Team sports and relationships...

When I was a child I played several sports: basketball, soccer, softball. These, of course, are all team sports and it just so happens that I was always on the worst team. But being on the worst team never held my spirit back. Our record could be 0-8 and I could still be found practicing in the backyard every night, putting forth my best effort at practice, and having hope at the games when batter after batter was struck out and every ball that was hit to the outfield was fumbled or just completely missed. It was the love of the game and the desire to work on something and become better. The feeling of working hard, even through the losing streaks, and coming out on top...being a winner.

I can remember going home after games in tears and my mother telling me, Melia...it doesn't matter how hard you work. If the other players on your team don't care or don't put forth the effort that you do, you're never going to win. You can be the best player in the world, but unless your team works together you are going to lose every time. You can't expect to single-handedly hold up an entire team.

My mother's words span across many areas in life, not just team sports. Let's take relationships for instance. You can be in a relationship for all the right reasons...to have fun, to work as a team, because you have that desire and love for a person. You can give 100% day in and day out...putting forth all the effort you can muster. You can work hard, through any issues, and try to come out on top. You can be loyal and driven. You can have faith and hope and all of the elements of perseverance. But, unless the other person on your "team" is willing to put forth the same kind of effort, it's a lost cause. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how much hope or faith you have. You can be the best version of yourself, but unless that desire is returned...unless together you can attempt to muddle through any rough patches with the knowledge that your "team" will come out on top, you're never going to win.

I was never very good at accepting that fact about team sports. That's why I switched to tennis.

Just a passing moment gone...

White Daisy Passsing by Rocky Votolato

Please slow it down.
There's a secret magic past world
that you only notice when you're looking back at it.
All I wanna do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun.

Passing white daisies taking turns,
close the door walk into the street
catching raindrops on your tongue.
And for a minute it all stops.
But it won't last long, just a passing moment gone.

Please slow it down.
There's a secret place that I know
where I could dig a grave out and climb underground for good.
All I want to do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun.

Passing white daisies taking turns,
all those evenings on the back deck of our first apartment.
They meant everything but the wind just carried them off.
And you can't go back now, just a passing moment gone.

Please slow it down.
There’s a secret magic past world
that you only notice when you’re looking back at it.
And all I wanna do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn’t let go of the water at the setting sun.
Because I couldn’t let go of the passing moment gone.

This blog has been abandoned...

Or so you thought. I know it’s been a while. So long, in fact, that I was probably removed from you RSS feeds this time last year and since then these scrawlings have become just another distant memory…a “remember when” type of thing.

Well, I am trying to repair and rebuild. Little by little…blog by blog…filling in the cracks of a foundation that is several years old and has been neglected, like one of those condemned houses you see along a Texas highway. I don’t want this to be one of those houses.

I hope you follow that metaphor, because I almost just completely lost it and began writing about my infatuation with home repair/flipping shows. But, I will press on.

I am here. I have always been here, just not here…you know? But now I am back and ready to attempt to write something. Just to put thoughts, ideas, lyrics, and everyday observations down on a clean sheet of cyberpaper. I am hoping it will be therapeutic…give me something to look forward to. A tiny creative outlet, perhaps.

So before I begin in the present and move forward, I feel as though I should give you a bit of insight into the past. And what I mean by “past” is the last year or so. Let’s see…the last time I posted anything was on May 25, 2006, which I believe was a Thursday. That day I woke up sometime in the morning and sat on the couch in my pajamas looking a little out of sorts for at least a half hour. For lunch I had a sandwich, which I think was probably pretty delicious. I am guessing turkey, a little mayo. At some point I put on clothes and I did some stuff. I probably had some reasons for doing that stuff. And I know for a fact that I drank more than one Diet Coke as the day progressed. Later in the day I began thinking about dinner. At this point I would put money on the fact that Ashley and I drove (we did not walk because we are just that lazy) to Pei Wei and ordered food that we took back to the apartment and ate. It was probably pretty delicious too. Then I probably did some more stuff, which most likely included the Internet, a television, and some laughter here and there. And finally, I went to bed.

Now imagine what I have just written…with slight variations, and then fast forward 398 days and here we are. I am glad you’re here to peek in upon a hodgepodge of snippets from life, pop culture, and conversations I hear in my cubicle at work. Albeit at times mundane, I hope it proves to be a place of ideas, humor, and those random tidbits that do not fit anywhere else.

A Bedtime Prayer...

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see
the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will
end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am
following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please
you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope
that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know
that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may
know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not
fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to
face my perils alone.

Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton (1915—1968)

Wiesel's Wisdom...

Yesterday on Oprah, she had a one-on-one conversation with Nobel Prize winning Elie Wiesel. Together they toured Auschwitz death camp in Poland, and Wiesel spoke of how he survived. Viewers were able to see the Holocaust through the eyes of a man who lived it.

In speaking about the interview with Elie Wiesel, Oprah said, "Through his eyes, we witness the depths of both human cruelty and human grace—and we're left grappling with what remains of Elie, a teenage boy caught between the two. I gain courage from his courage."

On her website, Oprah had transciption from her conversation with him at the Museum of Jewish Heritage in New York City, and I found the words he came up with at a moment's notice to be filled with profound wisdom and an incredible understanding of the true meaning of life and the grace that can be found in every day.

Oprah: The last page in the magazine, I always do a column called, “What I Know For Sure.” What is it that you know for sure, that you have no doubt about?

Mr. Wiesel: I have no doubt that evil can be fought. I have no doubt that indifference is no option.

I have no doubt that fanaticism is dangerous.

I have no doubt that the life of any person, any person, weighs more than all the books in the world on life. More?

Oprah: Yes, this is good.

Mr. Wiesel: I have no doubt that we are here for a purpose.

I have no doubt that the purpose is not only bringing God closer to his creation, but to bring his creatures close to one another.

I have no doubt that the human being is human simply because he or she is human and we have no right to say that a poor person, because her or she is poor, is less valid to society than the person who is rich.

Oprah: That being born gives you worth.

Mr. Wiesel: Absolutely. I have no doubt that education is good for the soul. Not only for the mind. I have no doubt that faith is only pure when it does not negate the faith of the other. And I have no doubt that questions have their own magic. Their own charm. And their own immortality.

New York, New York...

So, the concert was awesome. Franz Ferdinand was extremely entertaining to watch and Death Cab for Cutie is incredible live. I have a few friends that are going to see Imogen Heap really soon, and I am so so so jealous. That should be a terrific show.

I made it through my oral exams last week; it was stressful, but now it's over and I am so glad. The only thing I have to wrap up before graduation is last minute thesis editing, which shouldn't take too terribly long. Other than finishing up at HSU I am searching for jobs in the Metroplex. I hope to get out there by mid-Summer.

I apologize for my lack of creativity and the short snippets of boredom I have posted recently. Things have just been insane. Thankfully, I am escaping to New York for a few days later this week/weekend and I will get to see Kim H., Kim J. and Keren. I am excited! When I step off the plane I may make a beeline to Roxy's. I have missed their cheesecake oh so much.

I hope that all of you are doing well. I am sure I will post photos when I return.

Today is a red-letter day...

because this morning I handed in my completed thesis. I really can't express the utter joy. I think I will celebrate by going to a Death Cab for Cutie/Franz Ferdinand concert tomorrow night. That seems fitting.