This is a note to my future self: Melia, when a friend calls at 12:30am, despite the overwhelming urge to talk, do not answer the phone.
I was on the phone with Rachel until 2:30am. I need someone to knock some common sense into me. You know it's late when you start reciting lines from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers songs, giving lyrics as everyday advice.
Me: You know Rachel, 'some days are diamonds, some days are rocks'.
Rachel: What are you talking about?!
Me: All I am saying is that 'even walls fall down'.
Rachel: Umm...okay.
So, today I woke up and decided that I am going to become wealthy. Right now I am trying to come up with different ways to achieve this goal. If you have any ideas, let me know. My theory is: there is a lot of money out there to get my hands on, so it's just a matter of figuring out a way to go about it. I also think that if you are fairly intelligent, there is no reason why you should not have money. How many idiots have money? Too many to count. We just have to be creative and work hard...then the money will practically make itself. I am with my friend Eric who said, "I don't really worry about having money in the future...it will just be there." Yep, I want that to be me. Dr. Brunner was talking about money this week and he said he wants enough in the bank so as not to have to worry about making ends meet, being in need for anything, etc., but not so much that he has to worry about it. I think that's perfect. So my future monetary goals are these:
1) Get hands on money through creative endeavors.
2) Constantly be thinking of advancements to make in order to achieve said goal.
3) Have more money than complete idiots.
4) Always work harder than the people around you.
5) Be able to relax and know that the money will "just be there" if goals 1-4 are achieved.
6) Have enough to enjoy the finer things in life, but not so much that extended family whom you have never met is constantly at your door with their grubby little paws extended asking for Porches and crap.
Ways to achieve these goals:
Well, I am not going to go into great detail. I truly only have two ideas right now, on top of the one I am about to share. The one I post here is really more of a ruse than an actual idea, but how great would it be?! Okay, the most illogical scheme right now is...wait for it...a themeless restaurant. This is the manifesto for my themeless restaurant. I think it could be a big hit. Let me know what you think. Also, if you have any money-making schemes and you would like a partner, whether it be in crime or not...well, I would rather make money the honest, American way, contact me. Actually, that is so funny...the honest, American way...I crack myself up. Okay, onwards and upwards. Here it is:
M A N I F E S T O F O R T H E M E L E S S R E S T A U R A N T
- Fridays will be treated like any other day. Same with Saturday. Wednesdays will not be referred to as Hump-day.
- There will be no ketchup on the table. Patrons requesting ketchup will be asked to leave.
- Baseball hats will be discouraged.
- Message-bearing T-shirts will be confiscated.
- The restaurant will not employ actors.
- The words "Best," and "Super" will not appear on the menu.
- Waiters will wear a button declaring their disdain for buttons in general.
- Any patron resembling Elvis will be refused entrance.
- No sideburns.
- No food will be served that can be traced to a specific region, ethnicity, or trend.
- Nothing on the menu will taste like chicken.
- Any person or persons caught celebrating a birthday, anniversary, or Valentine's Day will be asked to leave.
- So as not to risk loosening anyone's resistance toward theme restaurants, and to avoid embarrassing sing-alongs, no alcohol will be served in establishment.
- To avoid overly cheerful soda displays, and to avoid hearing the phrase, "Do the Dew," the restaurant will not serve soda. Therefore only plain water will be served. In a plain glass. No straw.
- Any celebrity who can be traced to Kevin Bacon will be refused admittance.
- Kevin Bacon will be refused admittance.
- And his brother, the music man -- no admittance.
- The restaurant will sponsor one open-mike night. The names of those who participate will be duly noted and they will be banned from the restaurant for life.
- Anyone wearing cowboy boots, a construction helmet, or a uniform of any kind, must show proof of employment in said field. Anyone without proof will be forced to change into neutral clothing. Cowboy hats will be banned altogether.
- The jukebox will only play hits from February 1983.
- Dining will take no longer than 22 minutes. After 22 minutes patrons will leave.
4 comments:
melia, i love you... and thats why I need to tell you that this restaraunt idea is way too much trouble. join me in creating the ebonics-bible-book-on-tape and we'll both be millionaires. the idiots are getting rich because, face it, america loves idiotic ideas.
there's more where that came from... but thats the primary goal. anyone who reads this better back off of my idea... you never know, i could already have a copyright pending on it and you'll look like a total fool when a baskillionaire takes your measley $207 dollars in court. BITCHES!!!
McFarland... forget honest and legal. I have many more lucritive ways to make money... However I cannot tell you what they are here because then I would have to kill everyone else on the internet and that would be a tremendous waste of time. I guess that means I'll have to call you soon. We'll make plans and be the riches girls in the world... and then we'll own a penthouse on Park Ave. Love ya,
Ker
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."
"And as for our future, one will hardly find us again on the paths of those Egyptian youths who endanger temples by night, embrace statues, and want by all means to unveil, uncover, and put into a bright light whatever is kept concealed for good reasons. No, this bad taste, this will to truth, to "truth at any price," this youthful madness in the love of truth, have lost their charm for us: for that we are too experienced, too serious, too gay, too burned, too deep. We no longer believe that truth remains truth when the veils are withdrawn; we have lived enough not to believe this. Today we consider it a matter of decency not to wish to see everything naked, or to be present at everything, or to understand and "know" everything. Tout comprendre—est tout mépriser."To understand all is to despise all."
Friedrich Nietzsche
can i eat at this restaurant? jeans, plain t-shirt, and a good attitue (for what its worth, i think being a professional bum sounds wonderful and if you ever discover a job which meets that description more than 85% of the time tell me immediately and i will fight you for the job) here's to the days when i dont do a single thing productive-- just because i feel like it!
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