Maybe I'm not so "predictable" after all...

You are about to see how my brain operates; it will fold out right in front of your very eyes. Don't be scared.

Tonight my mother was in the kitchen and since I was there too, we began talking. The IKEA catalog sparked talk of my moving. My moving spawned a thought in her head about me getting an internship next semester in Ft. Worth or Dallas at a publishing house while I study for my orals, which I will take towards the end of the spring semester.

This thought led me to the Wadsworth/Thomson Learning website. I want to work for Wadsworth. That's why I was there. Anyway, I was looking for any open positions, even for internships, in the Metroplex. The search turned up with nothing. I looked for any positions in any field at one of the Metroplex locations. Nothing. I moved on to the state of Texas. Nothing, really. Hmmm...

Then it began to rain outside my window. I opened the window. Smelled the rain. Then I started thinking about London.

I searched in the Editorial/Publishing fields, without specifying where. They had several open positions in New York. They had several open positons in random places like Cleveland and Denver. And then, after scrolling to the bottom of the page, I saw that there were three openings in London. I looked at two of them and thought, I could do that.

I looked back out at the rain. I thought of Rachael Yamagata lyrics. I wondered where my latest resume and cover letter were located.

I found them on my jump drive. I polished up my resume. I wrote a new and improved cover letter. And I sent it.

Then I just sat in this chair and stared at the screen.

I am not sure why I spent my evening working on my resume and a cover letter. It was an impulse. I am 98% sure I will not get the job, but I am 100% sure that I am sick of sitting around and dreaming big. I want my actions to be "big". I don't want to have any regrets.

Applying for a job in another country is the least predictable thing I have done in a while, but I keep thinking (when my mind wanders for a few seconds) about what it would be like to pack up my bags and go. Now that, my friends, would be unpredicatable.

This summer, as I walked around London with my trusty mp3 player, I remember listening to this song incessantly. Tonight, with the thoughts of London and the smell of rain, these words are echoing through my mind.

You sat down next to me, like poetry to wine.
Our window looked upon a yellow neon sign.
I took your hand while you decided what to do.
The only kiss I ever miss I shared with you.
The other cities hold a memory still of a place.
But when I dream of London I can only see your face

I want you
or no one.
No one else will do.
You, or no one.
No one is the only one
to fill the empty space I hold for you.

You simplified me down to slogans on the wall.
I took offense, but you were right about them all.
My friends are telling me I shouldn't waste my time,
but I can't concentrate until I make you mine.
I'm drawing cards and making wishes down by the well.
Who would've known I'd lose myself in that old hotel.

I want you
or no one.
No one else for me.
You, or no one.
'Cause no one else is strong enough, strong enough
to slow me down in time to set me free.

I want you
or no one else.
No one else is fine.
Oh, you, or no one.
No one is the only one
to fill me up until I make you mine.