I keep your picture in my worn-through shoes...

Someone Else’s Life by Joshua Radin

And somehow I'm leading someone else's life;
I cut her star down with my knife.
And right now I still see the way the moon
plays this tune though our night's died.

My hands shake.
My knees quake.
It's every day
the same way.

'Cause then came you.
Then there's you.
I keep your picture
in my worn-through shoes.
Then there's you.
Then came you.
When I'm lost
I look at my picture of you.

And somehow I'll make tonight our own,
show you every way I've grown since I met you.
And right now I'll be the boy in your next song
I'll learn the parts and play along if you let me.

My hands shake.
My knees quake.
It's every day
the same way.

'Cause then came you.
Then there's you.
I keep your picture
in my worn-through shoes.
Then there's you.
Then came you.
When I'm lost
I look at my picture of you.

If you let me, I'll show the world to you.
Yes, if you let me, I'll know just what to do.

'Cause then came you.
Then there's you.
I keep your picture
in my worn-through shoes.
When I'm lost in your eyes
I see the way for me.

It's the little things...

Going to Target on your lunch break is a death wish. Seriously. Pandemonium.

I wouldn't go there unless I needed something desperately, and it just so happened that I needed something...desperately. So, I made a mad dash. Foregoing a cart I knew what I needed and made a beeline. Walking fast, I of course found myself on the heels of a mother lecturing her child, an older woman who was trying to decide between Kleenex or Kleenex with lotion, a couple debating Diet Coke vs. Diet Coke Plus. Ugh.

Doesn't it seem like when you are in a hurry the world moves in slow motion. "Lady, no one in the history of the world has ever walked this slowly. Ever." Wonderful and uplifting thoughts like that enter your mind when you feel put out in the least. Well, my hour lunch break was dwindling and I knew exactly what I needed, but people and Target employees and spilled drinks kept getting in my way.

Finally, I had what I needed in hand and made my way to one of the supposedly-faster-checkout-lanes. It wasn't. So, going against my gut I switched. Don't ever switch lanes. You are guaranteed a longer wait in the line you switch to. Or maybe that is just my luck. I was now standing in the 10 item or less line, frustrated. I was undoubtedly looking at my watch, checking my cell phone, keeping an eye on the line I had been in...when I noticed the people standing in front of me.

A grandmother and grandson were ahead of me in line. I imagine it was the little boy's birthday. Or maybe he did something spectacular that his grandmother wanted to recognize. He had a stack of Pokemon cards in his hand and the biggest smile on his face. When it came time for him to put the cards up on the counter, he laid each of them down gently and paid close attention as the woman at the register scanned each one and placed it in the bag. He quickly moved to hold the bag as his grandmother paid for the cards and his excitement was contagious. In watching this I had forgotten all about the time and the fact that I was frustrated and on my lunch break. My attitude completely changed. As he walked away I said to the cashier, "How does it feel to have just made that little boy's day? I haven't seen someone that excited in a long time." She said, "I know...oh, look at him. He is excited." At this point, the girl behind me spoke up and said, "That's adorable." To which I replied, "I haven't been that excited about anything in a long time." And as I walked away both of them said, "Yeah, me either."

As I left, I passed the grandmother kneeling beside the boy and opening a package of the cards. He couldn't even wait to leave the building.

As we get older, it seems that things have to be bigger and better to make us happy. The happiness that was once caused by a candy bar in the checkout line is now an ipod or a new car or a vacation. I wish I could get back to that simplicity. I mean, I still have glimpses of simplistic joys: a vanilla Diet Coke on a crappy day, an ice cream cone before lunch. But yeah, to anticipate getting something as small as a pack of cards so much that I have to rip it open before I step foot outside the store...that would be nice. Wouldn't it? Finding joy in the smallest things. I think the world would be a happier place if we could all master that perspective.

I want to carry you...

"Carry" by Billy Collins

I want to carry you
and for you to carry me
the way voices are said to carry over water.

Just this morning on the shore,
I could hear two people talking quietly
in a rowboat on the far side of the lake.

They were talking about fishing,
then one changed the subject,
and, I swear, they began talking about you.

Team sports and relationships...

When I was a child I played several sports: basketball, soccer, softball. These, of course, are all team sports and it just so happens that I was always on the worst team. But being on the worst team never held my spirit back. Our record could be 0-8 and I could still be found practicing in the backyard every night, putting forth my best effort at practice, and having hope at the games when batter after batter was struck out and every ball that was hit to the outfield was fumbled or just completely missed. It was the love of the game and the desire to work on something and become better. The feeling of working hard, even through the losing streaks, and coming out on top...being a winner.

I can remember going home after games in tears and my mother telling me, Melia...it doesn't matter how hard you work. If the other players on your team don't care or don't put forth the effort that you do, you're never going to win. You can be the best player in the world, but unless your team works together you are going to lose every time. You can't expect to single-handedly hold up an entire team.

My mother's words span across many areas in life, not just team sports. Let's take relationships for instance. You can be in a relationship for all the right reasons...to have fun, to work as a team, because you have that desire and love for a person. You can give 100% day in and day out...putting forth all the effort you can muster. You can work hard, through any issues, and try to come out on top. You can be loyal and driven. You can have faith and hope and all of the elements of perseverance. But, unless the other person on your "team" is willing to put forth the same kind of effort, it's a lost cause. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how much hope or faith you have. You can be the best version of yourself, but unless that desire is returned...unless together you can attempt to muddle through any rough patches with the knowledge that your "team" will come out on top, you're never going to win.

I was never very good at accepting that fact about team sports. That's why I switched to tennis.

Just a passing moment gone...

White Daisy Passsing by Rocky Votolato

Please slow it down.
There's a secret magic past world
that you only notice when you're looking back at it.
All I wanna do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun.

Passing white daisies taking turns,
close the door walk into the street
catching raindrops on your tongue.
And for a minute it all stops.
But it won't last long, just a passing moment gone.

Please slow it down.
There's a secret place that I know
where I could dig a grave out and climb underground for good.
All I want to do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn't let go when the water hit the setting sun.

Passing white daisies taking turns,
all those evenings on the back deck of our first apartment.
They meant everything but the wind just carried them off.
And you can't go back now, just a passing moment gone.

Please slow it down.
There’s a secret magic past world
that you only notice when you’re looking back at it.
And all I wanna do is turn around.

I'm going down to sleep on the bottom of the ocean
because I couldn’t let go of the water at the setting sun.
Because I couldn’t let go of the passing moment gone.

This blog has been abandoned...

Or so you thought. I know it’s been a while. So long, in fact, that I was probably removed from you RSS feeds this time last year and since then these scrawlings have become just another distant memory…a “remember when” type of thing.

Well, I am trying to repair and rebuild. Little by little…blog by blog…filling in the cracks of a foundation that is several years old and has been neglected, like one of those condemned houses you see along a Texas highway. I don’t want this to be one of those houses.

I hope you follow that metaphor, because I almost just completely lost it and began writing about my infatuation with home repair/flipping shows. But, I will press on.

I am here. I have always been here, just not here…you know? But now I am back and ready to attempt to write something. Just to put thoughts, ideas, lyrics, and everyday observations down on a clean sheet of cyberpaper. I am hoping it will be therapeutic…give me something to look forward to. A tiny creative outlet, perhaps.

So before I begin in the present and move forward, I feel as though I should give you a bit of insight into the past. And what I mean by “past” is the last year or so. Let’s see…the last time I posted anything was on May 25, 2006, which I believe was a Thursday. That day I woke up sometime in the morning and sat on the couch in my pajamas looking a little out of sorts for at least a half hour. For lunch I had a sandwich, which I think was probably pretty delicious. I am guessing turkey, a little mayo. At some point I put on clothes and I did some stuff. I probably had some reasons for doing that stuff. And I know for a fact that I drank more than one Diet Coke as the day progressed. Later in the day I began thinking about dinner. At this point I would put money on the fact that Ashley and I drove (we did not walk because we are just that lazy) to Pei Wei and ordered food that we took back to the apartment and ate. It was probably pretty delicious too. Then I probably did some more stuff, which most likely included the Internet, a television, and some laughter here and there. And finally, I went to bed.

Now imagine what I have just written…with slight variations, and then fast forward 398 days and here we are. I am glad you’re here to peek in upon a hodgepodge of snippets from life, pop culture, and conversations I hear in my cubicle at work. Albeit at times mundane, I hope it proves to be a place of ideas, humor, and those random tidbits that do not fit anywhere else.

A Bedtime Prayer...

MY LORD GOD,
I have no idea where I am going. I do not see
the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will
end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am
following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please
you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope
that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know
that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may
know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not
fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to
face my perils alone.

Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton (1915—1968)