I kept talking to myself.
I had to get the words out of my head.
(So I did.)
You barely said a thing;
you kind of heard me out and then you said,
(You said...)
"You’re crazy, why do you keep doing this?
Everything is fine."
Then I think I’m crazy.
I do this all the time.
Until I start to think that nothing’s even wrong.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Sometimes your intentions are totally impossible to read.
(What does that mean?)
Sometimes even I have no idea what I need.
(I wish I did.)
I’m crazy. Why do I keep doing this?
Everything is fine.
Then you think I’m crazy.
I do this all the time.
Until I start to think that something’s really wrong.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Looking through my window at the big, blue sky
the lazy sun is shining, so I run outside
to look for you. I look for you
and then it starts to rain.
Is that the way it really is?
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
Maybe I am hiding in my own confusion.
Maybe we’re just a picture in my head.
Maybe what if it could be the way I wish it really was?
Maybe I don’t want to see it the way it really is.
The way it really is.
The way it really is.
The way it really is.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
My Starbucks cup makes sense...
Embrace this right now life while
it's dripping, while the flavors are
excellently woesome. Take your
bites with bravery and boldness
since the learning and the growing
are here in these times, these exact
right nows. Capture these times.
Hold and kiss them because it
will soon be very different.
--Jill Scott
it's dripping, while the flavors are
excellently woesome. Take your
bites with bravery and boldness
since the learning and the growing
are here in these times, these exact
right nows. Capture these times.
Hold and kiss them because it
will soon be very different.
--Jill Scott
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Observations upon visiting my local Walmart...
as to why foreigners have every right to hate Americans.
I will only touch on one reason in this post, but if you want to know more I can most definitely list them for you.
Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit the new Super Walmart built fairly close to where I am now living. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that every aisle was backed up because five or six cars were waiting for people that were still loading things into their minivans to get into their automobiles, start them up, check their rearview mirrors, and back out so that the first greedy car full of completely healthy twenty year olds (I am not denying that I have been one of these said twenty year olds in the past) could have a space that was 25 yards from the door instead of parking in the first empty space that was at most 75 yards from the entrance. I parked my car in the last spot at the end of one of the aisles and I couldn't help my bitterness as I passed by the six cars waiting and hoping for a space to open up. I mean, seriously people. I will have my shopping completely finished by the time you find a space so that you can save yourself 50 yards of walking. Awesome rationale!
Then I started thinking, this is one of the many, many reason foreigners hate us. We are too lazy to walk an extra 50 yards when all over Europe people walk from their homes to the metro/tube/underground and then to work or to do their grocery shopping, etc. That's miles and miles every day. We don't walk anywhere. We are inconvenienced when we have to walk from one side of the Abilene mall to the other to get to where we parked our cars. In short, we are lazy asses.
Then we sit around and listen to theories and studies, we read pamphlets and magazine articles on why America is the most obese country by far, and somehow we still wonder why. I can't fathom!
I will only touch on one reason in this post, but if you want to know more I can most definitely list them for you.
Yesterday, for some unknown reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to visit the new Super Walmart built fairly close to where I am now living. As I pulled into the parking lot, I realized that every aisle was backed up because five or six cars were waiting for people that were still loading things into their minivans to get into their automobiles, start them up, check their rearview mirrors, and back out so that the first greedy car full of completely healthy twenty year olds (I am not denying that I have been one of these said twenty year olds in the past) could have a space that was 25 yards from the door instead of parking in the first empty space that was at most 75 yards from the entrance. I parked my car in the last spot at the end of one of the aisles and I couldn't help my bitterness as I passed by the six cars waiting and hoping for a space to open up. I mean, seriously people. I will have my shopping completely finished by the time you find a space so that you can save yourself 50 yards of walking. Awesome rationale!
Then I started thinking, this is one of the many, many reason foreigners hate us. We are too lazy to walk an extra 50 yards when all over Europe people walk from their homes to the metro/tube/underground and then to work or to do their grocery shopping, etc. That's miles and miles every day. We don't walk anywhere. We are inconvenienced when we have to walk from one side of the Abilene mall to the other to get to where we parked our cars. In short, we are lazy asses.
Then we sit around and listen to theories and studies, we read pamphlets and magazine articles on why America is the most obese country by far, and somehow we still wonder why. I can't fathom!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Say goodnight and go...
Not much to report.
School began this week and if I tie up all of my loose ends it will be my final semester here. Miles just started classes at HSU and that is awesome! I love seeing him around campus. I am thinking that one day I will run into my mother and brother on campus. Why, it would be like a family reunion! Eww...That's kind of sad. I should be gone by now. I really feel like I have been here forever.
This weekend Core 47 is playing at The Back Room. You know how much I love them! The only disappointing thing is that Grant will not be here. His dad had a heart attack last week (continue praying for his health) and is thankfully back at home now, so Grant is going to Waco instead to help his mother with some things around the house. What a good guy. I will still miss him sharing in the Core 47 experience with me. Oh well...we always have Weezer, baby! Oh, September is going to be a good month!
Rehearsals are in full swing. I am excited about the play. Last night I started laughing in the middle of a scene, so tonight my goal is to make it through without breaking character. I have never worried about breaking character before, but this play, even after I have heard the lines a million times, still makes me laugh out loud.
Okay, well...that's about it for today's entry. I am going to grab a bite to eat with Peets before rehearsal. I hope you are all having a great week!
School began this week and if I tie up all of my loose ends it will be my final semester here. Miles just started classes at HSU and that is awesome! I love seeing him around campus. I am thinking that one day I will run into my mother and brother on campus. Why, it would be like a family reunion! Eww...That's kind of sad. I should be gone by now. I really feel like I have been here forever.
This weekend Core 47 is playing at The Back Room. You know how much I love them! The only disappointing thing is that Grant will not be here. His dad had a heart attack last week (continue praying for his health) and is thankfully back at home now, so Grant is going to Waco instead to help his mother with some things around the house. What a good guy. I will still miss him sharing in the Core 47 experience with me. Oh well...we always have Weezer, baby! Oh, September is going to be a good month!
Rehearsals are in full swing. I am excited about the play. Last night I started laughing in the middle of a scene, so tonight my goal is to make it through without breaking character. I have never worried about breaking character before, but this play, even after I have heard the lines a million times, still makes me laugh out loud.
Okay, well...that's about it for today's entry. I am going to grab a bite to eat with Peets before rehearsal. I hope you are all having a great week!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Real like a plastic bouquet...
"Cry on Demand"-- Ryan Adams
So, it's how the story goes.
And we come to the scene where I'm holding you close.
She moves, moves like a thin dulling blade.
Cuts, all the words that I said.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
The truth -- The truth is I miss you.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you.
Real. Real like a plastic bouquet.
That thrives on the smoke from an old fireplace.
And dies every night with her face on the news.
Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
Nobody can cry -- It's hard to do.
For most folks, without a reason why.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Just close your eyes and think of me.
I take back everything I said.
She can't hurt me, and I can't hurt you.
It's like we're already dead.
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you....
So, it's how the story goes.
And we come to the scene where I'm holding you close.
She moves, moves like a thin dulling blade.
Cuts, all the words that I said.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
The truth -- The truth is I miss you.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you.
Real. Real like a plastic bouquet.
That thrives on the smoke from an old fireplace.
And dies every night with her face on the news.
Nobody cries, they just smoke and stare at their shoes.
The only difference is...
The only difference is...
Nobody can cry -- It's hard to do.
For most folks, without a reason why.
Cry on demand.
How'd you learn to?
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Just close your eyes and think of me.
I take back everything I said.
She can't hurt me, and I can't hurt you.
It's like we're already dead.
Cry on demand.
Why would you want to?
Cry on demand.
Teach me if you want to.
Though you don't have to.
I just close my eyes and think of you....
Unfinished business...
who says business?! (that's for you...you know who you are.)
So, I figure I should catch up on a few things since I am home earlier than usual and I am trying to tie up loose ends before school begins on Monday...eww.
Two posts ago I said I would discuss three things:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
...and I will do so, as briefly as possible.
1. So, I moved. It was not fun. I think I picked the most humid and hot day ever in the history of Texas. I have a lot of crap that I don't need and I am working hard to minimalize and simplify. I rented and drove a U-haul. It was ridiculous. I am so tired of unpacking that I have contemplated just throwing the remaining unopened boxes in the dumpster. I don't care to see what's in them...I just don't want to deal with whatever it is. I look around...I have all of my books. I have my DVD's. I have my computer. I can't really think of anything that could be in those boxes that I just cannot live without. I have this fear though that come winter time I would be in dire need of mittens and they would be nowhere to be found. I would later pass a guy on the corner with red mittens just like mine. Then I would know what was up. I am now more motivated to unpack them than ever.
2. Yes, Eric Peets has cut his hair and it's fabulous. I haven't seen him looking like that since...maybe photos that I have of he and Angela...so a long time ago. Sports Clips was great; they cut his hair for free since he had grown it out to donate it to Locks of Love. At one point, the lady cutting it had taken most of the length off except for in the back and for a glorious but brief second Eric had a mullet. I wanted to slip the lady some money and be like, "Please, please leave it like that. Put the scissors down." It would have been awesome! There were cameras, reporters, etc. I can't imagine having 20 people coming to see you get your hair cut, but he handled it like a champ. Angela would have been so proud. I know I was.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005 was a full success. We drove into Ft. Worth Friday evening, ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and then went to Katy's house where we sat on her back porch for hours catching up; it was wonderful. On Saturday we hit Deep Ellum to take some photos, and on Saturday evening we went to Pete's Dueling Piano Bar which was very exciting! It was so great to be with Ashley, Grant, and Katy; I never wanted the road trip to end. It was a relaxed and fun-filled weekend...two qualities I believe every weekend should have.
A photo to commemorate the event:
Okay, so I have written about everything I promised I would. I hate not following through when I say I will. There you have it; the three doses of trivial information you never needed to know.
This weekend has been great. Last night Ashley and I bid Alicia farewell; she is moving to Denton this weekend. We had a lot of fun, and as always, it was good to see Cat and Alicia. Today has been interesting. This morning/afternoon I worked on unpacking the hoard of superfluous boxes that remain on the floor of my bedroom. While unpacking I watched The Other Sister. I realize that movie came out in 1999, but I had never seen it in its entirety and...I cried. It was ridiculous and I am glad no one was around to see it. I tell you...pure sap.
Later in the afternoon I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin, which was spectacular. At several points during the movie, I realized that Eric and I were the only ones laughing, and afterwards I told Eric that I am pretty sure the people around us were thinking...perverts. Oh well, it's really really funny and Paul Rudd is in it...that is reason enough for me to love it. I love him.
After the movie Eric and I went to Hastings to rent Sin City. I must add that the highlight of my day was walking past the "bargain book" shelf at Hastings and seeing an incredible selection of books. I didn't know what to do. I got all excited and started picking ones up that I wanted. The stack began to grow and I had to rationalize with myself. Okay Melia, you probably have 15 books at home that you have never read but intend to read sometime in the future. These will just add to that list. I knew I couldn't get all of them, so I just stuck with a "safe" pick...one I already know I will enjoy because I read a few chapters of it a while back. I got The Lovely Bones by Alice Seabold for $2.99. I felt like I was stealing it! (I am a huge nerd.)
Okay, so back to renting Sin City...I wasn't sure that I could deal with three movies in one day, but I am here to tell you that I survived. I think Eric's burgers helped me through it...delicious. Before I saw Sin City I was like, whoa....that's an incredible cast! Now I am just like, yeah...they had to have an incredible cast to get anyone to sit through it. Don't get me wrong...for the first hour/hour-and-a-half I was interested in the storyline. I enjoyed the black-and-white with splashes of color. I was like, whoo...artsy! But then, about a decade into it, I was like...if there were not beautiful people on the screen I would turn this off. Jason Casselberry, I would appreciate your feedback on this film. Anyway, I am convinced that the director strategically placed Clive Owen towards the end of the movie. The director knew once my attention left the only thing that would keep me in front of my television was Clive and his fabulous accent. Oh director man...you were so right.
So, after three movies, good company, and a good burger I am back at home. I think I am going to go climb in bed with a glass of wine and The Lovely Bones. Excitement!
Goodnight everyone. Smile...Bobby and Whitney do.
So, I figure I should catch up on a few things since I am home earlier than usual and I am trying to tie up loose ends before school begins on Monday...eww.
Two posts ago I said I would discuss three things:
1. Moving and the fiascos that went along with that (imagine me driving a U-haul).
2. The cutting of Peets' fabulous hair.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005
...and I will do so, as briefly as possible.
1. So, I moved. It was not fun. I think I picked the most humid and hot day ever in the history of Texas. I have a lot of crap that I don't need and I am working hard to minimalize and simplify. I rented and drove a U-haul. It was ridiculous. I am so tired of unpacking that I have contemplated just throwing the remaining unopened boxes in the dumpster. I don't care to see what's in them...I just don't want to deal with whatever it is. I look around...I have all of my books. I have my DVD's. I have my computer. I can't really think of anything that could be in those boxes that I just cannot live without. I have this fear though that come winter time I would be in dire need of mittens and they would be nowhere to be found. I would later pass a guy on the corner with red mittens just like mine. Then I would know what was up. I am now more motivated to unpack them than ever.
2. Yes, Eric Peets has cut his hair and it's fabulous. I haven't seen him looking like that since...maybe photos that I have of he and Angela...so a long time ago. Sports Clips was great; they cut his hair for free since he had grown it out to donate it to Locks of Love. At one point, the lady cutting it had taken most of the length off except for in the back and for a glorious but brief second Eric had a mullet. I wanted to slip the lady some money and be like, "Please, please leave it like that. Put the scissors down." It would have been awesome! There were cameras, reporters, etc. I can't imagine having 20 people coming to see you get your hair cut, but he handled it like a champ. Angela would have been so proud. I know I was.
3. Ashley and Melia Road Trip 2005 was a full success. We drove into Ft. Worth Friday evening, ate dinner at Texas Roadhouse, and then went to Katy's house where we sat on her back porch for hours catching up; it was wonderful. On Saturday we hit Deep Ellum to take some photos, and on Saturday evening we went to Pete's Dueling Piano Bar which was very exciting! It was so great to be with Ashley, Grant, and Katy; I never wanted the road trip to end. It was a relaxed and fun-filled weekend...two qualities I believe every weekend should have.
A photo to commemorate the event:
Okay, so I have written about everything I promised I would. I hate not following through when I say I will. There you have it; the three doses of trivial information you never needed to know.
This weekend has been great. Last night Ashley and I bid Alicia farewell; she is moving to Denton this weekend. We had a lot of fun, and as always, it was good to see Cat and Alicia. Today has been interesting. This morning/afternoon I worked on unpacking the hoard of superfluous boxes that remain on the floor of my bedroom. While unpacking I watched The Other Sister. I realize that movie came out in 1999, but I had never seen it in its entirety and...I cried. It was ridiculous and I am glad no one was around to see it. I tell you...pure sap.
Later in the afternoon I went to see The 40 Year Old Virgin, which was spectacular. At several points during the movie, I realized that Eric and I were the only ones laughing, and afterwards I told Eric that I am pretty sure the people around us were thinking...perverts. Oh well, it's really really funny and Paul Rudd is in it...that is reason enough for me to love it. I love him.
After the movie Eric and I went to Hastings to rent Sin City. I must add that the highlight of my day was walking past the "bargain book" shelf at Hastings and seeing an incredible selection of books. I didn't know what to do. I got all excited and started picking ones up that I wanted. The stack began to grow and I had to rationalize with myself. Okay Melia, you probably have 15 books at home that you have never read but intend to read sometime in the future. These will just add to that list. I knew I couldn't get all of them, so I just stuck with a "safe" pick...one I already know I will enjoy because I read a few chapters of it a while back. I got The Lovely Bones by Alice Seabold for $2.99. I felt like I was stealing it! (I am a huge nerd.)
Okay, so back to renting Sin City...I wasn't sure that I could deal with three movies in one day, but I am here to tell you that I survived. I think Eric's burgers helped me through it...delicious. Before I saw Sin City I was like, whoa....that's an incredible cast! Now I am just like, yeah...they had to have an incredible cast to get anyone to sit through it. Don't get me wrong...for the first hour/hour-and-a-half I was interested in the storyline. I enjoyed the black-and-white with splashes of color. I was like, whoo...artsy! But then, about a decade into it, I was like...if there were not beautiful people on the screen I would turn this off. Jason Casselberry, I would appreciate your feedback on this film. Anyway, I am convinced that the director strategically placed Clive Owen towards the end of the movie. The director knew once my attention left the only thing that would keep me in front of my television was Clive and his fabulous accent. Oh director man...you were so right.
So, after three movies, good company, and a good burger I am back at home. I think I am going to go climb in bed with a glass of wine and The Lovely Bones. Excitement!
Goodnight everyone. Smile...Bobby and Whitney do.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Because of insomnia...
I was up reading and stumbled upon this.
It is an interesting idea, really. It comes straight from Plato's Symposium:
"People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two. Now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves that we have lost."
And it goes on to say...
"And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment. These are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell ...."
I love that. Good work Plato.
It is an interesting idea, really. It comes straight from Plato's Symposium:
"People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two. Now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another. Love is the longing for the half of ourselves that we have lost."
And it goes on to say...
"And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment. These are the people who pass their whole lives together; yet they could not explain what they desire of one another. For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell ...."
I love that. Good work Plato.
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