I kept talking to myself.
I had to get the words out of my head.
(So I did.)
You barely said a thing;
you kind of heard me out and then you said,
(You said...)
"You’re crazy, why do you keep doing this?
Everything is fine."
Then I think I’m crazy.
I do this all the time.
Until I start to think that nothing’s even wrong.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Sometimes your intentions are totally impossible to read.
(What does that mean?)
Sometimes even I have no idea what I need.
(I wish I did.)
I’m crazy. Why do I keep doing this?
Everything is fine.
Then you think I’m crazy.
I do this all the time.
Until I start to think that something’s really wrong.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Looking through my window at the big, blue sky
the lazy sun is shining, so I run outside
to look for you. I look for you
and then it starts to rain.
Is that the way it really is?
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
The way it really is.
The way it really is.
The way it really is.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
My Starbucks cup makes sense...
Embrace this right now life while
it's dripping, while the flavors are
excellently woesome. Take your
bites with bravery and boldness
since the learning and the growing
are here in these times, these exact
right nows. Capture these times.
Hold and kiss them because it
will soon be very different.
--Jill Scott
it's dripping, while the flavors are
excellently woesome. Take your
bites with bravery and boldness
since the learning and the growing
are here in these times, these exact
right nows. Capture these times.
Hold and kiss them because it
will soon be very different.
--Jill Scott
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Observations upon visiting my local Walmart...
as to why foreigners have every right to hate Americans.
I will only touch on one reason in this post, but if you want to know more I can most definitely list them for you.
Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit the new Super Walmart built fairly close to where I am now living. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that every aisle was backed up because five or six cars were waiting for people that were still loading things into their minivans to get into their automobiles, start them up, check their rearview mirrors, and back out so that the first greedy car full of completely healthy twenty year olds (I am not denying that I have been one of these said twenty year olds in the past) could have a space that was 25 yards from the door instead of parking in the first empty space that was at most 75 yards from the entrance. I parked my car in the last spot at the end of one of the aisles and I couldn't help my bitterness as I passed by the six cars waiting and hoping for a space to open up. I mean, seriously people. I will have my shopping completely finished by the time you find a space so that you can save yourself 50 yards of walking. Awesome rationale!
Then I started thinking, this is one of the many, many reason foreigners hate us. We are too lazy to walk an extra 50 yards when all over Europe people walk from their homes to the metro/tube/underground and then to work or to do their grocery shopping, etc. That's miles and miles every day. We don't walk anywhere. We are inconvenienced when we have to walk from one side of the Abilene mall to the other to get to where we parked our cars. In short, we are lazy asses.
Then we sit around and listen to theories and studies, we read pamphlets and magazine articles on why America is the most obese country by far, and somehow we still wonder why. I can't fathom!
I will only touch on one reason in this post, but if you want to know more I can most definitely list them for you.
Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit the new Super Walmart built fairly close to where I am now living. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that every aisle was backed up because five or six cars were waiting for people that were still loading things into their minivans to get into their automobiles, start them up, check their rearview mirrors, and back out so that the first greedy car full of completely healthy twenty year olds (I am not denying that I have been one of these said twenty year olds in the past) could have a space that was 25 yards from the door instead of parking in the first empty space that was at most 75 yards from the entrance. I parked my car in the last spot at the end of one of the aisles and I couldn't help my bitterness as I passed by the six cars waiting and hoping for a space to open up. I mean, seriously people. I will have my shopping completely finished by the time you find a space so that you can save yourself 50 yards of walking. Awesome rationale!
Then I started thinking, this is one of the many, many reason foreigners hate us. We are too lazy to walk an extra 50 yards when all over Europe people walk from their homes to the metro/tube/underground and then to work or to do their grocery shopping, etc. That's miles and miles every day. We don't walk anywhere. We are inconvenienced when we have to walk from one side of the Abilene mall to the other to get to where we parked our cars. In short, we are lazy asses.
Then we sit around and listen to theories and studies, we read pamphlets and magazine articles on why America is the most obese country by far, and somehow we still wonder why. I can't fathom!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Say goodnight and go...
Not much to report.
School began this week and if I tie up all of my loose ends it will be my final semester here. Miles just started classes at HSU and that is awesome! I love seeing him around campus. I am thinking that one day I will run into my mother and brother on campus. Why, it would be like a family reunion! Eww...That's kind of sad. I should be gone by now. I really feel like I have been here forever.
This weekend Core 47 is playing at The Back Room. You know how much I love them! The only disappointing thing is that Grant will not be here. His dad had a heart attack last week (continue praying for his health) and is thankfully back at home now, so Grant is going to Waco instead to help his mother with some things around the house. What a good guy. I will still miss him sharing in the Core 47 experience with me. Oh well...we always have Weezer, baby! Oh, September is going to be a good month!
Rehearsals are in full swing. I am excited about the play. Last night I started laughing in the middle of a scene, so tonight my goal is to make it through without breaking character. I have never worried about breaking character before, but this play, even after I have heard the lines a million times, still makes me laugh out loud.
Okay, well...that's about it for today's entry. I am going to grab a bite to eat with Peets before rehearsal. I hope you are all having a great week!
School began this week and if I tie up all of my loose ends it will be my final semester here. Miles just started classes at HSU and that is awesome! I love seeing him around campus. I am thinking that one day I will run into my mother and brother on campus. Why, it would be like a family reunion! Eww...That's kind of sad. I should be gone by now. I really feel like I have been here forever.
This weekend Core 47 is playing at The Back Room. You know how much I love them! The only disappointing thing is that Grant will not be here. His dad had a heart attack last week (continue praying for his health) and is thankfully back at home now, so Grant is going to Waco instead to help his mother with some things around the house. What a good guy. I will still miss him sharing in the Core 47 experience with me. Oh well...we always have Weezer, baby! Oh, September is going to be a good month!
Rehearsals are in full swing. I am excited about the play. Last night I started laughing in the middle of a scene, so tonight my goal is to make it through without breaking character. I have never worried about breaking character before, but this play, even after I have heard the lines a million times, still makes me laugh out loud.
Okay, well...that's about it for today's entry. I am going to grab a bite to eat with Peets before rehearsal. I hope you are all having a great week!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Real like a plastic bouquet...
"Cry on Demand"-- Ryan Adams
So, it's how the story goes.
And we come to the scene where I'm holding you close.
She moves, moves like a thin dulling blade.
Cuts, all the words that I said.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
The truth -- The truth is I miss you.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you.
Real. Real like a plastic bouquet.
That thrives on the smoke from an old fireplace.
And dies every night with her face on the news.
Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
Nobody can cry -- It's hard to do.
For most folks, without a reason why.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Just close your eyes and think of me.
I take back everything I said.
She can't hurt me, and I can't hurt you.
It's like we're already dead.
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you....
So, it's how the story goes.
And we come to the scene where I'm holding you close.
She moves, moves like a thin dulling blade.
Cuts, all the words that I said.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
The truth -- The truth is I miss you.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you.
Real. Real like a plastic bouquet.
That thrives on the smoke from an old fireplace.
And dies every night with her face on the news.
Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
Nobody can cry -- It's hard to do.
For most folks, without a reason why.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Just close your eyes and think of me.
I take back everything I said.
She can't hurt me, and I can't hurt you.
It's like we're already dead.
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you....
Unfinished business...
who says business?! (that's for you...you know who you are.)
So, I figure I should catch up on a few things since I am home earlier than usual and I am trying to tie up loose ends before school begins on Monday...eww.
Two posts ago I said I would discuss three things:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
...and I will do so, as briefly as possible.
1. So, I moved. It was not fun. I think I picked the most humid and hot day ever in the history of Texas. I have a lot of crap that I don't need and I am working hard to minimalize and simplify. I rented and drove a U-haul. It was ridiculous. I am so tired of unpacking that I have contemplated just throwing the remaining unopened boxes in the dumpster. I don't care to see what's in them...I just don't want to deal with whatever it is. I look around...I have all of my books. I have my DVD's. I have my computer. I can't really think of anything that could be in those boxes that I just cannot live without. I have this fear though that come winter time I would be in dire need of mittens and they would be nowhere to be found. I would later pass a guy on the corner with red mittens just like mine. Then I would know what was up. I am now more motivated to unpack them than ever.
2. Yes, Eric Peets has cut his hair and it's fabulous. I haven't seen him looking like that since...maybe photos that I have of he and Angela...so a long time ago. Sports Clips was great; they cut his hair for free since he had grown it out to donate it to Locks of Love. At one point, the lady cutting it had taken most of the length off except for in the back and for a glorious but brief second Eric had a mullet. I wanted to slip the lady some money and be like, "Please, please leave it like that. Put the scissors down." It would have been awesome! There were cameras, reporters, etc. I can't imagine having 20 people coming to see you get your hair cut, but he handled it like a champ. Angela would have been so proud. I know I was.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005 was a full success. We drove into Ft. Worth Friday evening, ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and then went to Katy's house where we sat on her back porch for hours catching up; it was wonderful. On Saturday we hit Deep Ellum to take some photos, and on Saturday evening we went to Pete's Dueling Piano Bar which was very exciting! It was so great to be with Ashley, Grant, and Katy; I never wanted the road trip to end. It was a relaxed and fun-filled weekend...two qualities I believe every weekend should have.
A photo to commemorate the event:
Okay, so I have written about everything I promised I would. I hate not following through when I say I will. There you have it; the three doses of trivial information you never needed to know.
This weekend has been great. Last night Ashley and I bid Alicia farewell; she is moving to Denton this weekend. We had a lot of fun, and as always, it was good to see Cat and Alicia. Today has been interesting. This morning/afternoon I worked on unpacking the hoard of superfluous boxes that remain on the floor of my bedroom. While unpacking I watched The Other Sister. I realize that movie came out in 1999, but I had never seen it in its entirety and...I cried. It was ridiculous and I am glad no one was around to see it. I tell you...pure sap.
Later in the afternoon I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin, which was spectacular. At several points during the movie, I realized that Eric and I were the only ones laughing, and afterwards I told Eric that I am pretty sure the people around us were thinking...perverts. Oh well, it's really really funny and Paul Rudd is in it...that is reason enough for me to love it. I love him.
After the movie Eric and I went to Hastings to rent Sin City. I must add that the highlight of my day was walking past the "bargain book" shelf at Hastings and seeing an incredible selection of books. I didn't know what to do. I got all excited and started picking ones up that I wanted. The stack began to grow and I had to rationalize with myself. Okay Melia, you probably have 15 books at home that you have never read but intend to read sometime in the future. These will just add to that list. I knew I couldn't get all of them, so I just stuck with a "safe" pick...one I already know I will enjoy because I read a few chapters of it a while back. I got The Lovely Bones by Alice Seabold for $2.99. I felt like I was stealing it! (I am a huge nerd.)
Okay, so back to renting Sin City...I wasn't sure that I could deal with three movies in one day, but I am here to tell you that I survived. I think Eric's burgers helped me through it...delicious. Before I saw Sin City I was like, whoa....that's an incredible cast! Now I am just like, yeah...they had to have an incredible cast to get anyone to sit through it. Don't get me wrong...for the first hour/hour-and-a-half I was interested in the storyline. I enjoyed the black-and-white with splashes of color. I was like, whoo...artsy! But then, about a decade into it, I was like...if there were not beautiful people on the screen I would turn this off. Jason Casselberry, I would appreciate your feedback on this film. Anyway, I am convinced that the director strategically placed Clive Owen towards the end of the movie. The director knew once my attention left the only thing that would keep me in front of my television was Clive and his fabulous accent. Oh director man...you were so right.
So, after three movies, good company, and a good burger I am back at home. I think I am going to go climb in bed with a glass of wine and The Lovely Bones. Excitement!
Goodnight everyone. Smile...Bobby and Whitney do.
So, I figure I should catch up on a few things since I am home earlier than usual and I am trying to tie up loose ends before school begins on Monday...eww.
Two posts ago I said I would discuss three things:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
...and I will do so, as briefly as possible.
1. So, I moved. It was not fun. I think I picked the most humid and hot day ever in the history of Texas. I have a lot of crap that I don't need and I am working hard to minimalize and simplify. I rented and drove a U-haul. It was ridiculous. I am so tired of unpacking that I have contemplated just throwing the remaining unopened boxes in the dumpster. I don't care to see what's in them...I just don't want to deal with whatever it is. I look around...I have all of my books. I have my DVD's. I have my computer. I can't really think of anything that could be in those boxes that I just cannot live without. I have this fear though that come winter time I would be in dire need of mittens and they would be nowhere to be found. I would later pass a guy on the corner with red mittens just like mine. Then I would know what was up. I am now more motivated to unpack them than ever.
2. Yes, Eric Peets has cut his hair and it's fabulous. I haven't seen him looking like that since...maybe photos that I have of he and Angela...so a long time ago. Sports Clips was great; they cut his hair for free since he had grown it out to donate it to Locks of Love. At one point, the lady cutting it had taken most of the length off except for in the back and for a glorious but brief second Eric had a mullet. I wanted to slip the lady some money and be like, "Please, please leave it like that. Put the scissors down." It would have been awesome! There were cameras, reporters, etc. I can't imagine having 20 people coming to see you get your hair cut, but he handled it like a champ. Angela would have been so proud. I know I was.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005 was a full success. We drove into Ft. Worth Friday evening, ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and then went to Katy's house where we sat on her back porch for hours catching up; it was wonderful. On Saturday we hit Deep Ellum to take some photos, and on Saturday evening we went to Pete's Dueling Piano Bar which was very exciting! It was so great to be with Ashley, Grant, and Katy; I never wanted the road trip to end. It was a relaxed and fun-filled weekend...two qualities I believe every weekend should have.
A photo to commemorate the event:
Okay, so I have written about everything I promised I would. I hate not following through when I say I will. There you have it; the three doses of trivial information you never needed to know.
This weekend has been great. Last night Ashley and I bid Alicia farewell; she is moving to Denton this weekend. We had a lot of fun, and as always, it was good to see Cat and Alicia. Today has been interesting. This morning/afternoon I worked on unpacking the hoard of superfluous boxes that remain on the floor of my bedroom. While unpacking I watched The Other Sister. I realize that movie came out in 1999, but I had never seen it in its entirety and...I cried. It was ridiculous and I am glad no one was around to see it. I tell you...pure sap.
Later in the afternoon I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin, which was spectacular. At several points during the movie, I realized that Eric and I were the only ones laughing, and afterwards I told Eric that I am pretty sure the people around us were thinking...perverts. Oh well, it's really really funny and Paul Rudd is in it...that is reason enough for me to love it. I love him.
After the movie Eric and I went to Hastings to rent Sin City. I must add that the highlight of my day was walking past the "bargain book" shelf at Hastings and seeing an incredible selection of books. I didn't know what to do. I got all excited and started picking ones up that I wanted. The stack began to grow and I had to rationalize with myself. Okay Melia, you probably have 15 books at home that you have never read but intend to read sometime in the future. These will just add to that list. I knew I couldn't get all of them, so I just stuck with a "safe" pick...one I already know I will enjoy because I read a few chapters of it a while back. I got The Lovely Bones by Alice Seabold for $2.99. I felt like I was stealing it! (I am a huge nerd.)
Okay, so back to renting Sin City...I wasn't sure that I could deal with three movies in one day, but I am here to tell you that I survived. I think Eric's burgers helped me through it...delicious. Before I saw Sin City I was like, whoa....that's an incredible cast! Now I am just like, yeah...they had to have an incredible cast to get anyone to sit through it. Don't get me wrong...for the first hour/hour-and-a-half I was interested in the storyline. I enjoyed the black-and-white with splashes of color. I was like, whoo...artsy! But then, about a decade into it, I was like...if there were not beautiful people on the screen I would turn this off. Jason Casselberry, I would appreciate your feedback on this film. Anyway, I am convinced that the director strategically placed Clive Owen towards the end of the movie. The director knew once my attention left the only thing that would keep me in front of my television was Clive and his fabulous accent. Oh director man...you were so right.
So, after three movies, good company, and a good burger I am back at home. I think I am going to go climb in bed with a glass of wine and The Lovely Bones. Excitement!
Goodnight everyone. Smile...Bobby and Whitney do.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Because of insomnia...
I was up reading and stumbled upon this.
It is an interesting idea, really. It comes straight from Plato's Symposium:
"People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two. Now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves that we have lost."
And it goes on to say...
"And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment. These are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell ...."
I love that. Good work Plato.
It is an interesting idea, really. It comes straight from Plato's Symposium:
"People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two. Now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves that we have lost."
And it goes on to say...
"And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment. These are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell ...."
I love that. Good work Plato.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Oh Blogspot, how I have missed you...
kind of...not really.
I feel like I have neglected my blog, but I have neglected quite a few things recently due to the end-of-summer insanity.
Right now I have to run a few errands and make one last trip to the old apartment to tie up some loose ends, but I swear...I will blog soon!
In the upcoming blog you will learn about pointless and/or trivial things such as:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
I know you are counting down the seconds until my next exciting post. Start with 2,365,867 and before you can get to 1...I will be back.
I feel like I have neglected my blog, but I have neglected quite a few things recently due to the end-of-summer insanity.
Right now I have to run a few errands and make one last trip to the old apartment to tie up some loose ends, but I swear...I will blog soon!
In the upcoming blog you will learn about pointless and/or trivial things such as:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
I know you are counting down the seconds until my next exciting post. Start with 2,365,867 and before you can get to 1...I will be back.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Summer is drawing to a close...
and I already miss it.
It seems every time I come away from the weekend I am left thinking that was the best weekend ever! But, amazingly, the following weekend trumps the previous weekend. It's awesome!
This weekend was incredible! Friday and Saturday night Core 47 played at Rack Daddy's and both shows were terrific, as usual. Good drinks, good music, good friends. I can't think of a better way to spend those nights.
After going to bed at 3am on Saturday, Ashley and I woke up yesterday at 8am to drive, with Cliff, to Lake Whitney for the day. We met up with Grant at Laguna Park and piled in his truck to get ride the lake. It was such a perfect day. The water was calm. The sky was a little bit overcast, so it was not scorching hot. We had a blast tubing and just floating in the water talking and laughing. The conversation was insanely ridiculous at times, but several good inside jokes came out of it, which is always fun between friends. It was so good to see Grant. We have been so fortunate to see each other at least twice a month all summer. I am not sure that I could go much longer than that.
I feel that I need to post a list of thanks for the weekend:
Thank you Grant for the crazy supply of Nutter Butter's and cold beverages... and also for putting up with me in all forms for the past ten years, and always humoring my silly self. I love you.
Thank you Ashley for always making me laugh until my side hurts, for singing all the right songs, and for always being there for me-- whether in silence or chaos.
Thank you Clifford for making me shake my head more than anyone I have ever met, for consistently amazing me with your quick wit, and for participating in banter with me on a regular basis. We all love our "Tee Cake".
I look at my friends and I cannot express the immense gratitude I feel. I could go on. Gah, I am such a sap. I need to stop.
Okay, so I have been writing non-stop for about the past month or so. I have notebooks full of nonsense. It's a strange thing. Sometimes I will not write anything for months and then, all of the sudden, I will write for weeks straight. I had to make a deal with myself this week though, and it hurts me to have to bargain with myself...that's no fun. This is the way the battle went down:
M1: Melia, you need to work on your thesis. It's due in October, sister.
M2: But I am too busy writing. Plath can wait.
M1: Did you just hear yourself? Plath can what?! I don't even know you anymore. Time is running out and you don't want to turn in a shoddy thesis.
M2: I know...I know... You're always right.
M1: If you get the urge to write, just make sure your focus is the thesis. Turn all of your attention to that until you have the 70 pages.
M2: Well, what if I have an idea for something and it comes to me and I have to write it down?
M1: It must deal with religious imagery and Sylvia Plath.
M2: But...I....
M1: No...
And it went on and on like that and the conversation is pretty much constant in my head when I get the urge to write. My thesis is due in October and I only have about 30 pages. I guess that's progress, but not what I wanted to have by August. Oh, well...
I have quite a few large things to do in the near future: (not necessarily in order)
1. Move out.
2. Purchase my Powerbook and accesories.
3. Finish thesis.
4. Be off book.
All exciting. All nerveracking. All are coming up. Stupid summer...why do you have to be almost over?!
It seems every time I come away from the weekend I am left thinking that was the best weekend ever! But, amazingly, the following weekend trumps the previous weekend. It's awesome!
This weekend was incredible! Friday and Saturday night Core 47 played at Rack Daddy's and both shows were terrific, as usual. Good drinks, good music, good friends. I can't think of a better way to spend those nights.
After going to bed at 3am on Saturday, Ashley and I woke up yesterday at 8am to drive, with Cliff, to Lake Whitney for the day. We met up with Grant at Laguna Park and piled in his truck to get ride the lake. It was such a perfect day. The water was calm. The sky was a little bit overcast, so it was not scorching hot. We had a blast tubing and just floating in the water talking and laughing. The conversation was insanely ridiculous at times, but several good inside jokes came out of it, which is always fun between friends. It was so good to see Grant. We have been so fortunate to see each other at least twice a month all summer. I am not sure that I could go much longer than that.
I feel that I need to post a list of thanks for the weekend:
Thank you Grant for the crazy supply of Nutter Butter's and cold beverages... and also for putting up with me in all forms for the past ten years, and always humoring my silly self. I love you.
Thank you Ashley for always making me laugh until my side hurts, for singing all the right songs, and for always being there for me-- whether in silence or chaos.
Thank you Clifford for making me shake my head more than anyone I have ever met, for consistently amazing me with your quick wit, and for participating in banter with me on a regular basis. We all love our "Tee Cake".
I look at my friends and I cannot express the immense gratitude I feel. I could go on. Gah, I am such a sap. I need to stop.
Okay, so I have been writing non-stop for about the past month or so. I have notebooks full of nonsense. It's a strange thing. Sometimes I will not write anything for months and then, all of the sudden, I will write for weeks straight. I had to make a deal with myself this week though, and it hurts me to have to bargain with myself...that's no fun. This is the way the battle went down:
M1: Melia, you need to work on your thesis. It's due in October, sister.
M2: But I am too busy writing. Plath can wait.
M1: Did you just hear yourself? Plath can what?! I don't even know you anymore. Time is running out and you don't want to turn in a shoddy thesis.
M2: I know...I know... You're always right.
M1: If you get the urge to write, just make sure your focus is the thesis. Turn all of your attention to that until you have the 70 pages.
M2: Well, what if I have an idea for something and it comes to me and I have to write it down?
M1: It must deal with religious imagery and Sylvia Plath.
M2: But...I....
M1: No...
And it went on and on like that and the conversation is pretty much constant in my head when I get the urge to write. My thesis is due in October and I only have about 30 pages. I guess that's progress, but not what I wanted to have by August. Oh, well...
I have quite a few large things to do in the near future: (not necessarily in order)
1. Move out.
2. Purchase my Powerbook and accesories.
3. Finish thesis.
4. Be off book.
All exciting. All nerveracking. All are coming up. Stupid summer...why do you have to be almost over?!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Photo-rrific!
So, I haven't posted any photographs since my vacation in June. I figure it's about time.
Here are the kids I worked with this summer at Kids of the Kingdom. This is the best they behaved all summer. I do kind of miss them though....
Several of the crazy boys. I have no doubt that they were plotting an attack against the counselors.
Victoria and Olivia.
Gypsy Tea Room.
Ashley and me at the Rachael Yamagata concert. Yes, I realize I look high. I can assure you I was not.
Rachael at the Rachael Yamagata concert...awesome!
Awesomer!
Most awesomest! (Yes, you read that right...most awesomest.)
After the concert at the Velvet Hookah for Kim's going away party.
Kim and Kris hesitantly smile for the camera.
Hanging out at Grant's apartment:
Danielle and I were camera-happy.
Did you know I like the Rangers? I bet you didn't.
Amber and Nathan's wedding...good times way out in Mt.Pleasant-middle-of-nowhere.
Carrie and I were forced to take this photo by Amber's father. I think we look pretty happy, considering...
Here are the kids I worked with this summer at Kids of the Kingdom. This is the best they behaved all summer. I do kind of miss them though....
Several of the crazy boys. I have no doubt that they were plotting an attack against the counselors.
Victoria and Olivia.
Gypsy Tea Room.
Ashley and me at the Rachael Yamagata concert. Yes, I realize I look high. I can assure you I was not.
Rachael at the Rachael Yamagata concert...awesome!
Awesomer!
Most awesomest! (Yes, you read that right...most awesomest.)
After the concert at the Velvet Hookah for Kim's going away party.
Kim and Kris hesitantly smile for the camera.
Hanging out at Grant's apartment:
Danielle and I were camera-happy.
Did you know I like the Rangers? I bet you didn't.
Amber and Nathan's wedding...good times way out in Mt.Pleasant-middle-of-nowhere.
Carrie and I were forced to take this photo by Amber's father. I think we look pretty happy, considering...
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I was white as alabaster...
There is a fine line
between light and sunshine
and you are the sunshine to me.
Yeah, you are a beacon,
never darken or weaken,
and I was blind but now I see that...
I was white as alabaster,
cold as alabaster, alabaster...
and I just kept running faster
but I couldn't capture
any good in this world.
Neither rhyme nor reason
could make sense of this season...
in the summer, in the dead of fall.
There are millions of good words,
but no word that I've heard
does you justice at all.
'Cause I was white as alabaster,
cold as alabaster, alabaster...
and I just kept running faster
but you just can't capture
all the good in this world.
But there is a fine line
between light and sunshine
and you are the sunshine to me.
between light and sunshine
and you are the sunshine to me.
Yeah, you are a beacon,
never darken or weaken,
and I was blind but now I see that...
I was white as alabaster,
cold as alabaster, alabaster...
and I just kept running faster
but I couldn't capture
any good in this world.
Neither rhyme nor reason
could make sense of this season...
in the summer, in the dead of fall.
There are millions of good words,
but no word that I've heard
does you justice at all.
'Cause I was white as alabaster,
cold as alabaster, alabaster...
and I just kept running faster
but you just can't capture
all the good in this world.
But there is a fine line
between light and sunshine
and you are the sunshine to me.
Monday, August 01, 2005
When small things make you think...
about bigger things.
At the end May I went on a road trip and was worried about the fact that my tire, over time, was losing air. I took it to the "tire fixing shop" (I don't know the actual name of the place, though it's where I always take my car when I have tire problems, exclusively) and the guy that works there, let's call him Carl because he looks like a Carl, could not find any reason for a leak. He told me it could be the heat, blah blah blah. Carl aired up the tires and I was off for my weekend excursion.
As time went on, I would occasionally have to fill my tire up with air. Filling it up with air depended on how much change was in the ash tray of my car or whether or not I was close to Rebecca Lane (Free air at the Shell station...tell your friends). I would constantly have people telling me, "Hey, your tire's flat"..."Hey lady, your tire looks a little low"...etc. So, back to Carl before I left on my trip to Great Britain. Once again, trusty Carl with the pink "hanky" could not find the source of the leak and went on to balance my three remaining tires.
So, the morning I left for my trip to G.B., I parked the Jetta in my grandmother's garage, and because I did not want to keep up with my keys I slid them underneath the back right tire. Not thinking another thing about it, I left. When I arrived home at 5am, over two weeks had passed, and during that time my tire had lost more and more air. Now it was completely flat. After overseas flights, delays, and the longest lay-over ever in New Jersey (stupid NJ...I will never forgive you), the last thing I wanted to come home to at 5am after no sleep was a flat tire, but a tire that had gone flat on top of my keys...really?!
After miraculously prying the keys from beneath the tire, my mother and I stopped and aired it up. I had every intention of taking it back to Carl, but as weeks flew by, I found it easier to just air it up when it began looking low. I had to air it up about once every three days, but with work, I could never find time to take it to the "tire fixing shop" before they closed. It was easier to live with whatever was causing it to lose air, as long as I could turn to the "quick fix" of airing it up for thirty seconds and being good to go for another couple of days. I did not want to take the time to have someone remove the wheel, determine the problem, and fix it.
So weeks passed by and I just continued airing it up once every couple of days. This past weekend I knew I would be driving to Dallas, so I finally went to see Carl about my tire. I decided I should probably be "safe"...or something. Anyway, after about 25 minutes he finally found the source of a three month problem. After patching the tire and putting the wheel back on he came into the station and showed me what had been causing all of the problems. As I held the tiny nail in my hand, I started thinking about my life in general. I thought back to how much crap this tiny nail had caused...well, the nail and my laziness. Right now, I just want to focus on the nail though.
I thought about the fact that I always had to be aware of my tire, whether it had the correct air pressure or was losing air like crazy. I thought about how long the nail had gone unnoticed. I thought about the money I had spent airing it up. I thought about the trouble I had put poor Carl through. I thought about the frustration of having to figure out a way to get my keys out from under the flat tire. I thought about the the sheer inconvenience of it all....And then I thought about how this could apply to my life.
How many things in our lives lay dormant as they fester...in our minds, in our hearts? We try to mask it...put a patch on the problem...gloss over it. How many problems start off small, or are even considered small, but we later realize they have totally taken over...controlled our actions? Sometimes we tell ourselves it is easier to live with all of the small nuisances, as long as we don't acknowledge the actual root of the problem. We don't want to take the time to look at ourselves objectively and try to determine what is at the core. We would sometimes rather look past it than attempt to fix it, because then we would have to acknowledge that it was there...that there is, indeed, a problem. We can let the little things go unnoticed, but they always surface...nagging our minds. The nail was a little thing, just like some of the problems I find easier to push aside, but until we decide that there is something there that will continue to cause us bigger problems, it will not be fixed...it will continue to worsen until we acknowledge its effects.
At the end May I went on a road trip and was worried about the fact that my tire, over time, was losing air. I took it to the "tire fixing shop" (I don't know the actual name of the place, though it's where I always take my car when I have tire problems, exclusively) and the guy that works there, let's call him Carl because he looks like a Carl, could not find any reason for a leak. He told me it could be the heat, blah blah blah. Carl aired up the tires and I was off for my weekend excursion.
As time went on, I would occasionally have to fill my tire up with air. Filling it up with air depended on how much change was in the ash tray of my car or whether or not I was close to Rebecca Lane (Free air at the Shell station...tell your friends). I would constantly have people telling me, "Hey, your tire's flat"..."Hey lady, your tire looks a little low"...etc. So, back to Carl before I left on my trip to Great Britain. Once again, trusty Carl with the pink "hanky" could not find the source of the leak and went on to balance my three remaining tires.
So, the morning I left for my trip to G.B., I parked the Jetta in my grandmother's garage, and because I did not want to keep up with my keys I slid them underneath the back right tire. Not thinking another thing about it, I left. When I arrived home at 5am, over two weeks had passed, and during that time my tire had lost more and more air. Now it was completely flat. After overseas flights, delays, and the longest lay-over ever in New Jersey (stupid NJ...I will never forgive you), the last thing I wanted to come home to at 5am after no sleep was a flat tire, but a tire that had gone flat on top of my keys...really?!
After miraculously prying the keys from beneath the tire, my mother and I stopped and aired it up. I had every intention of taking it back to Carl, but as weeks flew by, I found it easier to just air it up when it began looking low. I had to air it up about once every three days, but with work, I could never find time to take it to the "tire fixing shop" before they closed. It was easier to live with whatever was causing it to lose air, as long as I could turn to the "quick fix" of airing it up for thirty seconds and being good to go for another couple of days. I did not want to take the time to have someone remove the wheel, determine the problem, and fix it.
So weeks passed by and I just continued airing it up once every couple of days. This past weekend I knew I would be driving to Dallas, so I finally went to see Carl about my tire. I decided I should probably be "safe"...or something. Anyway, after about 25 minutes he finally found the source of a three month problem. After patching the tire and putting the wheel back on he came into the station and showed me what had been causing all of the problems. As I held the tiny nail in my hand, I started thinking about my life in general. I thought back to how much crap this tiny nail had caused...well, the nail and my laziness. Right now, I just want to focus on the nail though.
I thought about the fact that I always had to be aware of my tire, whether it had the correct air pressure or was losing air like crazy. I thought about how long the nail had gone unnoticed. I thought about the money I had spent airing it up. I thought about the trouble I had put poor Carl through. I thought about the frustration of having to figure out a way to get my keys out from under the flat tire. I thought about the the sheer inconvenience of it all....And then I thought about how this could apply to my life.
How many things in our lives lay dormant as they fester...in our minds, in our hearts? We try to mask it...put a patch on the problem...gloss over it. How many problems start off small, or are even considered small, but we later realize they have totally taken over...controlled our actions? Sometimes we tell ourselves it is easier to live with all of the small nuisances, as long as we don't acknowledge the actual root of the problem. We don't want to take the time to look at ourselves objectively and try to determine what is at the core. We would sometimes rather look past it than attempt to fix it, because then we would have to acknowledge that it was there...that there is, indeed, a problem. We can let the little things go unnoticed, but they always surface...nagging our minds. The nail was a little thing, just like some of the problems I find easier to push aside, but until we decide that there is something there that will continue to cause us bigger problems, it will not be fixed...it will continue to worsen until we acknowledge its effects.
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