Maybe I'm not so "predictable" after all...

You are about to see how my brain operates; it will fold out right in front of your very eyes. Don't be scared.

Tonight my mother was in the kitchen and since I was there too, we began talking. The IKEA catalog sparked talk of my moving. My moving spawned a thought in her head about me getting an internship next semester in Ft. Worth or Dallas at a publishing house while I study for my orals, which I will take towards the end of the spring semester.

This thought led me to the Wadsworth/Thomson Learning website. I want to work for Wadsworth. That's why I was there. Anyway, I was looking for any open positions, even for internships, in the Metroplex. The search turned up with nothing. I looked for any positions in any field at one of the Metroplex locations. Nothing. I moved on to the state of Texas. Nothing, really. Hmmm...

Then it began to rain outside my window. I opened the window. Smelled the rain. Then I started thinking about London.

I searched in the Editorial/Publishing fields, without specifying where. They had several open positions in New York. They had several open positons in random places like Cleveland and Denver. And then, after scrolling to the bottom of the page, I saw that there were three openings in London. I looked at two of them and thought, I could do that.

I looked back out at the rain. I thought of Rachael Yamagata lyrics. I wondered where my latest resume and cover letter were located.

I found them on my jump drive. I polished up my resume. I wrote a new and improved cover letter. And I sent it.

Then I just sat in this chair and stared at the screen.

I am not sure why I spent my evening working on my resume and a cover letter. It was an impulse. I am 98% sure I will not get the job, but I am 100% sure that I am sick of sitting around and dreaming big. I want my actions to be "big". I don't want to have any regrets.

Applying for a job in another country is the least predictable thing I have done in a while, but I keep thinking (when my mind wanders for a few seconds) about what it would be like to pack up my bags and go. Now that, my friends, would be unpredicatable.

This summer, as I walked around London with my trusty mp3 player, I remember listening to this song incessantly. Tonight, with the thoughts of London and the smell of rain, these words are echoing through my mind.

You sat down next to me, like poetry to wine.
Our window looked upon a yellow neon sign.
I took your hand while you decided what to do.
The only kiss I ever miss I shared with you.
The other cities hold a memory still of a place.
But when I dream of London I can only see your face

I want you
or no one.
No one else will do.
You, or no one.
No one is the only one
to fill the empty space I hold for you.

You simplified me down to slogans on the wall.
I took offense, but you were right about them all.
My friends are telling me I shouldn't waste my time,
but I can't concentrate until I make you mine.
I'm drawing cards and making wishes down by the well.
Who would've known I'd lose myself in that old hotel.

I want you
or no one.
No one else for me.
You, or no one.
'Cause no one else is strong enough, strong enough
to slow me down in time to set me free.

I want you
or no one else.
No one else is fine.
Oh, you, or no one.
No one is the only one
to fill me up until I make you mine.

The present is just a pleasant interruption to the past...

Oh, blog...it has been far too long. I have good intentions, I really do, yet somewhere along the way they completely fall away from the forefront of my mind. When that happens, those intentions are gone for quite a while.

I have photos I want to post from my two-weekends-ago trip to College Station, via the Weezer/Foo Fighters concert in Dallas. I believe Weezer referred to the evening's concert as "Foozer". Anyway, I want to add photographs from that crazy weekend. There are actually several things I would like to add, but instead of posting new blog entries I have been reading interesting works, such as female captivity narratives. Now, I know all of you are jealous because captivity narratives are so exciting, but try to muffle your enthusiasm. I know that no excuses will suffice when it comes to my blogspot absence, but I feel that I will share with you one source of dismay and semi-outrage: one of my professor's is giving us our midterm next Monday, which means I have to get all of my studying accomplished before girls weekend commences, or I will never get it done. Midterm? It feels like we just began the semester. Oh, well.

Here's a bit of awesome news to follow the captivity crap...I get my Powerbook tomorrow. Today I received my first box from Apple, containing all of my purchased "accessories", and I was pretty pumped. I never buy anything and I never get mail, so it was like...a double whammy! I need to end this shopping spree, indeed...but it's so fun. It's like Ashley says, "You just swipe your card and they let you take it home! You swipe the card and it's yours." Hmm...in looking at that statement, I am sitting here thinking about the overwhelming personal debt in our society...and now I am not so "pumped". Oh, well...that's society, not me. I am paying this thing off ASAP and then I will move on to bigger and better (if there is such a thing), such as the furniture on the pages of the IKEA catalog that I have dog-eared. Now all I need is a studio apartment to fill up. Man, the to-do list on the palm of my left hand has grown by two items in the last minute. I need to slow down.

Okay, well...it's my bedtime. Time for some chocolate milk and maybe some music. Tonight I have this song stuck in my head. It's really long, so I will just include the "stuck" excerpts...and it will still be long.

"Konstantine" by Something Corporate

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go
when the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
but I'm slipping in between
you and your big dreams.
It's always you
in my big dreams.
And you dont wanna be here in the future
so you say the present is just a pleasant interruption to the past.
And you dont wanna look much closer
cause you are afraid to find out all this hope
you had sent into the sky by now had
crashed,
and it did

because of me. And then you bring me home,
afraid to find out that you are alone, oh.
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
but we dont have much room to live.

And I had these dreams. In them I learned to play guitar,
maybe cross the country,
become a rock star.
And there was hope in me that I could take you there,
but damnit, you're so young...
well, i dont think I care.
And if I hurt you
then I'm sorry.
Please don't think that this was easy.

And then you bring me home
cause we both know what it's like to be alone, oh.
And I'm dreaming in your living room,
but we don't have much room to live.

And I was thinking
what I was thinking.
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere.
My Konstantine came walking down the stairs
and all that I could do was touch her long blond hair.
And I've been thinking,
but it hurts.
And those nights in my car
when the first star you see
may not be a star,
I'm not your star.
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?

And if this is what it takes
just to lie with my mistakes
and live with what I did to you,
all the hell I put you through.
I always catch the clock,
its 11:11.
Now you wanna talk.
It's not hard to dream.
You'll always be my Konstantine.
My Konstantine,
they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, they'll never hurt you like I do.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no....

This is to a girl
who got into my head
with all the pretty things she did.
Hey,
you know
you keep me up in bed.
This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these f-ed up things I did.
Hey,
maybe
baby you could keep me up in bed,
my Konstanine.

You spin around me like a dream
we played out on this movie screen,
and I said,
Did you know I missed you?
I miss you.

And then you bring me home
and we go to sleep,
but this time not alone.
And I know
you'll kiss me in your living room.
I know.
I know you miss me in your living room,
cause these nights I think
maybe that I miss you in my living room,
but we don't have much room.
I said, does anybody need that room?
Because we all need a little more room
to live,
my Konstantine....

Something to Ponder...

I have a widget that has a word, quote, and joke of the day every weekday. Today's quote was very interesting.

"Life is all about ass: you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one."-- Friedrich Nietche

When a meteor hit outside the city of Centerville...

a mysterious cloud released a chemical that enabled bears to evolve and fill the void left by humans.

And within two weeks, they had established...Bear City.

Bear City, Bear, Bear City....

Although they couldn't talk, they went about their lives just like man had done.

The only humans left in Bear City were two brave children. And they were quickly eaten. By bears.



Thanks for visiting Bear City.

Now, my question is...if one was living in Bear City and they, by chance, had a Rosa's Tortilla Factory, would they have honey humans at every table?!

Let's take the train to anywhere...

Okay, so I am back. The play is over. My nights are free (for the most part). Awesome!

This weekend was great! Thank you to everyone who came to see the play. Emily, Grant, and Trevor drove in from Dallas/Ft. Worth to see it, and some of you even saw it multiple times (Ashley, Cliff, Toby, Miles). You all are troopers! Thank you.

Saturday was awesome! Grant and I ate at La Popular for breakfast. My mother and grandmother made an incredible meal for us for lunch. Later in the afternoon, Grant and I played disc golf in the crazy Texas heat; he's really good...I pretty much suck. His GPS system broke or I would have forced him to partake in a little Geocaching. Saturday night was the show and my entire family...along with Grant and his sister and her husband...and several friends showed up. The audience was awesome, so it made the show all the more exciting! After the show, Grant's sister made us dessert over at her house, and then it was over to Ashley's for cocktails and a little Bear City, Bear Bear City. Good times. Sunday was our final show and strike, so it's officially over...forever. I miss seeing those guys (and Carrie) every night, but at least now I can actually focus on my school work. I would like to graduate eventually.

Anyway, I just found out I have a 7 page paper due Monday. That shouldn't be too big of a deal, however, I am leaving on Thursday for the weekend. Thursday night Grant and I are going to the Weezer/Foo Fighters concert in Dallas, and then Friday we are off to College Station for the weekend. It should be a pretty crazy time. There are like 12 people staying in the house we are staying at: all of his ex-roommates, plus their cousins and their cousins cousins...or something like that. It should be a lot of fun, and I am sure I will have plenty of stories to share when I get back.

On a ridiculous note, last night I was panicking because I had to edit stories for The Brand and send them in immediately because this weekend (when I usually edit) was so chaotic and I had no time. So, I go up to The Brand office where I am confronted with this man from out of nowhere. He tries to seem all authoritative and he's like, "Umm...yes...these are the changes we want to see on this article. I have circled sections...see, like this one, no. This other one...no. We can't say that because it implies things about the administration. We can't say this because it kind of points a finger...but I have written something at the end here that we could say...so, make these changes." Okay, first off...who are you?! Secondly, there was a speech in the play about our freedom of expression, especially on HSU campus, that makes what you are saying to me come across as extremely ironic. Thirdly, seriously?! Fourthly...implies? Points a finger? Good. It's a freaking op-ed piece. The writer should be able to express his/her thoughts...the writer didn't name drop and the facts were true so stop trying to cover your ass and let this go to print. God forbid we have anything edgy to say. God forbid we make any statement that could be taken in any other way than safe and completely PC. I was just like, why do I work for these people?! I mean, when writers can't speak their minds...what's the point. I wanted to say, hey...why don't you just write every article and edit it yourself. Then it will be the most boring paper ever...oh, wait a minute.

Song I am currently listening to:

"Don't Ever" by Missy Higgins

Let's take the train to anywhere.
I wanna feel the wind in my hair with you.
Let's tell them all, that soon they'll know
how very wrong they were to think we'd never go,
and if you tell me yours I'll tell you mine.
And we will clean the cobwebs out of one another's minds.

Don't ever say you've tried to leave me in this life.
Don't ever say you've tried for the last time.

We'll get a house where the trees hang low and pretty little flowers
on our window sill will grow.
We'll make friends with the milk man and the butcher Mr. Timms
will give us discounts when he can,
and if you tell me yours I'll tell you mine.
And we will clean the cobwebs out of one another's minds.

Don't ever say you've tried to leave me in this life.
Don't ever say you've tried for the last time.

Don't ever say you've tried to leave me in this life .
Don't ever say you've tried to leave me in this life.
Don't ever say you've tried for the last time....

The write-up in today's newspaper...

Thank you Janet.

Play Review: HSU's 'Complete History' is total blast
By Janet Van Vleet / Reporter-News Staff Writer September 8, 2005

From the founding fathers to Abraham Lincoln to American Indians, no one is safe from the irreverent comedy of ''The Complete History of America (abridged)'' - not even the audience.

Directed by senior Carrie Helms, the first show of the Hardin-Simmons University theater season featured three talented actors playing ... themselves. Brad Ellison, Melia McFarland and Eric Peets guide the crowd from America's earliest beginnings to the present.

Filled with sight gags (Peets as a woman in bad wigs and dresses), so-lame-it's-funny puns (''Lucy in disguise with Diamond'') and jokes that fly so fast they're easy to miss (so listen carefully), it's just plain fun.

The distinctive-voiced Ellison played various characters, such as the grim Salem preacher making church announcements about making nooses and thumb screws during arts and crafts. He performed one of his funniest bits, about conspiracies, while lying on the ground. Now that's good delivery.

McFarland and Peets zoomed in and out, dropping one-liners and ba-da-bum moments. Peets' poem about the colonists that segued into a rap cracked everyone up. During a radio broadcast, McFarland booms the cymbals. Why? ''Heavy cymbalism.''

The Lincoln assassination involves a hand puppet, a huge admission ticket and a recurring cardboard bullet - it must be seen to get the full impact. Believe me, its funny.

The cheekiness of the actors and the cleverness of the writing make this a very comical show.

If you're in the audience, beware - audience participation isn't voluntary. By the way, take heed of the warning about a ''splash zone'' (umbrellas optional).

If you go ...
What: ''The Complete History of America (abridged)'' (comedy)
When: 8 p.m. tonight-Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday
Where: Van Ellis Theatre, Hardin-Simmons University
How much: $5 adults, $3 students, free for HSU students, faculty, staff

Because it's a High Fidelity kind of night...

The book or the film...both excellent. Here are several of my favorite quotes:

It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

I wanna date a musician...
I wanna live with a musician...
And we could sit around and write songs all day, and maybe even include one of our little private jokes in the liner notes.
Or maybe even a picture of me somewhere in the liner notes, but just in the background somewhere.

Top five things I miss about Laura:
One - Sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all-time laughs in the history of all-time laughs. She laughs with her entire body.
Two - She's got character...or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She's loyal and honest and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character.
Three - I miss...her smell...and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it. Some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just...feel...like home.
Four- I really dig how she walks around. It's like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects. And it's not that she doesn't care, it's just...she's not affected I guess. And that gives her grace.
Five- She does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep. She kind of half-moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times. It just...kills me.

A while back, me, Dick, and Barry agreed that what really matters is WHAT you like, not what you ARE like. Books, records, films, these things matter! Call me shallow, but it's the f-ing truth.

...And I'm tired of that. I'm tired of everything else, for that matter. But I never seem to get tired of you.

Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelies and the Palestinians.
No, it's really not, Rob. You know why? Because Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel make pop records.
Made! Made! Marvin Gaye was shot by his father!

What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns or watching violent videos afraid that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands, of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery, and loss. Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

Opening nights and Almond Joy's...

Thank you to whoever put Almond Joy's in the dressing room community bucket-o-candy. You truly know the way to my heart...and a mouth full of Almond Joy beats a mouth full of bubble concentrate any day. Let me explain.

Last night, during our final dress rehearsal, I poured bubbles into my I-am-Benjamin-Franklin pipe and upon trying to smoke it I injested quite a lot of "bubble concentrate". This was completely stupid on my part. I spent a few seconds in the scene gagging, making repulsed faces, etc., which just made our small audience laugh harder. Little did they know that I would spend the next act wanting to throw up and honestly believing that if I had the hiccups bubbles would actually come out of my mouth. That would have been pretty cool.

So, tonight was opening night and we had a total blast! Sidenote: I want to thank Cliff for being in the audience. It meant a lot to look out and see a really good friend laughing at our nerdy humor. Seriously, thank you Cliff...you are an awesome friend! The audience tonight was a typical weeknight audience, but it was such a rush to finally have people laughing at jokes that we once thought were funny, but after rehearsing them over and over had completely lost any semblance of humor. Even though, during tonight's show, a few props were misplaced, etc., we were able to cover for each other and ad-lib, such as Brad's a nun, a priest, and a whatever joke to which I came out and cut him off alluding to the fact that everyone, if he had finished where he was going with that joke, would have been scarred for life. We had to do something in order to cover the time it took to get the flip chart out on stage. Way to go, Brad! I told Brad and Eric before entering the stage tonight that I trust them tremendously, and that may have been the only serious thing I said for the next two or so hours. I cannot say I have ever been in a show where I know, no matter what happens, we will be fine. I know if I forget a line, these guys will either say it or give me a cue or ad-lib and cover it completely, and we wouldn't miss a beat. I would do the same for them. Working with such a small cast has its disadvantages...mainly that there are so many freaking lines. However, a small cast has infinite advantages...such as having that immense trust and learning to really play off of one another. I have loved this theatre experience moreso than any play I have ever been in, and its all due to having a wonderful director (Carrie) and two incredible cast-mates (Brad and Eric).

If you are bored or have no plans for the weekend, you should come to the show. Some people laughed tonight, so I guess a few things must be funny...or maybe they were laughing at my cymbal playing. Oh, well...either way I think you should come! You can reserve tickets at 325.670.1405. It will be showing Thursday-Saturday at 8pm and Sunday at 2pm in Van Ellis Theatre. So, I have given you the details and now I am going to go climb in bed. Okay? Rockin'.

Lake weekend and Tool and the Gang...

I mean...the Core 47.

Here are several long overdue photos taken on various weekends leading up to the start of school.

Lake Whitney:


Ashley and me out on the boat.


Crazy Grant, enjoying the water. I think he was smiling about Nutter Butter wafers.


Cliff and me before Cliff almost dove into a tree.


After a day out in the sun, I thought it was a good idea to try to climb these cliffs with Grant.


How I want to spend every day.

Core 47 concerts:


Ashley at Rack Daddy's.


Good times. Thank you Evan Williams.


Ashley and Cliff at The Back Room.


Ashley, just.


Cliff, just.


Core 47: Voted Best Rock Band in Abilene.


Or was it Gayest Rock Band in Abilene? I am not sure.

I set sail to chart the seas in 1499...

in a vessel full of dreams, pastrami, and cheap wine. -TCHA (abridged)

Hello friends.

It has been a while since I have posted, mainly due to play rehearsals and jumping back into school full-speed ahead.

Rehearsals are going well and the play opens this Wednesday. I have never heard of opening on a Wednesday, but alas...that is what we are doing. Though we have been rehearsing a lot, it doesn't really seem like work because a) it's a three person cast and one of the guys in the play with me (Eric), as well as the director(Carrie), are friends I hang out with on a consistent basis anyway and 2) a lot of the scenes are ad-libbed, so that keeps things new and exciting. I feel bad for Carrie because her end-of-show notes for Brad, Eric, and I usually sound something like this:
1) Eric, don't forget to take the table off stage right.
2) You can't say "get laid".
3) Brad, try to keep your energy at the level of Eric's.
4) If you can't find a prop...please don't say "son of a bitch".
5) Melia, kissing President Lincoln was a bold choice...don't make out with him.
6) Eric, don't say "damnit".
7) Melia, you can't call Brad a "pompous ass".
We always laugh through them, but poor Carrie has to deal with us on a day-to-day basis, and she...somehow...still trusts us and gives us enormous amounts of "artistic freedom". Plain and simple: Carrie is awesome! If nothing else, The Complete History of America (abridged) will be funny, so come see it. Your incentive: Eric plays all the chick roles.

For the past week or so, I have not been able to stop thinking about Katrina, the hurricane that pummeled through Louisiana and Mississippi leaving a horrible path of destruction in its wake. I watched Fox News all last weekend as they described what they believed was going to happen to the city of New Orleans, but Monday morning, I was glad to see that it had not caused as much damage as they first believed. The next day I turned on the television to see people saying things like, we thought New Orleans would be spared, but the water keeps rising. After that, the news just became more and more devastating. Water up to the ceilings. People trapped in attics or on roofs. People being taken to the Superdome. No air conditioning. Temperatures in the mid-90's with 90% humidity. No clean water. No functional plumbing. Food supplies running low. Fires. Children separated from their parents. People looting (What in the world are you going to do with a 50" plasma television when there is no electricity and you have to carry it out of the store and onto the air mattress you are floating around on? Idiots!). Bodies pushed to the side of streets. Gunfire. Mob mentality. These people have lost everything.

Last night, as I drove home, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got in bed, I realized how much I take for granted. I have a car. I have toiletries. I have running water in my own home. I have a home. I don't have to share my room with thirty other people who just need a dry place to lay their heads. This morning I woke up and had food in the pantry, a case of bottled water in the refrigerator, and a just-washed change of clothes on my back. I am truly blessed and incredibly thankful. In seeing footage from Louisiana and Mississippi on the news, you would think it was directly from a war zone or a third-world country. This hits close to home. This could be me. This could be you. Left with nothing. No home. No car. No "stuff"...as my mother said. They have the clothes on their backs. I cannot comprehend how one would move on after this type of tragedy. You have no home to go back to, or if you do you have to completely gut the home and deal with all of the wreckage. You have no job because the building no longer exists. Your children have no school. And, hopefully, you were not living from pay check to pay check, because then you would truly have nothing. People on the news cannot believe the mob mentality of these people, but they are desperate people. Hungry people. Incredibly distressed people. Desperate is the best word. They are crying out for help, not from other countries, but from us...American citizens, just like them. The government is finally acting. We need to do more. We need to move faster. Sitting here, taking computer access for granted, I feel helpless. On the news they flash numbers and names of foundations that are asking for money and toiletries. That would be a good start, but I guess...at this moment...all we can do is pray for the victims and for our country.

Survey says...

that I took this idea from Ashley's blog. www.colorgenics.com

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

Compromise is the name of the game at this time and it is the only way you can avoid being deprived of the love and affection you so rightly deserve -so soften up a little, be flexible.

Your confidence has been shattered. There are so many things that you would like to do with your life, so many dreams to be fulfilled - and you know that your hopes and dreams are not just figments of your imagination, they are real and you are looking for reassurance from someone. Basically your fears are such that you may be prevented in attaining your hopes and dreams. Even now you would like to broaden your fields of endeavor but in order to develop your 'inner- self' you need peace and solace. You are distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from attaining your goals. What you really need at this particular moment in time is quiet reassurance from someone close to you to restore your confidence.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.