The act of washing your hands...

I got in around midnight from my weekend vacay, which took me thru exciting places such as: the Metroplex, Hillsboro, Waco, some tiny down called Hico, and Dublin. I couldn't help wondering, as I passed through Dublin, whether or not each house I drove by had Dublin Dr. Pepper in the refrigerator. As far as I could tell, Dublin would be a ghost town, except for the fact that Dr. Pepper is manufactured there. That would be an interesting documentary-- going door to door asking the Dubliners whether or not they partake in Dr. Pepper. I am pretty sure that the houses where the people are not big Dr. Pepper fans, those people would have it coming to them. Kind of on the same level with Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. Okay, maybe not that bad. It was 11:00pm, I had driven a long time, and my imagination got the best of me.

Onwards and upwards.

The weekend was absolutely amazing and exactly what I needed. The drive down was incredible, but I will get to that later (look for ending passage, complete with song lyrics). Once I got there all of my friends and I met up in downtown Ft. Worth at Sundance Square. We ate at a place called Mi Cocina and it was fantastic! The best part of the evening was the company, although the dessert I ate at Bennigans takes a close second. I am so thankful that Emily, Trevor, Kim, Kris, and Katie could come together at, kind of, the last minute to hang out. We walked around downtown, which is one of my favorite things to do, and ran into live music, street preachers, and other things Abilene is missing out on. Later that night we all parted ways, which was a good thing because Kim and Kris made me laugh so hard all night that my side literally hurt. This question still lingers from Friday: What wouldn't Meatloaf do for love?! If any of you have any suggestions, feel free to share. After talking about it for 15 minutes, we came up with some interesting answers, but I think Meatloaf had something much more profound in mind. Yeah...

Saturday was awesome! I will go over the main highlights. 1)I went on a shopping spree at Barnes and Noble. No one rushed me. I got a frappucino out of the deal, as well as two books I have been really wanting. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, and Cherry by Mary Karr, which is the sequel to The Liar's Club. I know that the purchasing of books being number 1 on the weekend's main highlights makes me a nerd, but I embrace the nerdiness. 2) Sitting in the massage chair at The Sharper Image. This chair was incredible. I didn't want to get up, ever. I just sat there, imagining the chair sitting in my future living room. I told one of the guys that worked there that if I bought this chair I would give it a foreign name, such as Julio or Esteban or Jaques. I would tell people I had to get home to my personal masseuse, Esteban. Wouldn't that be a great thing to come home to? 3) Charley's hamburgers and crazy poker. Luckily I had on my "poker hat", so Lady Luck was extremely kind in the hands I was dealt. No, not really...I don't believe in Lady Luck, but maybe Lady Kim and her inability to deal bad hands. (Photographs from this evening will be posted ASAP.)

Sunday, in my mind, could not have come soon enough, but now that it has passed...I wish I will still anxious for it to get here. I went to lunch with Kim and Kris and then headed to Waco to spend the day with Grant. The day consisted of: conversation with his parents, Sonic, Cameron Park (which was unbelievably beautiful), sitting and talking in their incredible backyard amidst so many beautiful plants and flowers and randomly two chickens, a trip to Ross and Bridget's house to see their twins, Ryland and Sterling, holding babies for over an hour, the best dinner date I have had in ages (with Grant)--steak, shrimp, caesar salad, and a long drive back home. Sunday was the most relaxing day I have had in a long time, though we did a lot. It is the greatest feeling to be with someone and not have to worry about talking too much, what your hair looks like, whether or not you make sense or sound stupid, having to be on guard, etc. The moments where you can just lose yourself because you feel at home. That's how I felt all day yesterday, and then I had to turn around and follow a 2-lane highway in the dark back to a place where I don't want to be. Soon enough...soon enough. The only thing that put a smile on my face, or rather a look of shock, as I was leaving were the gas signs I passed that read: Unleaded $1.99. I quickly caught myself being super thankful that gas was under two dollars, and then realized that when I first began driving gas was 99 cents. Man.

Okay, honestly, the best part of this entire weekend was the driving. In everyday life, how many of us have even one hour of uninterrupted time to sit and talk to God? This weekend I had many hours and they were much needed. Being in my car with the radio turned off and just God and me was the most refreshing and powerful feeling. I am sure you all know the feeling: You are talking to God, expressing concerns, pleading, praising, etc. and then, somehow, something hits you upside the head, catches you off-guard, and your time with God and the concerns you wanted to express completely changes-- the focus shifts. This is what happened to me and it was exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.

I believe that God wants us to cry out to Him: In times of frustration, anger, hurt, joy, in every situation. God wants us to question Him. God wants us to ask for clarity when we are confused and we do not understand what He is doing in our lives. This is exactly what happened, and I can understand if you just want to scroll down to the end of this entry, but this was important to me so I want to capture it in words. I was in my car with the Journey to the Well (Grace CD) turned down low. I had been conversing with Him...frustrated about a lot of things. Basically I was being selfish, i.e. "How can the truth cause so much hurt when You said it shall set us free", "How can the truth be manipulated into lies and misunderstood", "I hate being misunderstood and thought a liar when I just want there to be justice", "God, what are You doing with this mess of a situation? Don't let lies and deceit and betrayal win. You are a God of truth and love and Satan is winning this battle. Your children are hurting." I am talking, yelling, crying, there are people driving past me in Dallas traffic thinking, that girl needs help. I kept hoping that they thought I had one of those hands free cell phone things and was in a huge fight with my boyfriend or something, but...you know... you can feel His presence beside you. And, at the end of all of my pleading and praising and praying, I turned the CD up to hear the words: "I'm forgiven because You were forsaken. I'm accepted, You were condemned", and that was the answer to several of my questions and pleas. He was saying to me, loud and clear, "Melia...misunderstood, thought a liar, manipulation, betrayal...you think I have not felt these things? I came to Earth as the Son of God, the Messiah, but very few believed me and it was the Truth. People mistook my message of love and manipulated my words and my mission into lies. I was betrayed by my own disciple, Judas, with a kiss on the cheek. You are being selfish and trying to save your own image. I have ever been the Way, the Truth... and people would not listen or trust, and the price I had to pay was My life. I have a plan and a purpose for this. Your life is not on the line, but the lives of other people important to you are. Have faith in me, pray for them, and understand that you will be misunderstood, but if you are grounded in Me, your core cannot be shaken." Whoa! Wake-up call. It is hard to hear sometimes, difficult to process, but it is beautiful because you know it is raw and real and He has never forgotten nor will He ever forsake you. This was, by far, the best moment of the weekend. I felt like my heart was finally being shoved back into the right place-- from darkness back into the light.

Okay, final thing...the Derek Webb (from the band Caedmon's Call) album "She Must and Shall Go Free" is a must-have. I had forgotten I owned it, put it in, scanned through several of the songs and landed on this one. Back to back wake-up calls are dangerous, but this one song provided me with a very real wake-up call, opening my eyes and bringing tears to them. I am so blessed, truthfully. I don't mean for this post to sound sappy at all, but really...I am so blessed. We are so loved, and yet so unworthy. Grace...it's beautiful. We turn away and deny Him, and He is there with arms wide open ready to forgive and take us into His arms and say, "Welcome back my Child. I have missed you." We are all "prodigals" with no way home, except through Him.

"Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb

If You could love me as a wife,
and for my wedding gift Your life,
should that be all I'd ever need,
or is there more I'm looking for?

And should I read between the lines,
and look for blessings in disguise,
to make me handsome, rich, and wise,
is that really what You want?

I am a whore I do confess,
but I put You on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle.
I run down the aisle.
I'm a prodigal with no way home,
but I put You on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle.
I run down the aisle to You.

So could You love this bastard child,
though I don't trust You to provide,
with one hand in a pot of gold,
and with the other in Your side?

I am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
that I would take a little cash
over Your very flesh and blood.

Because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
when you have knowingly
deceived his wife.

I am a whore I do confess,
but I put You on just like a wedding dress
and I run down the aisle.
I run down the aisle.
I'm a prodigal with no way home,
but I put You on just like a ring of gold
and I run down the aisle.
I run down the aisle to you.