think she saw the fear in my eyes and she was like, "No...it's okay. I just thought maybe you could." I felt like a heel, but this weekend is crazy enough as it is; plus, she didn't have the sheet music. Buh?! Kris Noteboom is coming back to Abilene this weekend, so mucho excitemento!! We were going to take a roadtrip to Dallas this weekend, but Danielle has rehearsal and Kim has something, so we are staying here. It ended up working out perfectly though because I had forgotten all about the wedding, and I most definitely want to be there. Katie has been a friend of mine for a few years, and even though we haven't talked much as of late (with busy schedules and different friends), I wouldn't miss it for the world. Singing at is a whole other story. One day of preparation? Whatever! Saturday night there is a party in the theatre. An early Halloween party. I am not sure if I am going or not, as I hate Halloween and I know we will be up uber-late. I jokingly told my roommates that I couldn't go because there is a Growing Pains reunion on. What if that were really my reason for not going? I think it should be, and I hope they tell everyone that that is why I am not there. I love me some Seavers!
Extracurricular activities: There have not been too many activities this week besides library time, and time spent hovering over books in a coffee shop. I wanted to go see Snow Patrol on Wednesday, but seeing as how I had a project due Thursday I couldn't make it. I was so happy when Emily called from the concert during my favorite song! She scored many, many cool points, but more than that I just appreciated it a lot. I had had my nose in a book all night, and when she called at 11pm and I heard her voice and then SP playing "Run" in the background, it made my night. Thank you Emily, for thinking of me. Wednesday was exciting because I met Rachel for our weekly coffee "date". I still cannot believe we meet at 8am, but I always leave wide awake and thankful for that mid-week pick me up. Also, something else I have been thoroughly enjoying is my new work out routine. It helps break up all of the reading and writing, etc. Three times a week I ride 5K on my bike..usually from my parents house to HSU, around the campus, and back. Then, on alternating days, I do Pilates. I feel better than I have in a long time. Working out helps with stress so much and it gives me something in the middle of the day to look forward to. I hope to continue finding the motivation to do this, even when it gets cold outside. The weather this week has been incredible. It's so beautiful and there is a crisp breeze. I adore it. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Tonight, it's Girls Night, only we are taking us some "mens" along! Jason's birthday is on Sunday, so let the celebration begin tonight! Happy upcoming birthday man, you know I love you! ...In that purely platonic way! :)
Monday, October 11, 2004
I'll sing it one last time for you...
I just found out that Snow Patrol is performing at the Gypsy Tea Room in Deep Ellum on Wednesday night. Anyone interested in going? Eisley opens for them. It will be an incredible show. I have been really into their music lately, and seeing them live would be so great. I will post lyrics from one of their songs I have been listening to today as an incentive. It is an awesome song, and the lyrics hit ya right there. You know you want to go.
"Run" by Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go.
You've been the only thing that's right
in all I've done.
And I can barely look at you,
but every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
away from here.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak. I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes,
it makes it so hard not to cry.
And as we say our long goodbyes,
I nearly do.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak. I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower, slower
we don't have time for that.
All I want is to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads.
Have heart, my dear.
We're bound to be afraid.
Even if it's just for a few days,
making up for all this mess.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
"Run" by Snow Patrol
I'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go.
You've been the only thing that's right
in all I've done.
And I can barely look at you,
but every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
away from here.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak. I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say
To think I might not see those eyes,
it makes it so hard not to cry.
And as we say our long goodbyes,
I nearly do.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
Louder, louder
and we'll run for our lives.
I can hardly speak. I understand
why you can't raise your voice to say
Slower, slower
we don't have time for that.
All I want is to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads.
Have heart, my dear.
We're bound to be afraid.
Even if it's just for a few days,
making up for all this mess.
Light up, light up
as if you have a choice.
Even if you cannot hear my voice,
I'll be right beside you dear.
Belief makes things true...
This week is already insane. Editing, reading, meetings, more reading. I am not going to post for a while. I will try to give a brief summary of ongoings, thoughts, etc. at the end of the week. We had people over until late last night, so again, I got almost nothing accomplished save for my unit plan over the life of Sylvia Plath for Reading. I did get two CD's in the deal. Kris made me two awesome albums (one mellow, one chick-rock) and I have been excited about them all day!
Did you know that I am allergic to pecans...or maybe it's walnuts? I didn't. Either way, my mouth has been paying the price for the last two days. Damn those brownies with the pretty pink icing. They drew me in, made me want more, and I woke up itching. I am boycotting nuts. Who is with me?
Okay, anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful week. Read something thought provoking (Try Dust Tracks on a Road by Zora Neale Hurston and keep highlighters near by. I have gone through two already.), listen to good music (Gavin Degraw, Damien Rice, Elliot Smith), eat delicious food until you're full, laugh a lot, hug your friends, enjoy the autumn weather, and find your own place where you can be at peace and rest. I will write in a few days.
These lyrics are for you. I told you I would post them.
"Belief" by Gavin Degraw
Belief
makes things real
makes things feel
feel alright.
Belief
makes things true
things like you
you and I.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Belief
builds from scratch
doesn't need to relax,
it doesn't need space.
Long live the queen and I'll be the king
in the collar of grace.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Belief
I'm going to yell it from the rooftops.
I'll wear a sign on my chest,
that's the least I can do.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my
belief.
Did you know that I am allergic to pecans...or maybe it's walnuts? I didn't. Either way, my mouth has been paying the price for the last two days. Damn those brownies with the pretty pink icing. They drew me in, made me want more, and I woke up itching. I am boycotting nuts. Who is with me?
Okay, anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful week. Read something thought provoking (Try Dust Tracks on a Road by Zora Neale Hurston and keep highlighters near by. I have gone through two already.), listen to good music (Gavin Degraw, Damien Rice, Elliot Smith), eat delicious food until you're full, laugh a lot, hug your friends, enjoy the autumn weather, and find your own place where you can be at peace and rest. I will write in a few days.
These lyrics are for you. I told you I would post them.
"Belief" by Gavin Degraw
Belief
makes things real
makes things feel
feel alright.
Belief
makes things true
things like you
you and I.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth,
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Belief
builds from scratch
doesn't need to relax,
it doesn't need space.
Long live the queen and I'll be the king
in the collar of grace.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Belief
I'm going to yell it from the rooftops.
I'll wear a sign on my chest,
that's the least I can do.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
Tonight, you arrested my mind
when you came to my defense
with a knife
in the shape of your mouth
in the form of your body
with the wrath of a god.
Oh, you stood by me.
And I'll stand by my
belief.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
I wanna do better. I wanna try harder...
This weekend was terrific! I got to see Kim in "Proof" and she was phenomenal. I got to spend time with my family and my roommates. Kris came in and we spent time together after the play. Conversations over coffee are my favorite moments in friendships, and I had many of those moments this weekend. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful, sincere, witty friends. Kris did not leave until almost three o'clock this morning, so I slept late. I feel like such a slacker, because until today, I had done no homework. "The Brand" goes to print on Tuesday morning, and I have only edited one-fifth of the articles. This is not a good thing. I have a huge test in linguistics on Tuesday and I have not touched the review. However, I would rather have to stay up all night playing catch up then to have sat at home all weekend and missed out on all of the fun.
can you carry us
across this ocean
into the arms of forgiveness?
We had family in from Virginia this weekend. It was good to see Tommy and Sylvia, and I always love hearing their accents. I will be going to see them soon, so that is exciting! Tommy lives on the Chesapeake Bay which will be wonderful for writing-- it is serene and beautiful. It's really too bad Abilene is not more picturesque. We had a wonderful lunch at my grandmother's house today and then I headed up to the library for the rest of the afternoon. For dinner, I ate at my grandmother's house again and had her tortilla soup. I ate better today than I have in a long time-- good home-cooked meals. The library was uneventful, as always. The highlights were talking to my friend Nancy that works there and seeing Rachel. She came in and we talked for about an hour. We will both use any excuse to not do work. I have a million projects going on right now and I hate that feeling, because even though you are working on all of them a little bit, since you are not completing any of them it feels like you are making no progress. Well, onwards and upwards. Tonight it is just homework, editing, Pilates, reading in the bathtub, and bed. I look forward to the latter most of all.
I have been listening to Over the Rhine quite a bit recently. Here are lyrics to one song I have listened to repeatedly this afternoon:
"Long Lost Brother"
I thought that we'd be
further along by now.
I can't remember how
we stumbled to this place.
I loved you like a long lost brother.
On a bad day maybe I thought, "why bother"?
I've seldom seen so much anger
in a face.
I wanna do better.
I wanna try harder.
I wanna believe
down to the letter.
Jesus and Mary
can you carry us
across this ocean
into the arms of forgiveness?
I don't mean to laugh outloud.
I'm trying to come clean,
trying to shed my doubt.
Maybe I should just keep
my big mouth shut.
More often than not
when it comes to you,
you want whatever's not in front of you.
Deep down I know this includes me too.
I wanna do better.
I wanna try harder.
I wanna believe
down to the letter.
Jesus and Mary
can you carry us
across this ocean
into the arms of forgiveness?
So tell me your troubles,
let your pain rain down.
I know my job, I've been around.
I invest in the mess.
I'm a low cost dumping ground.
Trouble is I'm so exhausted.
The plot, you see, I think I've lost it.
I need the grace to find what can't be found.
I wanna do better.
I wanna try harder.
I wanna believe
down to the letter.
can you carry us
across this ocean
into the arms of forgiveness?
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical...
I want to start this entry off by saying: Hey, hey Jason. Where the hip hop at?!
Okay, now that I have said that, on to other things. Today was great! I didn't go to my nine o'clock. Sleep seemed more important. We never do anything in reading, and I am sitting pretty with my grade in that class right now, so why not? Danielle and I had Chinese for lunch, which was a very good choice. Little Panda....mmm. We spent the afternoon at my parents house baking. We wanted to make brownies for Kim's good show gift. We pulled in a little "Sex in the City" reference by saying we loved her on a brownie. Miranda's doctor-boyfriend said" I love you" for the first time in icing on a gigantic cookie, so that's just what we did. We wrote, "We love you!" on a gigantic brownie in bright pink icing. She loved it. Mission accomplished.
Tonight after the play we ate way too much pizza and talked politics. Sad, isn't it? A bunch of twenty-somethings sitting around at a Pizza Hut at 11pm talking about economic policies-- Kerry vs. Bush. Somehow, we all still had a blast, even though I don't usually like to mix my loves (food) with events that cause stress or arguments (elections).
I want to go to sleep, but when I lay down my mind wanders through pages of books I have been reading-- little snippets of text that are highlighted in my mind. This is one of the passages I can't get out of my head. It's from Sylvia Plath's journal:
"It is a feeling that no matter what the ideas or conduct of others, there is a unique rightness and beauty to life which can be shared in openness, in wind and sunlight, with a fellow human being who believes in the same basic principles."
I am beginning to believe that Sylvia haunts me at night, daring me to be more...more. In bed I think of her words... I see her image on the cover of her works and she feels familiar to me; her heart, her mind-- through her writing. Sylvia's writing places a great deal of emphasis on human relationships. As she wrote above, there is a beauty in finding someone who you can be open with. She also talks about the idea of sensuality quite a bit; the importance of touch, the feeling of someones hand lightly grazing yours-- be it a stranger or a lover. The concept of touch has me thinking tonight, as I sit here in my pajamas. As humans do we all yearn, do we all ache for physicality? Studies have shown that without human touch, babies cannot live. This reminds me of a passage from "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. He talks about touch and how we desire it so much when we are young; we will die without it, we crave it so deeply--it is a necessity. Morrie says that desire does not end, but we live in a society that believes our need for touch ends when we are children. In reality, adults desire touch as much as we did when we were young. My question is: Does that desire decrease when you know it can be met immediately? Does it grow stronger, more passionate, when there is no one around?
Another passage from her journal that I cannot get out of my mind is this:
"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited."
I want to live and feel everything, but I (like most everyone) feel limited. Maybe we limit ourselves. I am thinking of ways in which I limit myself every day; laziness, fear of rejection, inability to speak my mind when it matters, able to speak my mind when it doesn't. There are so many things I want to do. It's like when you are a kid and the world is laid out before you. One day you want to be a doctor, the next day an astronaut, the next day a firefighter. I still feel that way. I want to be a writer; I want to be a high school teacher; I want to be a photographer; I want to be an editor; I want to be a professor; I want to be a mother; I want to be a wife; I want to be single; I want to live in France; I want to live in Texas; I want to learn how to make pottery; I want to learn how to garden; I want to learn how to cook; I want to learn how to do my taxes; I want to learn a foreign language; I want to learn how to quilt; I want to learn how to make furniture; I want to learn how to play the piano or the violin. Everyone's desires are scattered, and we will never conquer all the things we wish to. But, I do wish I could achieve all of these goals, because with the broadening of horizons we have a renewed and deeper understanding of life. I want to see life from all angles. I want to write about life from all angles. I want to experience everything: every emotion, every climate, every sense. Plath is right-- we are horribly limited. That's why we need to get out there and live!
I will close with one of my favorite quotes from Plath; she writes:
"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
I think it totally works with the aforementioned quote about being limited. As people say, there are two sides to every coin. Typically those sides cannot work together; there is no compromising. Black and white, never gray. If wanting both sides of the coin at the same time makes you "neurotic", then yes... I am "neurotic as hell", but then again-- aren't most people at this age?
Okay, now that I have said that, on to other things. Today was great! I didn't go to my nine o'clock. Sleep seemed more important. We never do anything in reading, and I am sitting pretty with my grade in that class right now, so why not? Danielle and I had Chinese for lunch, which was a very good choice. Little Panda....mmm. We spent the afternoon at my parents house baking. We wanted to make brownies for Kim's good show gift. We pulled in a little "Sex in the City" reference by saying we loved her on a brownie. Miranda's doctor-boyfriend said" I love you" for the first time in icing on a gigantic cookie, so that's just what we did. We wrote, "We love you!" on a gigantic brownie in bright pink icing. She loved it. Mission accomplished.
Tonight after the play we ate way too much pizza and talked politics. Sad, isn't it? A bunch of twenty-somethings sitting around at a Pizza Hut at 11pm talking about economic policies-- Kerry vs. Bush. Somehow, we all still had a blast, even though I don't usually like to mix my loves (food) with events that cause stress or arguments (elections).
I want to go to sleep, but when I lay down my mind wanders through pages of books I have been reading-- little snippets of text that are highlighted in my mind. This is one of the passages I can't get out of my head. It's from Sylvia Plath's journal:
"It is a feeling that no matter what the ideas or conduct of others, there is a unique rightness and beauty to life which can be shared in openness, in wind and sunlight, with a fellow human being who believes in the same basic principles."
I am beginning to believe that Sylvia haunts me at night, daring me to be more...more. In bed I think of her words... I see her image on the cover of her works and she feels familiar to me; her heart, her mind-- through her writing. Sylvia's writing places a great deal of emphasis on human relationships. As she wrote above, there is a beauty in finding someone who you can be open with. She also talks about the idea of sensuality quite a bit; the importance of touch, the feeling of someones hand lightly grazing yours-- be it a stranger or a lover. The concept of touch has me thinking tonight, as I sit here in my pajamas. As humans do we all yearn, do we all ache for physicality? Studies have shown that without human touch, babies cannot live. This reminds me of a passage from "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. He talks about touch and how we desire it so much when we are young; we will die without it, we crave it so deeply--it is a necessity. Morrie says that desire does not end, but we live in a society that believes our need for touch ends when we are children. In reality, adults desire touch as much as we did when we were young. My question is: Does that desire decrease when you know it can be met immediately? Does it grow stronger, more passionate, when there is no one around?
Another passage from her journal that I cannot get out of my mind is this:
"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited."
I want to live and feel everything, but I (like most everyone) feel limited. Maybe we limit ourselves. I am thinking of ways in which I limit myself every day; laziness, fear of rejection, inability to speak my mind when it matters, able to speak my mind when it doesn't. There are so many things I want to do. It's like when you are a kid and the world is laid out before you. One day you want to be a doctor, the next day an astronaut, the next day a firefighter. I still feel that way. I want to be a writer; I want to be a high school teacher; I want to be a photographer; I want to be an editor; I want to be a professor; I want to be a mother; I want to be a wife; I want to be single; I want to live in France; I want to live in Texas; I want to learn how to make pottery; I want to learn how to garden; I want to learn how to cook; I want to learn how to do my taxes; I want to learn a foreign language; I want to learn how to quilt; I want to learn how to make furniture; I want to learn how to play the piano or the violin. Everyone's desires are scattered, and we will never conquer all the things we wish to. But, I do wish I could achieve all of these goals, because with the broadening of horizons we have a renewed and deeper understanding of life. I want to see life from all angles. I want to write about life from all angles. I want to experience everything: every emotion, every climate, every sense. Plath is right-- we are horribly limited. That's why we need to get out there and live!
I will close with one of my favorite quotes from Plath; she writes:
"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
I think it totally works with the aforementioned quote about being limited. As people say, there are two sides to every coin. Typically those sides cannot work together; there is no compromising. Black and white, never gray. If wanting both sides of the coin at the same time makes you "neurotic", then yes... I am "neurotic as hell", but then again-- aren't most people at this age?
Thursday, October 07, 2004
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind...
Today has been crazy. It has been up and down and bittersweet and frantic and hilarious and nostalgic and all over the map. First off, every time I see Chase, his parting words are "Take Chances." I feel like I took a chance this afternoon. I put myself out there. I let go of my pride and fear. I e-mailed Chris. The last time we spoke was July 3rd, and we promised to keep in touch. It has been over three months of complete silence. I know that sometimes silence is needed, but to me it is always important to let the person know that you are still out there, still caring, still hoping that things will improve. I e-mailed him letting him know just that. That I still care and that I am interested in how he is doing and that I understand why we have needed this space and time and silence, but that I am here, ready and willing, if he ever wants to reinstate communication between us. I am trying to change the part of myself that could have gone forever without talking to him. The part of me that wanted him to contact me first. The petty and selfish thoughts that have always caused me to form barriers in relationships. I always want to be able to put myself on the line for someone I love, someone I loved. Today Danielle and I were watching "Dawson's Creek" and Pacey told Dawson, "I'm doing this because once upon a time you and I were best friends, and that means that whenever you need me I'm here. Anytime, anywhere, any place...forever." This is how I feel about people that I have loved and shared intimate moments with-- laughing until we cried or tears that turn into laughter, whether they are my best friends today or in the seventh grade; if they need me, I want to be the kind of person that will be there. I feel a certain peace in e-mailing him. In letting him know that I am thinking about him. He was a huge part of my life for years, and as Caedmon's Call says, "...You can't just turn it off and put a blindfold on your heart." I still care for him. I am sure I always will.
I realized this morning, as I got up and prepared for my day, that this Thursday a year ago (October 9th) I got up early and gathered my backpack and camcorder so I could sit in chapel and film the speakers--my good friends, Angela and Eric Peets. It seems impossible that it has been a year, because I remember every detail from that day and the Friday night (tomorrow a year ago) that followed. I remember taking Angela out to eat to celebrate her belated birthday--it was September 20th. We went to Enriques. She had cheese enchiladas with (emphasis on) no onions. I remember exactly what we talked about. I remember the blue bandana she wore on her head. I remember laughing about a previous trip to Enrique's and their cream-of-chicken-soup-tasting queso. I remember picking her up. I remember her bringing Abby to my apartment. I remember watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Kim spilling salsa on the carpet. I remember her asking how much rent was because she and Eric were interested in our apartment complex for when they moved back. All of these memories are bittersweet to me. I cherish my time with Angela so very much. I also miss Angela so very much. I honestly cannot believe it has been a year, but then again, sometimes it feels like it's been years since I was able to see her and laugh with her. It is strange; my memories are so clear. It seems like they should have faded. October already. Christmas time will be hard. I think about Eric. I wonder if I can do anything for him. You may be asking, why don't I just ask him? It is difficult. I know I should; I truly care about him and I often wonder how he is.
Now to the hilarious part of my day. Danielle and I went to see Kim in "Proof" tonight. The play was awesome, and Kim was incredible-- along with the rest of the cast. After the play, Danielle wanted to pick up a pizza from Domino's on S. Clack. First off, we couldn't find it and had to stop at a ghetto convenience store where she made me ask the two clerks, who were standing outside chain smoking, if they knew where it was. They told us it was in the same parking lot as the Rockin' Rodeo-- only in Abilene. We pull up outside the Domino's, after passing a drunk and stumbling man in the parking lot, and the open sign was turned off. Come to find out, they are open until 1am, but carry-out ends at 10pm. We get back in the car and I assume that we are going home and that they will deliver it to the apartment. Danielle gets her cell phone out, calls the number on the window of the Domino's and says:
"Umm... what's your smallest sized pizza? Oh, a medium? Okay, I want a medium pizza with pineapple and Canadian bacon and a small order of breadsticks. Well, all I have is my cell phone-- so it's 904-588-4741. Well, do you have to deliver it to my house? I'm in your parking lot, so can you just bring it out to me. I know you only do carry-out after 10, so can you just deliver to my car?"
Meanwhile, twenty minutes pass and we see the ladies inside the Domino's pointing to Danielle's car, and we are like "Yeah, that's right! Give us our pizza!" If we had had foresight, we think it would have been hilarious if, when they had asked for our address for delivery, we had said, "1806 S. Clack". Then they would have said, "No, that's our address." And we would have said, "Yes. We know. Tan Malibu. Florida plates." It would have been so priceless that we have decided to go back next week and do the same thing. So, by now it's 11pm and we are sitting and waiting on the pizza. This lady brings it out to the car, we roll down the window and she says, "$11.89". Danielle gives her $12, and as the lady fumbles around in her pocket, Danielle says, "Oh, don't worry about the change. " We roll the window back up, and the lady takes her keys out and gets into the pickup truck parked beside us. I make some joke about skimping her on the tip and Danielle says, "I feel bad...well, not really." And I say, "Well, you shouldn't feel bad. That was an eleven cent pit stop. She was coming out to her truck anyway. All she had to do was throw the pizzas in the window of the car beside her and she was off. At least she made eleven cents."
All in all, this was a really good day and tomorrow is Friday, so it can only get better.
I realized this morning, as I got up and prepared for my day, that this Thursday a year ago (October 9th) I got up early and gathered my backpack and camcorder so I could sit in chapel and film the speakers--my good friends, Angela and Eric Peets. It seems impossible that it has been a year, because I remember every detail from that day and the Friday night (tomorrow a year ago) that followed. I remember taking Angela out to eat to celebrate her belated birthday--it was September 20th. We went to Enriques. She had cheese enchiladas with (emphasis on) no onions. I remember exactly what we talked about. I remember the blue bandana she wore on her head. I remember laughing about a previous trip to Enrique's and their cream-of-chicken-soup-tasting queso. I remember picking her up. I remember her bringing Abby to my apartment. I remember watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Kim spilling salsa on the carpet. I remember her asking how much rent was because she and Eric were interested in our apartment complex for when they moved back. All of these memories are bittersweet to me. I cherish my time with Angela so very much. I also miss Angela so very much. I honestly cannot believe it has been a year, but then again, sometimes it feels like it's been years since I was able to see her and laugh with her. It is strange; my memories are so clear. It seems like they should have faded. October already. Christmas time will be hard. I think about Eric. I wonder if I can do anything for him. You may be asking, why don't I just ask him? It is difficult. I know I should; I truly care about him and I often wonder how he is.
Now to the hilarious part of my day. Danielle and I went to see Kim in "Proof" tonight. The play was awesome, and Kim was incredible-- along with the rest of the cast. After the play, Danielle wanted to pick up a pizza from Domino's on S. Clack. First off, we couldn't find it and had to stop at a ghetto convenience store where she made me ask the two clerks, who were standing outside chain smoking, if they knew where it was. They told us it was in the same parking lot as the Rockin' Rodeo-- only in Abilene. We pull up outside the Domino's, after passing a drunk and stumbling man in the parking lot, and the open sign was turned off. Come to find out, they are open until 1am, but carry-out ends at 10pm. We get back in the car and I assume that we are going home and that they will deliver it to the apartment. Danielle gets her cell phone out, calls the number on the window of the Domino's and says:
"Umm... what's your smallest sized pizza? Oh, a medium? Okay, I want a medium pizza with pineapple and Canadian bacon and a small order of breadsticks. Well, all I have is my cell phone-- so it's 904-588-4741. Well, do you have to deliver it to my house? I'm in your parking lot, so can you just bring it out to me. I know you only do carry-out after 10, so can you just deliver to my car?"
Meanwhile, twenty minutes pass and we see the ladies inside the Domino's pointing to Danielle's car, and we are like "Yeah, that's right! Give us our pizza!" If we had had foresight, we think it would have been hilarious if, when they had asked for our address for delivery, we had said, "1806 S. Clack". Then they would have said, "No, that's our address." And we would have said, "Yes. We know. Tan Malibu. Florida plates." It would have been so priceless that we have decided to go back next week and do the same thing. So, by now it's 11pm and we are sitting and waiting on the pizza. This lady brings it out to the car, we roll down the window and she says, "$11.89". Danielle gives her $12, and as the lady fumbles around in her pocket, Danielle says, "Oh, don't worry about the change. " We roll the window back up, and the lady takes her keys out and gets into the pickup truck parked beside us. I make some joke about skimping her on the tip and Danielle says, "I feel bad...well, not really." And I say, "Well, you shouldn't feel bad. That was an eleven cent pit stop. She was coming out to her truck anyway. All she had to do was throw the pizzas in the window of the car beside her and she was off. At least she made eleven cents."
All in all, this was a really good day and tomorrow is Friday, so it can only get better.
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
If given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window...
Today was a good day. I woke up to the sound of constant, heavy rain outside my bedroom window. My room was cold and dark, but thanks to the down comforter I was pretty warm. For some reason, rain causes me to hear Counting Crows in my head...mostly their old stuff, pre-Hard Candy. I got up early to meet Rachel for coffee before our nine o'clock class. Rain always makes me want to sleep all day, so it still amazes me that I was up and out of the house by 7:45am. I talked about rain a few days ago, and mentioned that if I had worn the proper attire I would have walked in the rain. Today I was prepared. A few days ago I had to wade through the water barefoot with my jeans rolled up. Today I wore capri pants and flip flops; I couldn't go wrong. I pulled my hair back, threw on my trusty rain coat, and I was out the door. It was wonderful. The water was cold as my feet landed in puddles. I stood, looking up at the morning sky as rain hit my face, and wondered just how far a certain drop had fallen before it landed on the tip of my nose. If I was good at math I would try to calculate the distance, but I am no good at math.
After class and working for Fink this morning, I went home and took a nap on my parents' couch. There is something about being at home where everything is familiar. I know where we keep the Ovaltine, and I know the faucet in my parents' bathroom is quirky. I love my apartment, and to me it feels "lived in", but I get the best sleep at my parents' house. No one is ever there during the afternoons. It's just me, a quilt, the couch, and the remote. It's my own private get away, where no one calls me and I can be as loud or as silent as I want. I wouldn't trade my private time there for anything in the world.
Tonight, after meeting with the cast of Sing for the official script debut, I went to dinner with Danielle at Chili's. I love being able to sit around and talk to Danielle, and tonight was incredible because it felt like time just slowed down and we could enjoy our meal and our conversation without having somewhere to be by a specific time. We talked about theatre and winter ski trips and relationships and the prospects of Virginia and life in general. It was one of those conversations where we talked about everything and nothing. Those are my favorite talks. After dinner we came home and laid around, just sharing the silence. It's moments like this when I realize how blessed I am to have relationships that are comfortable. I think we have too much anxiety and stress in our lives anyway. We need people around with whom we can just be.
I have been listening to Caedmon's Call all day today, and driving home I heard a song I have listened to a million times, but it just seemed to fit, you know? I thought I would post the lyrics. Maybe it will fit with you too. It's ironic that Derek Webb writes the song based on a conversation with his friend Danny, because that's what we call Danielle...and my roommates and I sat around at 11:30 Monday night, eating the chocolate chip pancakes I made and talking-- moments to remember.
"Table for Two"by Caedmon's Call
Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
talkin' about soccer
and how every man's just the same.
We made speculation
on the who's and the when's of our futures,
and how everyone's lonely
but still we just couldn't complain.
And how we just hate being alone.
Could I have missed my only chance?
And now I'm just wasting my time
by looking around.
But you know I know better,
I'm not gonna worry about nothing.
'Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
then I'll make it okay.
If given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window,
and see which one keeps me up all night and into the day.
Because I'm so scared of being alone,
that I forget what house I live in.
And it's not my job to wait by the phone
for her to call.
Well this day's been crazy,
but everything's happened on schedule.
From the rain and the cold
to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.
'Cause you knew how you'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden.
And you knew this day
long before you made me out of dirt.
And you know the plans that you have for me.
And you can't plan the end and not plan the means.
So I suppose I just need some peace,
just to get me to sleep.
After class and working for Fink this morning, I went home and took a nap on my parents' couch. There is something about being at home where everything is familiar. I know where we keep the Ovaltine, and I know the faucet in my parents' bathroom is quirky. I love my apartment, and to me it feels "lived in", but I get the best sleep at my parents' house. No one is ever there during the afternoons. It's just me, a quilt, the couch, and the remote. It's my own private get away, where no one calls me and I can be as loud or as silent as I want. I wouldn't trade my private time there for anything in the world.
Tonight, after meeting with the cast of Sing for the official script debut, I went to dinner with Danielle at Chili's. I love being able to sit around and talk to Danielle, and tonight was incredible because it felt like time just slowed down and we could enjoy our meal and our conversation without having somewhere to be by a specific time. We talked about theatre and winter ski trips and relationships and the prospects of Virginia and life in general. It was one of those conversations where we talked about everything and nothing. Those are my favorite talks. After dinner we came home and laid around, just sharing the silence. It's moments like this when I realize how blessed I am to have relationships that are comfortable. I think we have too much anxiety and stress in our lives anyway. We need people around with whom we can just be.
I have been listening to Caedmon's Call all day today, and driving home I heard a song I have listened to a million times, but it just seemed to fit, you know? I thought I would post the lyrics. Maybe it will fit with you too. It's ironic that Derek Webb writes the song based on a conversation with his friend Danny, because that's what we call Danielle...and my roommates and I sat around at 11:30 Monday night, eating the chocolate chip pancakes I made and talking-- moments to remember.
"Table for Two"by Caedmon's Call
Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
talkin' about soccer
and how every man's just the same.
We made speculation
on the who's and the when's of our futures,
and how everyone's lonely
but still we just couldn't complain.
And how we just hate being alone.
Could I have missed my only chance?
And now I'm just wasting my time
by looking around.
But you know I know better,
I'm not gonna worry about nothing.
'Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
then I'll make it okay.
If given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window,
and see which one keeps me up all night and into the day.
Because I'm so scared of being alone,
that I forget what house I live in.
And it's not my job to wait by the phone
for her to call.
Well this day's been crazy,
but everything's happened on schedule.
From the rain and the cold
to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.
'Cause you knew how you'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden.
And you knew this day
long before you made me out of dirt.
And you know the plans that you have for me.
And you can't plan the end and not plan the means.
So I suppose I just need some peace,
just to get me to sleep.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Making a difference. Being a goofy goose...
I continue rambling on and on about me and my life, leaving out vital information about a large part of my life. This is Dakota. She is a Miniature Schnauzer. She likes to eat beetles and carpet. She also enjoys Milkbones. She often wears Mr. Potato Head's glasses because she thinks they make her look studious. She likes it when I read poetry to her late at night. She prefers Emily Dickinson. She is bored with T.S. Eliot. She loathes baths because she is self-conscious about looking like a wet rat. She likes to jump in puddles, which is ironic because of her hatred of baths. She often digs in her water bowl for no reason; my roommates and I think there is some sort of mirage she is trying to get to. She is the most lovable when she is sleepy. She has a lot of fur and almost no tail. She tries to eat my friends' hair. She has quite a bit of attitude. I think it's her combination of sass, charm, and strikingly good looks that win people over.
Monday, October 04, 2004
Perhaps the stars are little paper cutups made by some giant scissors...
"The Poet Of Ignorance" by Anne Sexton
Perhaps the earth is floating,
I do not know.
Perhaps the stars are little paper cutups
made by some giant scissors,
I do not know.
Perhaps the moon is a frozen tear,
I do not know.
Perhaps God is only a deep voice
heard by the deaf,
I do not know.
Perhaps I am no one.
True, I have a body
and I cannot escape from it.
I would like to fly out of my head,
but that is out of the question.
It is written on the tablet of destiny
that I am stuck here in this human form.
That being the case
I would like to call attention to my problem.
There is an animal inside me,
clutching fast to my heart,
a huge crab.
The doctors of Boston
have thrown up their hands.
They have tried scalpels,
needles, poison gasses and the like.
The crab remains.
It is a great weight.
I try to forget it, go about my business,
cook the broccoli, open the shut books,
brush my teeth and tie my shoes.
I have tried prayer
but as I pray the crab grips harder
and the pain enlarges.
I had a dream once,
perhaps it was a dream,
that the crab was my ignorance of God.
But who am I to believe in dreams?
Perhaps the earth is floating,
I do not know.
Perhaps the stars are little paper cutups
made by some giant scissors,
I do not know.
Perhaps the moon is a frozen tear,
I do not know.
Perhaps God is only a deep voice
heard by the deaf,
I do not know.
Perhaps I am no one.
True, I have a body
and I cannot escape from it.
I would like to fly out of my head,
but that is out of the question.
It is written on the tablet of destiny
that I am stuck here in this human form.
That being the case
I would like to call attention to my problem.
There is an animal inside me,
clutching fast to my heart,
a huge crab.
The doctors of Boston
have thrown up their hands.
They have tried scalpels,
needles, poison gasses and the like.
The crab remains.
It is a great weight.
I try to forget it, go about my business,
cook the broccoli, open the shut books,
brush my teeth and tie my shoes.
I have tried prayer
but as I pray the crab grips harder
and the pain enlarges.
I had a dream once,
perhaps it was a dream,
that the crab was my ignorance of God.
But who am I to believe in dreams?
I'm gonna drink good wine in vineyards and get asked to dance...
I am sitting here at work, completely soaked, and it's freezing cold in here. I am so thankful for my friend Rachel who drove me out to my car because I would have had to walk half a mile barefoot with my pants rolled up in the pouring rain. I am sure that would have been a sight. I wish that I wasn't at work right now and that I had worn something different, because, as I am watching the dark clouds roll by through the window outside the computer lab door, I really want to go out walking in the rain. I may do that after work. Just roll up my pants, shove my shoes in my back pack and go. I may also catch pneumonia. Maybe I should weigh the options.
Speaking of getting up and going, that's exactly what I want to do. I have the deepest desire to get up early one morning, fill up my car with gas, grab some good music, an overnight bag, my journal, my camera, my cell phone and just-- go. I have nowhere specific in mind. I have no real plan. I don't really care about missing work or school. I just want to get behind the wheel and drive until I get tired of driving, until I run out of thoughts (or gas), until I feel like I have ended up in the right place. Wherever I end up, I will spend the night and the next full day or two or three and then drive back. I want to just go and be and though I think I would want to be alone, it might be nice to have someone I care about there with me, to build memories of the time when we let go of all inhibitions and responsibilities and just went. I am sure I will set out alone on one of the nights where insomnia gets the best of me. I will drive; I will pull over and take photographs; I will sit and write in some small cafe with horrible coffee but a quaint, down home ambiance; I will try new things and meet new people; it will be great! If ever I go missing, know that I am out driving...somewhere. I am thinking of heading north. I am sure I will be back in a few days.
This desire reminds me of a song by Rosie Thomas called "Wedding Day":
So much for love, I guess I've been wrong
but it's all right, 'cause I'm moving on.
I've got my car all packed with cassette tapes
and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes.
I'm gonna drive thru the hills with my hand out
the window and sing till I run out of words.
I'm gonna stop at every truck stop, make small talk with waiters
and truck driving men.
I'm gonna fall asleep in the back seat with no one around but me and my friends.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
Yeah, I've had enough of love, it feels good to give up
some good to be good to myself.
I'm gonna get on the highway with no destination
and plenty of visions in mind.
I'm gonna drive to the ocean, go skinny dipping,
blow kisses to Venus and Mars.
I'm gonna stop at every bar and flirt the cowboys in front their girlfriends.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
So much for love, I guess I've been wrong
but it's all right 'cause I'm moving on.
I'm gonna drive over hills, over mountains, and canyons,
and boys that keep bringing' me down.
I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine, drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance.
I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by, never ever again.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
Speaking of getting up and going, that's exactly what I want to do. I have the deepest desire to get up early one morning, fill up my car with gas, grab some good music, an overnight bag, my journal, my camera, my cell phone and just-- go. I have nowhere specific in mind. I have no real plan. I don't really care about missing work or school. I just want to get behind the wheel and drive until I get tired of driving, until I run out of thoughts (or gas), until I feel like I have ended up in the right place. Wherever I end up, I will spend the night and the next full day or two or three and then drive back. I want to just go and be and though I think I would want to be alone, it might be nice to have someone I care about there with me, to build memories of the time when we let go of all inhibitions and responsibilities and just went. I am sure I will set out alone on one of the nights where insomnia gets the best of me. I will drive; I will pull over and take photographs; I will sit and write in some small cafe with horrible coffee but a quaint, down home ambiance; I will try new things and meet new people; it will be great! If ever I go missing, know that I am out driving...somewhere. I am thinking of heading north. I am sure I will be back in a few days.
This desire reminds me of a song by Rosie Thomas called "Wedding Day":
So much for love, I guess I've been wrong
but it's all right, 'cause I'm moving on.
I've got my car all packed with cassette tapes
and sweaters and loose change and cheap cigarettes.
I'm gonna drive thru the hills with my hand out
the window and sing till I run out of words.
I'm gonna stop at every truck stop, make small talk with waiters
and truck driving men.
I'm gonna fall asleep in the back seat with no one around but me and my friends.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
Yeah, I've had enough of love, it feels good to give up
some good to be good to myself.
I'm gonna get on the highway with no destination
and plenty of visions in mind.
I'm gonna drive to the ocean, go skinny dipping,
blow kisses to Venus and Mars.
I'm gonna stop at every bar and flirt the cowboys in front their girlfriends.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
So much for love, I guess I've been wrong
but it's all right 'cause I'm moving on.
I'm gonna drive over hills, over mountains, and canyons,
and boys that keep bringing' me down.
I'm gonna drive under skyline and sunshine, drink good wine in vineyards
and get asked to dance.
I'm gonna be carefree and let nothing pass me by, never ever again.
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be so grand
It's gonna be just like my wedding day.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...
It's 4:30pm on a Sunday and where am I? Sitting in the library, of course. I have given up for the day on having any original thoughts to add to my autobiography project, so I thought I might at well write something.
I woke up this morning with one thought lodged in my mind. Kind of an obscure idea, but for some reason, I thought I would share. Did you know that even if you have bad vision, when you go scuba diving the instructors will tell you not to bother with prescription goggles or contacts. Interesting, isn' it? I have been told that even if you can't make it around the house without putting your contacts in or your glasses on, there is no need for them while diving. When you are underwater everything is clear. The water is not murky. The fish are not blurry. You can make out the ridges of the coral without corrective lenses. At four o'clock this morning, I sat up in bed and had this completely strange and nonsensical idea: Maybe if I went scuba diving into the deepest depths of the ocean, things would become so clear that, like when looking through goggles with the worst vision and things stand out perfectly, I could look into a mirror at myself, full of confusion, and I would suddenly make sense. All of my thoughts, though murky, would become clear. Nothing would be blurry. Everything would be black and white, not gray. Hmm...no one will probably understand what I am trying to convey. I have done a poor job of getting this idea across. I am just intrigued by the idea that when under water, we are no longer constrained by the physical disability of poor sight, and we can actually see things for what they really are. Maybe we should build a 200 foot concrete wall around the United States, fill the whole thing with water, give everyone scuba gear, and maybe we would begin to truly see each other. Maybe things would make more sense. Probably not.
Well, nothing else to say right now. With the weather like it is, I really just want to curl up in baggy pajamas with a good movie. I really want to take a long nap. I really want to make chocolate chip pancakes and have a pillow fight. Well, the last thing was just a random thought, but it could be fun with the right people...if they didn't hit too hard. I am kind of a wuss.
I woke up this morning with one thought lodged in my mind. Kind of an obscure idea, but for some reason, I thought I would share. Did you know that even if you have bad vision, when you go scuba diving the instructors will tell you not to bother with prescription goggles or contacts. Interesting, isn' it? I have been told that even if you can't make it around the house without putting your contacts in or your glasses on, there is no need for them while diving. When you are underwater everything is clear. The water is not murky. The fish are not blurry. You can make out the ridges of the coral without corrective lenses. At four o'clock this morning, I sat up in bed and had this completely strange and nonsensical idea: Maybe if I went scuba diving into the deepest depths of the ocean, things would become so clear that, like when looking through goggles with the worst vision and things stand out perfectly, I could look into a mirror at myself, full of confusion, and I would suddenly make sense. All of my thoughts, though murky, would become clear. Nothing would be blurry. Everything would be black and white, not gray. Hmm...no one will probably understand what I am trying to convey. I have done a poor job of getting this idea across. I am just intrigued by the idea that when under water, we are no longer constrained by the physical disability of poor sight, and we can actually see things for what they really are. Maybe we should build a 200 foot concrete wall around the United States, fill the whole thing with water, give everyone scuba gear, and maybe we would begin to truly see each other. Maybe things would make more sense. Probably not.
Well, nothing else to say right now. With the weather like it is, I really just want to curl up in baggy pajamas with a good movie. I really want to take a long nap. I really want to make chocolate chip pancakes and have a pillow fight. Well, the last thing was just a random thought, but it could be fun with the right people...if they didn't hit too hard. I am kind of a wuss.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
If I love you is that a fact or a weapon?
"We Are Hard" by Margaret Atwood
i
We are hard on each other
and call it honesty,
choosing our jagged truths
with care and aiming them across
the neutral table.
The things we say are
true; it is our crooked
aim, our choices
turn them criminal.
ii
Of course your lies
are more amusing:
you make them new each time.
Your truths, painful and boring
repeat themselves over & over
perhaps because you own
so few of them
iii
A truth should exist,
it should not be used
like this. If I love you
is that a fact or a weapon?
iv
Does the body lie
moving like this, are these
touches, hairs, wet
soft marble my tongue runs over
lies you are telling me?
Your body is not a word,
it does not lie or
speak truth either.
It is only
here or not here.
i
We are hard on each other
and call it honesty,
choosing our jagged truths
with care and aiming them across
the neutral table.
The things we say are
true; it is our crooked
aim, our choices
turn them criminal.
ii
Of course your lies
are more amusing:
you make them new each time.
Your truths, painful and boring
repeat themselves over & over
perhaps because you own
so few of them
iii
A truth should exist,
it should not be used
like this. If I love you
is that a fact or a weapon?
iv
Does the body lie
moving like this, are these
touches, hairs, wet
soft marble my tongue runs over
lies you are telling me?
Your body is not a word,
it does not lie or
speak truth either.
It is only
here or not here.
To look life in the face, always to look life in the face...
"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" did not disappoint. It was just as fabulous as I remembered, and upon second viewing I found portions of the movie much more poignant. There are certain moments, specific lines, that cut to my core...open my eyes...make me understand the human condition, the human heart. Oscar Wilde once wrote, "Life imitates art far more than art imitates life." In the case of this film, I would say art imitates life so finely, so intelligently.
Watching the move last night made me think about two completely disjointed ideas. I will attempt to explain them the best I can. They may make no sense.
1. What if deja vu is really erased memories? Now, when I was watching the movie last night, I tried to put myself in a world where the process of erasing memories is a possibility. Or, really...what if, in our world, erasing memories is a possibility, but we don't recall erasing them because we have gotten rid of all evidence, and letters have been sent to those close to us, telling them not to mention the details of our past, erased, memories? This is where the concept of deja vu comes in. I will create a scene where you can see how this would go into effect. Okay, so say I erased a relationship I had that ended messily and left me a total wreck. I went in, had the procedure done, got rid of any little trinkets left behind, and everyone in my life had been made aware of this erasure. One night I am sitting in the library studying and I notice someone sitting at a table across the room. We catch each other staring. We meet. We hit it off. A few months later we are dating and holding hands, sitting at Sonic ordering when suddenly, it all feels familiar. The drink orders, the music, the positioning of the hands. Deja vu, right? What if it wasn't? What if you had been in that exact situation before with the same person but in looking back at it after the break-up it had caused you so much pain you had had it erased? What if deja vu is really moments we have already experienced, but we have consciously (or maybe even subconsciously) erased. Far-fetched, yes...but an interesting idea I think. I also find that I have deja vu with the same people. Coincidence? You think about it.
2- Would we still find and love the same people? In the movie, true love transcends all obstacles, perseveres through all trials. Even though Clementine had erased Joel, she felt incomplete without him. Even though she didn't remember ever being with him, it seemed like there was a void in her heart after the procedure that only Joel could fill. The same thing happens to Joel. He realizes, during the process, that he doesn't want to wipe his memories of her out because they were so precious to him. Even with the process complete, he is still searching for her, though he doesn't even know who she is. The second example is of Mary and Dr. Howard Mierzwiak. They had had a relationship and she needed to have it erased from her memory because of the dire consequences for both he and his family, and her. The process was completed, but she still fell into the same patterns. Like in my example of deja vu above, the ex-couple met back up again, despite forgetting their previous relationship, and fell in love. I guess, to sum up this rambling, my question is: Even if there are barriers, and I can't imagine a greater barrier than blocking someone out completely, would we still find the same people to love and have love us? What if there is a magnet of the heart, I suppose? Something that would keep drawing us back and keep drawing us back despite the history or consequences, because this person's love is a necessity. As Barbra Streisand sings in "The Way We Were":
Watching the move last night made me think about two completely disjointed ideas. I will attempt to explain them the best I can. They may make no sense.
1. What if deja vu is really erased memories? Now, when I was watching the movie last night, I tried to put myself in a world where the process of erasing memories is a possibility. Or, really...what if, in our world, erasing memories is a possibility, but we don't recall erasing them because we have gotten rid of all evidence, and letters have been sent to those close to us, telling them not to mention the details of our past, erased, memories? This is where the concept of deja vu comes in. I will create a scene where you can see how this would go into effect. Okay, so say I erased a relationship I had that ended messily and left me a total wreck. I went in, had the procedure done, got rid of any little trinkets left behind, and everyone in my life had been made aware of this erasure. One night I am sitting in the library studying and I notice someone sitting at a table across the room. We catch each other staring. We meet. We hit it off. A few months later we are dating and holding hands, sitting at Sonic ordering when suddenly, it all feels familiar. The drink orders, the music, the positioning of the hands. Deja vu, right? What if it wasn't? What if you had been in that exact situation before with the same person but in looking back at it after the break-up it had caused you so much pain you had had it erased? What if deja vu is really moments we have already experienced, but we have consciously (or maybe even subconsciously) erased. Far-fetched, yes...but an interesting idea I think. I also find that I have deja vu with the same people. Coincidence? You think about it.
2- Would we still find and love the same people? In the movie, true love transcends all obstacles, perseveres through all trials. Even though Clementine had erased Joel, she felt incomplete without him. Even though she didn't remember ever being with him, it seemed like there was a void in her heart after the procedure that only Joel could fill. The same thing happens to Joel. He realizes, during the process, that he doesn't want to wipe his memories of her out because they were so precious to him. Even with the process complete, he is still searching for her, though he doesn't even know who she is. The second example is of Mary and Dr. Howard Mierzwiak. They had had a relationship and she needed to have it erased from her memory because of the dire consequences for both he and his family, and her. The process was completed, but she still fell into the same patterns. Like in my example of deja vu above, the ex-couple met back up again, despite forgetting their previous relationship, and fell in love. I guess, to sum up this rambling, my question is: Even if there are barriers, and I can't imagine a greater barrier than blocking someone out completely, would we still find the same people to love and have love us? What if there is a magnet of the heart, I suppose? Something that would keep drawing us back and keep drawing us back despite the history or consequences, because this person's love is a necessity. As Barbra Streisand sings in "The Way We Were":
Can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again,
tell me would we, could we?
I think maybe we are destined to make the same mistakes, so to Barbra I would say "yes". I really think
there is something more than our minds at work, drawing us to certain people; I think it is our hearts.
Our hearts discern familiarity in each other. This is how it is possible to feel at home with people
you may have only known for a few hours. This is how peace comes in moments shared with friends. There is a
magnet of the heart that can't be ignored. I think, if my memory was erased, I would have still found the
ones my heart can't ignore. I truly believe this.
My favorite lines from "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind":
Clementine: This is it Joel, it's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
(I don't know why, but these lines really get to me. They know that in just a few minutes they will no longer
remember each other or have these truly wonderful memories of their love, but instead of trying to hold on
to them for dear life, they just go with it and enjoy their last moments together.)
Clementine: Can I borrow a piece of your chicken?
Joel: And then you just took it, without even waiting for an answer. It was so intimate.
(I love this scene as well, because I guess it's something I long for. That closeness. That intimacy. It is a truly
simple, touching, beautiful moment in the movie.)
Friday, October 01, 2004
And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches...
Leave it to me to jinx the weather. I have been talking about how great and cool the weather is, and today it was hot again; come on Texas! I had to get semi-professional looking this morning at 7am to teach an 8am freshman English class. Semi-professional aka nice (sweltering) pants and a button-down (thought I would faint) shirt. Even if I wore an expensive suit, put on my glasses, and...possibly even had spoken in a British accent, they still wouldn't have taken me seriously. Fortunately for me, the essay Dr. Fink had the class read was both entertaining and kind of pop-cultureish, which I love. We laughed, we had class discussion, and I had a blast, even though it was eight o'clock. I cannot wait to actually begin teaching, because it is truly a high for me to get to share my passion for not only literature and art (in various forms), but people as well.
I am so thankful for my relationship with my mother and the wisdom she is always willing to bring to the table. Today we had lunch at Bogie's and I love how we can sit and talk and laugh at each other, more like friends who respect each other's ideas; that is invaluable to me. She has always encouraged me to be a free thinker: open-minded, strong-willed, and able to form opinions on my own. One way she went about this was to start talking to me like I was an adult when I was a very small child. She always let me choose what I wanted to wear (Sometimes it was frightening! The button-covers Danielle!), she never talked down to me, she always spoke at an adult level. When my youngest brother was born, I did not understand why she didn't want us to talk to him like a baby, because I wanted to do everything for him and carry him around, etc. As I have watched him grow up, all I can do is laugh because he is his own little man, complete with opinions on everything (most of which he can back up with facts) and a vocabulary that is kind of unreal for a nine year old. Back to my mother-- over the past few weeks I have really taken notice of how she loves me. Not how much she loves me, but how she loves me. When I was younger I used to think she was unsympathetic, but now I understand that she has been preparing me for the real world, showing me how to care for myself. This is one of the many ways she shows me, and my brothers, her love.
This afternoon I had a wonderful two hour coffee session with my friend Cara. We had not talked in a while, so it was nice to see her. We both had fruit smoothies at Java City, and I most certainly recommend them to you-- muy bueno! Java City should really look into the condition of their booths though, because on two separate occasions Cara and I could have easily lost legs or at least a thumb or something to the crazy topsy-turvy booth. We would have sued. I would have moved to Paris on my monthly checks. Maybe I would have gotten a motorcycle. Maybe I could have gotten a fancy umbrella in case it rained during my daily stroll through the gardens by Notre Dame. I am craving a chocolate crepe and a glass of Chablis. Hmm... maybe I should go back and put my life in the hands of the booth bench again and see what I come away with. Maybe I would be a seven-figure check richer and a thumb shorter. I mean, what's a thumb? Well, I would rather it be my pinky I think. Either way, I could definitely use a flat in Paris with imported Pottery Barn, and lots of Chablis chilling on my fabulous dining room table right about now.
Well, I have some friends coming over soon, and I don't want to be sans shower when they arrive. Reason for not having had shower yet: I was hoping to ride the 10 K route today, but I think I will do that tomorrow afternoon. Well, today has been good-- really good. I will leave you with lyrics to an Over the Rhine song that is playing right now. Over and out.
Latter Days
What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.
I am so thankful for my relationship with my mother and the wisdom she is always willing to bring to the table. Today we had lunch at Bogie's and I love how we can sit and talk and laugh at each other, more like friends who respect each other's ideas; that is invaluable to me. She has always encouraged me to be a free thinker: open-minded, strong-willed, and able to form opinions on my own. One way she went about this was to start talking to me like I was an adult when I was a very small child. She always let me choose what I wanted to wear (Sometimes it was frightening! The button-covers Danielle!), she never talked down to me, she always spoke at an adult level. When my youngest brother was born, I did not understand why she didn't want us to talk to him like a baby, because I wanted to do everything for him and carry him around, etc. As I have watched him grow up, all I can do is laugh because he is his own little man, complete with opinions on everything (most of which he can back up with facts) and a vocabulary that is kind of unreal for a nine year old. Back to my mother-- over the past few weeks I have really taken notice of how she loves me. Not how much she loves me, but how she loves me. When I was younger I used to think she was unsympathetic, but now I understand that she has been preparing me for the real world, showing me how to care for myself. This is one of the many ways she shows me, and my brothers, her love.
This afternoon I had a wonderful two hour coffee session with my friend Cara. We had not talked in a while, so it was nice to see her. We both had fruit smoothies at Java City, and I most certainly recommend them to you-- muy bueno! Java City should really look into the condition of their booths though, because on two separate occasions Cara and I could have easily lost legs or at least a thumb or something to the crazy topsy-turvy booth. We would have sued. I would have moved to Paris on my monthly checks. Maybe I would have gotten a motorcycle. Maybe I could have gotten a fancy umbrella in case it rained during my daily stroll through the gardens by Notre Dame. I am craving a chocolate crepe and a glass of Chablis. Hmm... maybe I should go back and put my life in the hands of the booth bench again and see what I come away with. Maybe I would be a seven-figure check richer and a thumb shorter. I mean, what's a thumb? Well, I would rather it be my pinky I think. Either way, I could definitely use a flat in Paris with imported Pottery Barn, and lots of Chablis chilling on my fabulous dining room table right about now.
Well, I have some friends coming over soon, and I don't want to be sans shower when they arrive. Reason for not having had shower yet: I was hoping to ride the 10 K route today, but I think I will do that tomorrow afternoon. Well, today has been good-- really good. I will leave you with lyrics to an Over the Rhine song that is playing right now. Over and out.
Latter Days
What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.
Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy.
And I use these words pretty loosely.
There's so much more to life than words.
There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.
Nothin' like sleepin' on a bed of nails. Nothin' much here but our broken dreams.
Ah, but baby if all else fails, nothin' is ever quite what it seems.
And I'm dyin' inside to leave you with more than just cliches.
There is a me you would not recognize, dear. Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there dance without me. You dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be o.k. They've taken their toll these latter days.
But tell them it's real. Tell them it's really real.
I just don't have much left to say.
They've taken their toll these latter days.
They've taken their toll these latter days.
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