Guess what happens on Tuesday...Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind comes out on DVD. I most assuredly will be having a viewing party next weekend, complete with canadian bacon and pineapple pizza.
I want to talk to you about my duck theory. I am sure that there have been periods of time in my life where I have gone weeks, months even, without seeing a duck. Wednesday it seemed that the latter part of my day revolved around ducks. I remember looking at the ground and saying, "Look at all the duck dander!" These ducks had a profound affect on the environment around me; they were everywhere. They seemed to elevate emotions, causing laughter and fear, practically in the same moment. I recall being scared as the ducks swarmed me, exclaiming, "It's like feeding homeless people, only it's cheaper and they're ducks." They came in droves, straight from the water to me. I couldn't rip the bread off fast enough; one duck was knocking me around with his bill. I have never seen ducks become angry; I feel as though this should have been a forboding symbol.
Being a student of literature, I look for symbolism and foreshadowing in all things. I know you are saying, Melia...what is the point of all of this duck nonsense? I say, wait a minute...it is coming. Think about authors such as Edgar Allen Poe and Charles Dickens; their books are covered in foreshadowing. These moments, looking back, are steeped in foreshadowing. In literature, the raven is a mark for death or gloom of some sort. It is perfect because the creature is black, and I would imagine, somewhat intimidating. My current symbol of forthcoming disaster is the duck. It's the only common denominator in a day that ended horribly; the only thing that made it different than any other Wednesday when I skip class and go to the park. Wait, maybe (if I believed in karma) I am getting what was coming to me all along for being such a selfish slacker.
Okay, so for the incident that ties together all things talked about. Later that night, after a nice conversation with a great guy over coffee, we walked, laughing, to the pond. We had an idea that was sure to win many laughs-- sneaking a duck upstairs and surprising the occupants of a certain apartment with a quacking present. We got to the pond and attempted to catch one of these feather-covered, and not to mention --extremely fast, ducks. After running around for about ten minutes, we gave up on the mission and headed back across campus. Now, I know this sounds like a good time, and really...it was. However, on this night I had chosen to wear extremely uncomfortable open-toed sandals. After walking from the campus apartments to the coffee shop and then running around the pond like a crazy person, I had worn a huge blister on my right foot. Okay, now you are asking...why is this important? Well, here is the link.
In high school I read a poem called "Last Times", which talked about how a person never knows when they are doing something for the final time. As for me, I remember the last time I dropped Chris off at the airport, but I didn't know it would be the last time I would see him. I am sure there was a last time I hugged my grandfather or rode my bike in the driveway of our old house, but we don't relish those moments because they seem infinite. I know I do not know what is going to happen later this afternoon, let alone in the days to come, but to me...the last times I spent with two people I love revolved around those damn ducks. Things happen without reason or understanding, sometimes people come around, sometimes they don't. Maybe I will hate ducks forever because they will remind me of Wednesday. Maybe when my sneaker stops pressing against the blister I will forget that day, those memories, and move on...giving those sandals to Goodwill.
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The first time I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I was sitting beside Andi and I don't remember if we were engaged or married, but we were having a bad week and both of us were ready to forget the whole damn relationship. As that movie unfolded, I realized that there are positive and negative aspects to our relationship, but (like the movie suggests) it's not worth giving up the good to boot out the bad. I left the movie with fresh hope and inspiration and although she never said anything, I think she did, too. Great movie!
I think about whether or not I've done or am doing something for the last time whenever I'm conscious of the possibility. After everything's moved out and the rooms are bare, I like to go back where I've lived or visited frequently and walk through the halls and memories; when I was young I even camped out in my mother's bronco cause I knew they were trading it in the next morning -- I'm a bit of a sentimentalist and love nostalgia.
I'm looking forward to reading that poem you mentioned and am now adding "try to catch a duck" to my mental list of spontaneous things to do on a date. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and memories! = D
-- aaand I completely neglected to acknowledge the less warm aspect I picked up on when I read this: I feel the lasting impressions people leave us with before physically departing our lives often leave a lot of questions about missed opportunities of everything they could have been apart of and how they would have changed those moments of our lives. Sometimes those thoughts bum me out, haha and sometimes I breath a sigh of relief! Sometimes I get spiritual or philisophical, and try to guide reasoning, and sometimes I think it best not to and I just want to get passed it... haha but then I think I always come back to reason. Point: I try to hold onto what makes me smile, and get understand then get past what doesn't. I understand this was years ago, but how do you feel about this now?
Yargh! Typos abound! I'm reading and writing via phone.
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