And the disappearing shall reappear...

in dreams.

Before I get into the blog I want to mention dreams. For the past two weeks I have been having dreams with people I know and love in them, and we are not doing anything spectacular; we are usually just having coffee or watching TV or laying around talking. Two nights ago I had one with Chris that felt so, so real. I woke up, and though I have emailed him in hopes of resolving things, nothing has been resolved. I guess I just need to find closure within myself, so that's what I am currently working on, but isn't it crazy that in our dreams we can meet up with people that are gone or that you no longer speak to and they are just as real as they were when you last spoke or went out for coffee? I had one a while back with Angela, and we were just out talking. I woke up disappointed because she is no longer here, but also happy that I could see her and talk to her, even if it was in my imagination. This morning I woke up, after having a dream with a friend that I have not talked to in a couple weeks, and I was actually mid sentence. She said, "I'm cold." And I said, "Wait a second and I will turn off...", and I woke up saying "the fan" and looking for her. Random, right? Dreams are crazy. I feel like your subconscious brings up issues that are unresolved, and in your dreams you can attempt to resolve them. My dream last night might have stemmed from a verse in Matthew 5 that I read before bed. It says, "If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering." Closure is Biblical. I hate that I have attempted to reconcile things the past few weeks via email, because words come across wrong-- as I have said in a previous posting. Maybe I am scared of confrontation, but I think if Chris were here I would ask him to coffee. Kansas is just a long way away. I want to ask others to coffee, but I am scared of their responses...scared of making anymore moves. I just wish I knew if any of these people have received my attempts in communication. I guess there is no way of knowing whether or not someone has received your email. Emails asking for forgiveness (for little insignificant things, as well as the big), hoping to find some peace. That's really all I want. I want to re-open lines of communication and find a common ground. That's what God calls us to do, but what can I do when I feel like I have tried everything? It seems like I should just stop pressing the envelope and wait for others to make a move, if they ever do-- I pray they do. I would appreciate input on this...Emily, Trevor, Keren...I trust your sage wisdom, and I am at the end of my rope. I will go ahead and say thank you, in case you do have any advice. Thank you.

This blog will be broken down into three parts: school, life, and extracurricular activities.

School: I have not written in a while because of crazy mid-terms week/professors all decided to make their papers and huge projects due on the same day. Thanks English Department at HSU. Right now I am reading Helen Keller's autobiography, which is a wonderful and pretty quick read. I am using this book for two presentations next week-- in American Autobiographies, as well as my Reading for Adolescents course. I love that I decided to do that, because that means less reading for me. I am finishing Hurston's Dust Tracks On A Road, which is wonderful. I have a research paper due in two weeks for Thompson and my own autobiography is due in a week and a half. I feel a tangent about the autobiography coming on. I have very much enjoyed writing my own autobiography because it has allowed me to experiment with various techniques and styles that are somewhat innovative. I have enjoyed sitting at coffee shops at night, writing in a journal, because taking in everything around me has given me wonderful ideas to work with. It's been therapeutic for me, and I find myself looking forward to that time throughout the day. Right now I am having to figure out transitions in subjects, and that has been a daunting task, but nonetheless, I am enjoying it thoroughly! As far as presentation goes, I believe I am going to hand out copies to everyone in the class because, as I cannot create or keep up with three different voices, it would be hard for them to follow. A few months ago, my friend Cara suggested that I wear glasses when I am speaking from the counselor's point of view. I hope I can make that work because it is a terrific idea. There are a few times when the dialogue is somewhat quick- back and forth- and I am not sure if I could put them on, take them off, put them back on, that rapidly. We will see. I have been reading segments of it, thus far, to my roommates when I get back from Starbucks, or Mezamiz, or Java City, and they are so wonderful to sit there and listen to me ramble on. I am both excited and scared to present it to the class. I wish I had a bigger pre-reading audience to give me feedback. Maybe I will round up some strangers and buy them coffee if they listen.

Life: Life is good! Katie and Josh are getting married tomorrow, so that should be exciting. Yesterday in the computer lab she was like, "Hey Melia, could you sing at the wedding?" I was thinking, "Your wedding? Saturday? This Saturday? A song I have never heard...hmm." I think she saw the fear in my eyes and she was like, "No...it's okay. I just thought maybe you could." I felt like a heel, but this weekend is crazy enough as it is; plus, she didn't have the sheet music. Buh?! Kris Noteboom is coming back to Abilene this weekend, so mucho excitemento!! We were going to take a roadtrip to Dallas this weekend, but Danielle has rehearsal and Kim has something, so we are staying here. It ended up working out perfectly though because I had forgotten all about the wedding, and I most definitely want to be there. Katie has been a friend of mine for a few years, and even though we haven't talked much as of late (with busy schedules and different friends), I wouldn't miss it for the world. Singing at is a whole other story. One day of preparation? Whatever! Saturday night there is a party in the theatre. An early Halloween party. I am not sure if I am going or not, as I hate Halloween and I know we will be up uber-late. I jokingly told my roommates that I couldn't go because there is a Growing Pains reunion on. What if that were really my reason for not going? I think it should be, and I hope they tell everyone that that is why I am not there. I love me some Seavers!

Extracurricular activities: There have not been too many activities this week besides library time, and time spent hovering over books in a coffee shop. I wanted to go see Snow Patrol on Wednesday, but seeing as how I had a project due Thursday I couldn't make it. I was so happy when Emily called from the concert during my favorite song! She scored many, many cool points, but more than that I just appreciated it a lot. I had had my nose in a book all night, and when she called at 11pm and I heard her voice and then SP playing "Run" in the background, it made my night. Thank you Emily, for thinking of me. Wednesday was exciting because I met Rachel for our weekly coffee "date". I still cannot believe we meet at 8am, but I always leave wide awake and thankful for that mid-week pick me up. Also, something else I have been thoroughly enjoying is my new work out routine. It helps break up all of the reading and writing, etc. Three times a week I ride 5K on my bike..usually from my parents house to HSU, around the campus, and back. Then, on alternating days, I do Pilates. I feel better than I have in a long time. Working out helps with stress so much and it gives me something in the middle of the day to look forward to. I hope to continue finding the motivation to do this, even when it gets cold outside. The weather this week has been incredible. It's so beautiful and there is a crisp breeze. I adore it. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend. Tonight, it's Girls Night, only we are taking us some "mens" along! Jason's birthday is on Sunday, so let the celebration begin tonight! Happy upcoming birthday man, you know I love you! ...In that purely platonic way! :)